


Who is Remus Lupin?

by Children_of_the_Shadows



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-08 14:58:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3213371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Children_of_the_Shadows/pseuds/Children_of_the_Shadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who is Remus Lupin?

'Regulus, dry your eyes this very minute,' Walburga Black hissed angrily, her claw like fingers digging into her younger son's arm as she led him to the front. 'Do not shame me by displaying such signs of weakness in public for all our family to see.'

Sirius's cool grey gaze shifted from her hold on Regulus to her face.

'Mother, why don't I have a word with Regulus first and we shall join you shortly?' he suggested, taking up his brother's other arm much more gently than their mother. 'We won't be long,' he assured when she looked at him suspiciously. Surreptitiously, he pulled Regulus a little closer to himself, trying not to let his protective nature show through. The key to winning Mother's approval was to play the same game of indifference that the rest of the Black clan played.

'Very well,' she conceded, releasing her vice like grip and walking ahead with her head held high and her nose held higher. 'But use your wand sparingly. Remember that we are in public.'

Sirius sneered behind her back, despite answering, 'Yes, Mother.' He maintained his aloof persona until he was sure they were well concealed behind a tree, then turned towards his brother with a look of concern. 'Reggie, I told you, you need to learn how to control your emotions in front of Mother. You know very well that her methods of conviction are not as kind as mine, and she will definitely not " _use her wand sparingly_ " once we get home.' He pulled the sleeve of his dress shirt up to his palm, using it to dry Regulus's eyes.

'How can she be so unfeeling?' Regulus's voice was accusatory under the wateriness. 'He was her brother! Surely that must have meant something to her?' Sirius had no answer for him; none that wouldn't already break his brother's fragile heart. 'Is this how it is in the Black family? If I die tomorrow, won't you care either?'

'Do not speak like that, Regulus, or so Merlin help me, I  _will_  use my wand on you!' Sirius growled, his eyes ablaze. 'You know very well that I would never allow any harm to come to you. So don't you dare ever ask me that question again, am I clear?'

Regulus nodded, but was still not sated. 'Why aren't you upset today, Sirius? You used to love Uncle Alphard, don't you remember? He was the only relative to ever buy us toys for the holidays and he always taught you the best hexes to try out on Bella.'

In truth, Sirius had adored Uncle Alphard and had been writing to him even until recently.  _"Consorting with filth"_  like Uncle Alphard was forbidden by Mother, which was why Sirius was trying so hard to school his features to be apathetic. He did not want his face to give away his despair in fear of the repercussions; not just that of the punishment that might come after but also the possibility of his own  _filth_ being discovered. Uncle Alphard's death came as such a shock to him as Regulus, because nowhere in his letters had Alphard ever mentioned that he had had heart problems incurable even by magic. 'That was eons ago, Reggie,' Sirius brushed away, keeping up his façade. 'I haven't seen him since Mother blasted him off the tapestry.'

Regulus's jaw tightened and Sirius could see clearly the disapproval and disappointment in his eyes. He pushed Sirius roughly away before storming off, leaving Sirius to hurry behind him without letting anyone see that any kind of disagreement had occurred between them. Keeping up pretenses was always taxing when with Regulus.

'I'm going to sit with him,' Regulus stopped shortly, only to inform him of this. He was pointedly looking at a lone figure sitting at the very back, away from everyone else. 'I want to sit with someone who actually cared for Uncle Alphard enough to not be ashamed to cry for him.'

Sirius frowned as he watched his brother walk away, shielding his eyes from the sun to see farther where the other person Regulus had been pointing to was sitting. He couldn't see much beyond the side profile of long sandy blond hair, crooked nose, and pale skin, but it was clear that the boy was not a Black or belonging to any of the other branching pureblood families. His hair wasn't certainly not the right colour (black nor platinum) and his careworn suit and shoes gave off a middle class aura that stood out in the sea of purebloods. When Regulus finally sat beside him, in his brand new, tailored robes, the boy looked practically shabby. He was sitting still, his back stiff and his gaze trained straight ahead where Alphard's coffin lay in the front. There were tears rolling down his cheeks, each droplet stark as thin rays of sunlight passed through them and made them sparkle in a way that almost made them look precious.

They were precious.

Because he was the only person crying in a funeral of nearly one hundred people.

Sirius drew his eyes away from the boy to his brother, who was mimicking the stranger's posture as he looked ahead. They did not seem to be speaking, but he could see that Regulus was much more at ease now than he had been earlier. It should have made Sirius happy, but his brother's comfort now would lead to a much more uncomfortable consequence later when they went home, back in London. Their mother's eyes did not have to be on them to know she was looking. She was  _always_ looking and judging; and Sirius had a split second to choose how his day ended. He could go home and sleep early while his brother faced his punishment or he could stand in for Regulus and spend the night in the dungeons. If he was lucky, Mother would  _use her wand sparingly._

It wasn't much of a choice.

Regulus had never been punished, not since…

'I can take care of myself.' Regulus muttered softly once Sirius had sat down.

'Children should not speak unless spoken to, least of all in funerals.' Sirius smiled to show that his words were in jest, but that smile quickly fell when he looked ahead to where Walburga was sitting, a look of clear displeasure spreading across her face. 'Mother is upset,' he stated, a sense of dread settling deep in his stomach.

'With us?' Regulus asked, leaning against Sirius so that their shoulders were touching.

Sirius shook his head, trying to read the lips of their family lawyer who was now whispering into his mother's ear. 'No, something else.' He swallowed, watching her scowl grow deeper and deeper, and her grey eyes brew up a storm. 'Something much, much bigger.'

 

* * *

 

'Mum, it's Remus.'

Sirius stopped in his tracks when he noticed the same boy in the church foyer, with a crude muggle communication object cradled between his ear and shoulder. Alphard's funeral was being held at a muggle church, unsurprisingly, because there was no magical community in Louth's small population of ten thousand and also because it had been Alphard's hometown for the past twenty years, ever since he'd been made to leave home. It was a quaint church, small and welcoming, but crude when compared to St. James that held at least some of the grandeur and prestige that Purebloods looked for. It almost felt like Alphard's last two fingered salute to the family and it had worked marvelously. Most of the family had left mid-ceremony, unable to take  _"the stench of muggles"_  and those who remained had only done so for appearances. The Prophet would be reporting the event after all; Alphard had been a very accomplished scientist with heavy grants from the Ministry itself.

For Walburga Black, the matter went beyond just appearances. She made enough of those back in London. For her, it was all about the inheritance.

'How are you?' The boy asked with a shaky voice, one hand gripping the table in front of him and leaning against it. 'How's dad?'

Sirius rested his back against the door, knowing he should walk away but unable to. He bit his lip and arched only his neck outwards to look at the sandy blond, only to be taken aback by how beautifully fragile the boy looked standing there all alone. Sirius hadn't noticed during the eulogy, but the boy had the most startling amber eyes he had ever seen, made more so by the unshed tears that shone within them. He looked at them mesmerised until they fell and broke the spell, making him quickly avert his gaze and lean back against the door yet again.

'I'm-not okay,' he heard him whisper softly. 'Alphard's dead.' There were a few sniffles that sounded almost childish, before the boy spoke again, stammering over his words. 'I-I was wondering if I-I could come home just for, just for a little while? I-I don't want to be alone.'

The silence that followed was deafening and Sirius knew, even without looking or listening to the other end of the conversation that the boy had been rejected. It was painful, because the silence also meant that he could hear the way the boy's breaths sped up and became shakier, the way each sniffle got wetter and wetter, and the creak of wood as he leaned more and more on the foyer table for support.

'I understand. Thank you for, for speaking with me.'

Sirius was startled when an inhuman wail pierced the air and he leaned outwards again, only to see the boy's knees give away suddenly. He fell to the ground and Sirius fought every instinct he had that told him to go help him up. A sandy blond head of hair spilled on the ground, slim body doubled over and fists clenching the beige carpet as he cried and cried and cried in a way Sirius had never thought possible before. It was loud and open and honest, and tore through Sirius in such a way that he could feel the other's sadness and loss in the smallest crevices between his bones and in the very roots of his teeth. The boy was gasping between tears, short of breath, as his trembling fingers dug into his hair and pulled in distress. Tears were streaming down his cheeks like waterfalls and his face had gone so red that he looked about to pass out. Yet, he could not stop crying.

It was agonising.

It was agonising to watch, so Sirius looked away.

It was agonising to hear, so Sirius placed an imperturbable charm around himself, so strong that the only sound he could hear was his own breathing.

It was agonising to feel, but Sirius could do nothing about that except run away and take another path to the small room that had been his destination from the very beginning. The room at the back of the church that was currently housing a very important meeting between his Mother and their family lawyer Edgar Eckhart about the future of Alphard's not so inconsiderable wealth. It would be a relief from the overwhelming emotion that was now settling deep within him; the apathy of his Mother, for once, a welcome change. However, his relief was only a wish as he was met with his mother's voice even before he walked in to the room.

'WHO THE HELL IS REMUS LUPIN?'

Walburga Black was pacing holes into the floor while their lawyer looked upon her with practiced patience. Not wanting to draw too much attention and be caught in the crossfire of her fit, Sirius quietly took a seat beside Edgar, a nod of acknowledgment passing between them.

'I always knew my brother was good for nothing,' she muttered to herself angrily, her cloak swishing behind her with every step. 'But to go as far as to forsake the family name even in death and leave the entirety of his wealth to a-a-' her face continued to turn purple as she searched for the right word, 'to  _filth!_ Unacceptable!'

Sirius itched to point out that The Family had certainly not hesitated to forsake Alphard until they had discovered his vast wealth, but he held back his words for another time. A time when he wanted to spite her and irk her, until his hatred for her and The Family channeled through so loudly that it clanged when she cuffed him in the dungeons.

'Mrs. Black,' Edgar started, his palms up in a calming gesture, 'your son is still entitled to one third, which by calculation would equal to-'

'Pocket change!' Walburga spat, not letting him finish.

'If Regulus is entitled to a third, then should he not be part of this conversation in my stead? Or has Mother decided to hold on to his funds for  _safety_ , until he is of age?' Sirius glared at his mother, making sure she saw before looking away.

'Regulus did not receive anything, I'm afraid, Master Sirius,' Edgar explained, adjusting his glasses. 'The third goes to you and is in your sole possession alone, since you are of age now.'

Sirius frowned. 'I don't understand.'

Walburga snorted. 'Alphard has always held a fondness for you, since you were very little. Another one of his perversions, no doubt.' Her face twisted with disgust, as if the very thought of him made her sick. 'I wouldn't be surprised if this Lupin fellow is his personal whore, probably rolling in all the money he's managed to leech out through sodomy.'

Sirius's nails dug into his palms as his fists clenched tightly. As always with anything related to homosexuality, he kept quiet and changed the subject, 'Is it possible to bequeath wizarding inheritance to a muggle?' he directed his question to Edgar, refusing to meet his mother's eye lest she see his anger or the underlying fear of being found out. 'I don't remember reading a rule as such, but I would imagine so.'

'The boy is a wizard.'

'Half-blood,' Walburga snarled, 'he barely qualifies as a wizard, much less as a benefactor.'

'He's entitled regardless,' Edgar spoke over her, nonplussed. 'Alphard's will is very specific and extremely thorough; Master Sirius and Lupin are his only benefactors. Master Sirius will inherit a third of his wealth in Gringotts, nothing more. Lupin receives the rest: wealth, assets, estate, and intellectual property. There is no margin for error in his will; it is impeccable. Walburga, I believe you should give up on a lost cause when still at the early stages; all this pacing is pointless'

Walburga waved him off as if he were a fly. She was much calmer now, her anger contained and her demeanour that of a woman plotting destruction. 'Sirius, I want you to stay here in Louth, find out who Remus Lupin is and what his relationship was with Alphard. I don't care what methods you use; you can torture him or kill him or feed him sob stories about Alphard, but you do not return to London until you know who he is. I want to know if he's managed to inherit all this by being Alphard's little faggot.'

'It isn't illegal to be a faggot,' Sirius shot back, his anger getting the better of him.

'No,' she replied in a sickly sweet voice that reminded Sirius far too much of his cousin, Bellatrix, 'but it  _is_  illegal to swindle a lonely old man's life savings with conniving little lies and false pretenses of love…'

Sirius clenched his teeth. 'You don't know that.'

'Oh, I do because you will find proof for me against him.' She leaned down until her cold and calculating grey eyes were boring into Sirius's, then smiled, 'Just do as I say, Sirius. You are more bearable when you don't ask questions.'

 

* * *

 

'Fuck.'

'I suppose I've had worse hellos.'

It was  _him._ The boy that had been crying in Uncle Alphard's funeral was Remus Lupin. It made perfect sense now that the pieces of the puzzle were all together; only someone who had cared that much for Alphard would have been able to inherit his wealth in all its entirety. 'I-I-'m sorry,' Sirius tripped over his words, trying to gain back his composure. 'You caught me by surprise; I guess I was expecting someone else.' He pulled his right hand out of his pocket, extending it for a shake. 'I was sitting beside you in the funeral, but had no idea who you were. I would have introduced myself otherwise. I'm-'

'Sirius Black,' Lupin finished, shaking Sirius's hand with a warm smile. 'It's great to finally meet you, Sirius.'

Sirius blinked, surprised. 'How did you-?'

'How do I know you?' Lupin chuckled, as he moved to the side, inviting the young Black in. 'Your uncle spoke very fondly of you. Sirius - the brightest star in the Black sky, he called you.'

Sirius coloured at the compliment, unaware that his uncle saw him in such high regard. 'I'm not all that great, I'm afraid.'

'I agree,' Lupin nodded, his face splitting into a crooked smile even as he tried to keep a straight expression. Sirius hadn't seen the boy smile in the funeral but found it much more attractive than his tears. It was crooked and uneven, and so very genuine that Sirius could not help but smile back. 'The way Alphard raved about you, I always imagined you arriving from the sky in a chariot pulled by Thestrals. I must say, the disappointment I'm feeling right now is palpable.'

Sirius didn't even realise when he burst into laughter, but when he finally managed to stop, he was wiping tears from his eyes. He couldn't remember when he'd laughed that hard outside of Hogwarts. He took a seat in the living room, surveying his surroundings for the first time. It was clearly an old house that had been repurposed; it's Victorian style architecture prevalent in the lush furniture, expensive marble flooring and the handmade Persian rug that ran under the sofa. Clearly, his Uncle's Black tastes had not diminished with this disownment. 'You sound very close to my uncle,' he commented as Remus adjusted some of the cushions on the sofa before taking a seat opposite him.

'I was.'

There was an almost melancholy sound to his voice and Sirius felt guilty for bringing it up. 'I'm sorry; it's just that Alphard never mentioned you in his letters.'

Remus laughed sadly, pulling down his sleeves which had been rolled up to his elbows and buttoning them at the wrist. Sirius did not fail to notice the multitude of scars across his arms but averted his eyes quickly. 'No, Alphard rarely talked about work to anyone. We deal with very sensitive research and it's best to keep to ourselves.'

'So you worked with him?'

Remus raised a condescending eyebrow. 'Yes, was my lab coat not obvious?'

Only then did Sirius's mind comprehend that Remus Lupin was indeed wearing a white lab coat over his regular clothes. It wasn't as if he hadn't noticed, but somehow, his usually sharp mind had been occupied in more useless tasks of staring into deep amber eyes. In any case, the mystery had been solved with more than enough ample evidence. Remus Lupin was certainly not Alphard's whore; he looked no older than Sirius's age and Alphard had been forty when he had died. Remus Lupin was definitely not a swindler; no thief would grieve as deeply as he had done. Remus Lupin was a co-worker and possibly Alphard's good (only?) friend. Remus Lupin was also a good man and Sirius was glad for it, because he rather Alphard's inheritance go to someone who deserved it than his monstrosity of a mother.

''I'm sorry. You must think I'm being intrusive,' Sirius apologised, feeling lighter now that he no longer had an obligation to fulfill for his family. He relaxed into his seat, wanting to enjoy the amber eyed boy's company for a little longer. It had been a long time since he had felt so at ease with anyone; James Potter had been the last time and they hadn't seen each other for a year, since graduation. 'I guess I felt like I had to know more about Alphard somehow,' he half lied, 'We kept in touch, but I hadn't seen him in years and now that he's gone, I regret not ever coming to visit.' Sirius looked at Remus, wondering what it was about the boy that kept drawing his attention and wanting to extend his company. He had done his job, but Mother  _had_ mentioned that he could take as long as needed; and right now, Sirius felt like he  _needed_  a few more days of the enchanting Remus Lupin. 'I actually came here today in hopes that I could somehow reconnect with him. Maybe even take a piece of him with me when I finally return to London.'

Remus looked extremely happy by Sirius's (false) confession, his whole face a mess of smile lines, eye crinkles, dimples, and crooked teeth. 'Would you like anything to drink? I can't offer you anything except water and tea unfortunately. My medication reacts with anything stronger than Butterbeer by growing excessive amount of fuzz on my entire body.'

Sirius burst out laughing, an odd sensation bubbling up in his chest. A sensation he knew all too well. It was a feeling of contentment, of comfort and ease, and most of all, of  _attraction._

'You laugh, but one of our muggle neighbours nearly shot me once after mistaking me for a bear. Alphard had to…'

Yes, Sirius could sit there listening to Remus Lupin talk for the rest of his life.

 


	2. Who are you, Remus Lupin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.

'I hope I'm not being an inconvenience to you.'

Sirius's infatuation with Remus Lupin had not diminished the next day and he fed it unabashedly by visiting the other boy again, first thing in the morning. Remus certainly didn't seem to be complaining; in fact, he seemed almost glad for the added company and chatted merrily as he pottered around in the garden. His personality was as quirky as his infectious smile; Sirius could see it clearly in his quick witted humour and the odd mannerisms with his hands, despite his calm and intelligent speech. He was wearing a different kind of apron today - the kind that was made for cooks – to avoid getting mud and pollen on his clothes, paired with a pair of flip flops, a sun hat, and black rimmed glasses that he kept pushing up his nose with the back of his mud covered hands. There was dirt under his fingernails and feet, his sandy blond hair was curling messily around his face, and he looked for the world, nothing like a man who had inherited a fortune. Sirius loved it; and here, away from Mother's judgmental eyes, he stared at and admired Lupin without restraint.

'Not at all,' Remus waved away distractedly, holding up a glowing purple seed between his fore and thumb fingers up to the sun as he squinted at it. 'The house has been so empty since Alphard left. The company is more welcome than anything really.'

Sirius was reminded of the conversation he had overheard in the church the day before yesterday, when Remus had begged his mother to not be left alone. Feeling a sudden wave of sympathy, he touched Remus's cheek softly, causing the other boy to startle and look up at him in surprise. 'Dirt,' Sirius lied, smiling and rubbing the blonde's cheek with his thumb. The contact sent tingles down his spine and he could not stop, thinking about how perfectly defined Remus's cheekbone was or how the day old stubble scraped against his skin. 'You're a mess,' he laughed, faking sight of another patch of dirt and taking the opportunity to also touch the other cheek. Remus, bless his innocent soul, held still as invisible dirt was rubbed off his face, a faint blush of embarrassment spreading to the tip of his ears. This only made Sirius find him even more endearing. 'How did you get this?' he asked softly his fingers brushing back Remus's curls to touch a purpling bruise.

'Got punched.' Remus hissed when Sirius pressed a little too hard.

'Mugged?' Sirius asked, grey eyes widening in surprise.

Remus snorted. 'Bashed.' When Sirius looked confused, he explained shortly, 'for being a dirty little shirt lifter.'

Sirius's hands fell away from surprise at the blatant and almost careless admission. 'Oh. I-I'm sorry.' He tried to school his features but could not help but be awed by how effortlessly Remus had said it, without much thought to what Sirius might think or how he might react. Sirius himself had never even had the courage to come out to anyone except for his best friend in school, James Potter. His relationships mainly consisted of discrete shags in seedy alleyways, where he tried as much as he could to stay in the shadows to keep his face hidden. 'I hope they didn't hurt you too badly,' Sirius stuttered when he realised that his silence may be taken wrongly for disapproval. 'I didn't think Louth was so unfriendly to…people of different inclinations.'

Remus seemed amused by the way Sirius had phrased it. 'Louth's gay population lives quietly and inconspicuously, as is the case in every small town. I'm able to tell you freely because I know you aren't going to judge. You accepted Alphard after all.' He pulled his hat further down so that the bruise was fully covered and only a glimmer of gold could be seen of his eyes. 'Also it was a lucky shot. I made sure they won't bother me again. I'm a lot stronger than I look, you know.' When a dark eyebrow raised skeptically at him, his face set in determination. 'I bet I could pick that up with one hand,' he challenged Sirius, pointing to a crate full of potted herbs that he was planting from. He watched, lips quirked, as Sirius walked to the crate and tried and failed to lift it with both hands.

'There is a limit to bragging, Mr. Lupin,' Sirius huffed, feeling a little blow to his dignity when the crate did not even lift off the ground on his second try. 'You need to be something more than human to lift this at all.'

'You forget, Mr. Black, that I am not human,' Remus replied airily, waving his hat around in a flamboyant fashion. 'I am a wizard.' Saying this, he pulled out his wand from his back pocket and levitated the crate effortlessly to him.

'That's cheating!' Sirius exclaimed, appalled and marching back to Remus so that they were standing face to face.

Remus looked so cocky that it made Sirius want to kiss him. 'Well, you were stupid enough to assume that a wizard's strength would lie in his fists rather than his wand.' He laughed when Sirius, unable to say anything more, huffed, pushed him lightly on the shoulder, and sat back down. 'Come now, Master Black, no need to throw a fit.' He ruffled Sirius's dark hair playfully.

'So, how long have you lived with Alphard?' Sirius asked, clearing his throat and changing the subject when he found himself flushing from the touch.

'Two years almost. I've lived with him since I was sixteen,' Remus replied, crouching back down to inspect a particularly orange coloured herb with intensity. The entire garden was filled with plants such as this: odd, ugly, and a little bit rank – perfect for potions and research. 'I was already working at the lab by then, so it wasn't that much of a change.' He got down on his hands and knees, coming so close to the plant that his nose was actually touching the leaves. It gave Sirius the perfect opportunity to appreciate his rather well-endowed bum. 'My parents and I parted ways not so amicably, and I had nowhere else to go. It would only be courteous to offer me a place to stay in a house full of empty rooms, don't you think so?'

Sirius hummed in agreement, not failing to catch Remus's impish smile. It did strange things to his insides (his imagination and his groin) when that smile was being given to him while Remus was still bent over. 'How did you,' he hesitated, looking down at his muddy trainers, 'how did you know when to leave home?'

Sirius regretted his question as soon as Remus looked up at him with a knowing and sympathetic expression. 'You need to find a reason, Sirius, and also the courage to fight for that reason.' He placed a muddy hand on Sirius's shoulder comfortingly, completely unaware of the mess he was making on his expensive shirt. 'The prospect is frightening and you feel as though you can't survive without your family, but you will, I promise. I survived, and so did Alphard – well, until recently.' He laughed, but there was no humour in it.

Sirius frowned. It was an odd thing to say but he didn't prod any further. 'What if it isn't your survival that is scaring you?' he asked instead. 'What if you're afraid that someone else might not survive if you were to leave?'

Those amber eyes pierced through him again. 'Regulus?'

Sirius swallowed and nodded.

'Then I suppose you found your reason to stay,' Remus answered wisely, taking out a small shaving razor from his tool box and starting to scrape off thin layers of stalk from the offensively orange plant in front of him. He shook his head and smiled to himself. 'You really are every bit as Alphard described you, Sirius.'

'Oh?' Sirius's eyebrows arched. 'How did he describe me?'

'Different,' Remus replied, still smiling.

He did not elaborate any further, but Sirius already knew that he was comparing him to the rest of the Black family. It used to be true; Sirius  _was_ different, but he didn't think that applied any more. Not since he was sixteen and found that he had to shoulder the responsibility of his family and most of all, his brother. Sirius was now one of them and being here, in Louth, was proof. He had schooled himself to act exactly as he was expected to act, parried along with his mother's schemes, and was now taking advantage of a stranger's kindness to feed his own perverted agenda. Yet, Remus Lupin had somehow seen a good side of him; a different side that Sirius hadn't created as a façade or tried to fake. Remus had put Sirius above the likes of his family and somehow, that made him feel special and  _good._

Sirius wanted to be good.

* * *

Amber eyes looked at him expectantly, chin resting on palms and elbows on the dinner table. 'Well, what do you think?'

Sirius looked down at his plate of what could, in its loosest definition, be described as food. He had yet to figure out what it was, but Remus was watching him with such hopeful eyes that he hadn't the heart to ask. Before he could lose his courage, Sirius quickly forked a bit of meat and swallowed. 'Needs salt,' he replied neutrally, trying not to gag. It needed a lot more than salt; it needed a miracle.

Remus rushed to bring a salt shaker from the kitchen counter and sprinkled generously, before sitting down again. 'Better?'

Those eyes were going to be his undoing, Sirius knew. He gathered up all his courage and forked the smallest morsel of food he could manage. 'Not bad,' he managed, his eyes watering.

However, something in his face must have shown because Remus sighed despondently. 'You don't have to be so polite.'

Sirius spat it all out on to the plate, relieved that he wouldn't have to eat anymore.

'Or so rude.' He smiled when Sirius shot him an apologetic look. 'I really am hopeless at cooking,' he mourned, taking Sirius's plate from him and binning it. 'I'm sorry. I invited you over for lunch and everything, and I don't actually have any lunch to serve. Alphard was always in charge of meals.' Remus sighed and sat back down again, burying his face dramatically in his arms. 'At this rate, I'll starve myself to death or cholesterol myself into an early grave from eating takeout. I'm not good with instructions and precision; Alphard used to say I overthink things and fuss over the details too much. It was why I was so terrible at potions when I first came here.'

Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'I thought you were a prodigy. Isn't that why you didn't go to Hogwarts?'

Remus coloured, 'Ah, no. I never got accepted to Hogwarts or any magical school for that matter.'

Sirius didn't know that was even possible. He had always assumed that the letter automatically arrived when you turned eleven; he had certainly never heard of an evaluation process in place. 'Oh, I'm sorry.' He wondered if it would be rude to ask why. Remus didn't seem like he was going to offer up a reason and was fidgeting with the ends of the table cloth, almost as if he was contemplating changing the subject. Clearly, Sirius had touched upon a sensitive subject, a secret. Despite his curiosity, he let it go, 'I'm guessing you don't have any issues with Potions now; since you work for the Ministry and all.'

Remus smiled brightly, clearly grateful. 'I've conquered my demons. Alphard was a wonderful teacher and he taught me enough to not blow things up. The trick is to not think about it; work based on memory and instinct. Unfortunately, when I try that trick on cooking,  _that_ happens.' He pointed towards the bin. 'Some things are simply not meant to be.' He looked up at Sirius. 'I don't suppose you can cook? I'm starving.'

Damn, those blasted beautiful eyes that made his heart beat so hard that it was trying to jump out of his throat. 'We'll have to do with takeout today, I'm afraid.' Remus answered with a groan. 'But I can have a house elf sent to me tomorrow; Merlin knows we have more than enough. They're bound to serve all members of the Black family. As this house belonged to Alphard and you're his official benefactor, they will answer to you as well.'

Remus frowned, his head tilted in confusion. 'So your parents know you are here?'

Sirius's heart stopped.

'I assumed they wouldn't approve of you staying here; it's a Muggle town and Alphard wasn't the most popular member of the family. I thought you might be staying here against their wishes.'

'Ah,' Sirius stammered, trying to think of a lie believable enough to get himself out of suspicion. 'They know, but they think I'm here to get my inheritance sorted.' Remus was still looking at him suspiciously and he tried not to seem too frazzled. 'Sentimentality doesn't quite fly in our family, but Mother will believe anything as long as it involves money.'

'I see,' Remus looked unconvinced. 'Where did you say you were staying again?'

'Er…few blocks down the road; there's a small inn there.'

Remus hummed. 'Why don't you live here instead of that grubby little inn?' he offered, much to Sirius's shock. There was an almost calculative glimmer in his eyes and Sirius wondered exactly what was going on in the other boy's head. Did he suspect Sirius of ulterior motives; was he trying to keep Sirius closer to home to keep an eye on him? It was the latter, no doubt. 'We have more than enough room here and it would certainly save you the trip of coming every day. I know Alphard wouldn't want his favourite nephew to live in an inn, while he had place in his home and heart.' He smiled brightly and Sirius was almost convinced that it was just an honest offer.

Accepting it would mean Sirius would have difficulty communicating with his Mother freely. Not that they spoke much, but she asked for an update every other day through Floo, and that was not something that could take place inconspicuously. However, not accepting would prove to Remus that Sirius had a hidden agenda, even if he wasn't strictly following it and was only still staying here to be with him. In that case, Sirius  _should_ accept. He was lying to his family and visiting Remus every day to feed his infatuation for the boy, so why stop. He would simply tell Mother tonight that he had managed to get inside and would continue his search more thoroughly; she would be pleased with the development, if anything.

'Yes, I would love to,' Sirius replied with a confident smile. 'I'll report in tomorrow morning with my luggage, shall I?'

Remus returned his smile. 'Nonsense. I'll walk you to your hotel right now and we'll fetch all your things. You shouldn't have to stay another night at that awful inn.'

The other boy was making sure Sirius had no time to contact his family or make changes, while simultaneously inviting himself into Sirius's room for inspection.

_Cunning._

However, when they finally arrive at the inn Sirius was staying at, Remus refused to go past the entrance.

'You go on ahead, I'll wait,' Remus advised. When Sirius turned to look at him with a questioning eyebrow, he grinned weakly. 'I might have been banned from here for being drunk and disorderly.'

Sirius's eyebrows raised higher, all the way to his hairline. 'I thought you couldn't drink.'

Remus rolled his eyes in a condescending manner. 'I can't drink when I'm on medication, which is only a few days out of the month. I can drink as much as I like on other days, and I may or may not have crossed the line in there.' He shot Sirius a sly wink and then put on a fake innocent expression, making him laugh loudly. 'Go on then, get your bags. I'll wait out here.' He shooed, and Sirius, glad for the distraction, did not argue.

All the anxious plans Sirius had been making on their way to the inn dissolved and his heart finally slowed in his chest as he walked out of the lift and unlocked his bedroom door. He was clearly over thinking things; Remus had no ulterior motive for inviting him to stay at the house other than the goodness of his heart. He wondered if Remus would be so kind if he knew Sirius had only accepted because of his perverted infatuation with the sandy blond. Or that he was going to use this as a perfect excuse to fool his mother into thinking that he was making progress with his investigation of Remus Lupin, when in reality, he had no intention of pursuing her foolish plans any further. There were no grounds for her accusation and Sirius had seen that first hand. Remus was nothing short of a saint.

Sirius wrote down a quick letter to his mother, embellishing the details by writing that he had managed to gain access to Lupin's home and while the other boy was being elusive with details, he would continue to probe and manipulate as much information as possible. He also explained that he would not correspond as frequently with her so as not to appear suspicious. It was a letter every Black would be proud to receive; it sounded devious, conniving, and calculating – everything Sirius hated being and usually avoided. Yet, if it was enough to fool his mother and buy him more time with Remus Lupin, Sirius would be willing to write as many horrid letters as his quill would allow.

'Don't leave until I'm out of sight, do you understand?' he commanded his owl, Perseus, as he let it out of the cage and tied the letter to its leg. 'And don't come back. I'll be contacting Mother by Floo.' He did not wait for the owl to hoot its confirmation, flicking his wand quickly so that his bags packed themselves and stood, lined up, at the front door.

Now that everything was settled, Sirius finally began to feel a bubble of excitement in his stomach at the thought of being so close to Remus, every single day. He still wasn't sure what he wanted out of this or even if he intended to pursue his crush, but he knew that he Remus made him happier than he had ever felt in years and he needed to pursue that happiness, for however short a time. When with the sandy blond, it was easy to forget who he was and what he was trying so hard to protect. By the time he got to the reception to hand in his keys, Sirius was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

'The absolute gall of him; standing there when Benny told him never to come back.'

Sirius frowned with disapproval at the two women, wearing staff uniforms, gossiping in the corner rather than getting on with their jobs. There was another person other than him clearly waiting for service, but they paid him no mind, as if expecting him to resolve everything by himself. They weren't even trying to whisper, their voices loud and obnoxious.

'Oh, Helen, are you sure? He always seemed like such a nice boy.'

'Did you enjoy your stay, Mr. Black?' The receptionist – Barry, according to his name tag - asked him in an accent so thick that Sirius could barely recognise it for English.

'Yes, thank you,' Sirius replied impatiently, wanting to get back to Remus.

'I heard it myself; he pretty much admitted to it in his drunken stupor. I always knew he was trouble, from the moment he arrived here. I used to live near the Lupins until Patrick got his promotion.' Sirius's ears perked up when he heard 'Lupin' being mentioned. 'Lyall and Hope were lovely but I could see clearly that they didn't care very much for the son. Some days, it was almost as if they pretended he didn't exist. What a monster you must be for your own parents to not love you.'

'Here's your deposit back, Mr. Black,' Barry handed him back muggle paper notes. 'That's a hundred quid, but you should count it just to make sure.'

'Ah, yes,' Sirius counted, clumsy due to his lack of familiarity with muggle money and also due to the distracting conversation now happening right beside him.

'How dreadful! Poor Alphard, getting caught up with a boy like that! He was such a lovely man; always said hello whenever he saw us in the supermarket.'

Helen, a portly woman, nodded. 'Aye, he was. His entire inheritance went to that boy, do you know that? A hundred people, all family, showed up to the funeral and not one of them got a single penny. Convenient, isn't it?'

The other woman looked horrified. 'Oh, Helen, can't we do something about it? Report him to the police?'

Sirius drew in a sharp breath and he tried best to keep up the pretense of not caring, looking fixedly down at the money in his hand. What had Remus done and why was Alphard the victim? He looked back, searching for a familiar head of sandy blond hair and found the boy still standing at the entrance, completely unaware of the conversation going inside.

'And say what, Sarah? We haven't got much proof against him. Patrick says to just leave it be and not get into matters that don't concern me, but it isn't right!'

Sirius pocketed the money quickly and picked up his suitcases, not wanting to hear any more. He walked out of the hotel so quickly, he nearly tripped over his own feet and was panting by the time he met up with Remus again. The women's voices were still ringing in his head and he could not stop thinking and over thinking the conversation he had overheard, regretting his decision to run away and wanting to go back in and demand an explanation. He was so distracted that he didn't even notice when Remus took one of his suitcases from him and started chatting cheerfully. He looked so very innocent with his wide amber eyes and crooked smile that Sirius was having a hard time believing anyone would accuse him of anything. Remus would not have hurt Alphard in anyway, Sirius was sure.

He was sure.

He was definitely, positively, sure.

'Who are you, Remus Lupin?' Sirius found himself asking before he could think about it.

Remus let out a surprised laugh and patted Sirius on the back heartily, clearly taking it as a joke. 'You know, I find myself asking the very same question every single day.'

* * *

 


	3. Why are you here, Remus Lupin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I know I'm a bit behind on replying to my reviews but I promise to get back to everyone who has been kind enough to leave one in the next couple of days. I just couldn't wait to post this chapter because...yeah...I was excited. :">

'Blimey, what is he wearing?'

'Tiffy is a she, Remus,' Sirius explained, rolling his eyes at how middle class Remus was acting. The sandy blond had confessed to him earlier that he had never met an elf before, but Sirius had assumed that living with Alphard would have given him a bit more knowledge about house servants. Even the poor house elf seemed embarrassed by his awe and was trying not to let her eyes wander as he circled her in inspection.

'Well, there's no way of knowing that, is there?' Remus exclaimed, bending down and peering into the elf's upturned ears curiously as she patiently stood still in the middle of the kitchen. If Remus was looking for a way to identify the servant's gender, he would certainly not find it in her ears. 'You've dressed the poor thing in what appears to be a pillow case and not a very new one at that!' he squatted down to the ground so that he was eye level with the elf. 'Well, what's your name, little elf?' he asked, his amber eyes still curiously surveying her features as if trying to find hidden answers in them.

'Tiffy, sir,' the little elf squeaked, keeping her posture straight even as Remus was staring at her toes with peculiar interest.

'Well, it is a pleasure meeting you, Tiffy,' Remus replied kindly, looking up, 'I'm Remus.'

Tiffy curtsied. 'Tiffy is happy to be serving Master Remus.'

'Please, call me Remus,' he waved off the formality and Sirius could not help but let out a derisive chuckle.

'Master Remus,' Tiffy nodded, clearly not understanding.

'Tiffy isn't allowed to call you by name only, Remus,' Sirius explained snootily, his pureblood cockiness showing through. 'She is your servant.'

'Well, then I shall call her Lady Tiffy from now,' Remus replied back with a smile that was both rebellious and prideful, clearly challenging Sirius. 'Lady Tiffy The First,' he went on cheekily, his hand reaching up to clearly ruffle the elf's hair and only stopping when Sirius help him urgently by the wrist. By then, poor Tiffy had already recoiled and hunched in on herself in fear.

'Dear Merlin, Remus,' Sirius scolded, letting the boy's hand drop despite how warm it fell in his, 'you cannot touch a house elf unless you are trying to punish her! Do you know nothing?'

Remus's eyes widened in realisation. 'I'm sorry to have startled you, Tiffy,' he amended, holding his palms up in peace. He waited until the elf straightened back up and curtsied again. 'Welcome to the Lupin house. It's a small house compared to what you're used to, but it's certainly more of a challenge to maintain with me around.' He smiled encouragingly, again waiting for Tiffy to smile back in response. He really was very kind, no matter how foolish. 'Hopefully I can sort out your clothes by tonight; maybe shrink something of mine that has less wear in it and then transfigure it to make it look a little more pretty for you.'

Sirius sighed in exasperation, resisting the urge to slap a palm to his forehead. 'Remus,' he moaned with frustration, 'you cannot give an elf clothes unless you're trying to sack it.'

'For God's sake,' Remus stood up, stamping his foot childishly. His muggle roots were clearly showing in his choice of language when angry. 'There are simply too many rules to having a house elf. I can't have her wear this eye sore in the house,' he growled, pointing at the ragged pillow case Tiffy was wearing, 'so if anything, having to wear my clothes is a punishment I'm enforcing on her to protect my delicate vision. Giving this elf a uniform is enslaving her to this house and my services, especially if I am to give her a skirt which will objectify her as a woman rather than amplify her talent in the kitchen. Is that macabre enough for your pureblood standards?' He asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest and glaring at Sirius challengingly.

Tiffy giggled, stifling it by pressing her lips together when Sirius shot her a disapproving look.

'Now, Lady Tiffy, could you please prepare us some breakfast?' Remus said, self-importantly when Sirius could not help but concede to him with a hopeless smile.

After all, Sirius was here in the Lupin house to be away from his Mother, so why follow her rules even in her absence. As his friend, James, had once mentioned, just because it was something everyone around him believed didn't necessarily make it right.

'Soldiers for me and scrambled for Master Sirius, here. We'll have it in the garden if it's not much of a fuss.'

'It is being no fuss at all, Master Remus!' Tiffy squeaked happily, already running to the kitchen and gathering pots and pans with an easy efficiency and familiarity that only comes from house elf magic. 'Master Remus will be having the bestest breakfast in the world!' she assured, her fingers waving to activate all the household spells that Sirius had only ever heard of but never seen in the Black house or Hogwarts as elves always tried their best to be discrete.

'Looks like someone has taken quite a shine to you,' Sirius commented, following Remus out to the garden. The weather was wonderfully clear, the sun shining down on them merrily in a way that made Sirius feel woozy with both happiness and love struck awe at how lovely it made Remus look. Amber eyes sparkling, pale skin flushed, and a golden halo on dowdy sandy blonde curls: Sirius could certainly not blame Tiffy for being besotted.

'I'm not surprised,' Remus replied with a silly grin, dumping the books that were strewn about on the wicker table onto one of the garden chairs. 'I am quite the ladies' man, after all.' He laughed along with Sirius, as they held opposite ends of a white table cloth and let it fall onto the table neatly.

The couple of days Sirius had stayed here, he discovered that Remus very much enjoyed having breakfast or tea outside in the back garden, especially after having pottered around with his exotic plants or spent a busy day in the lab. The table was kept farther to the corner, thankfully away from the potentially poisonous vegetation and also hidden away behind bushes from any prying neighbourhood eyes to ensure perfect privacy. It really was a perfect safe haven and Sirius could see why Remus preferred it so much. The only thing he did not understand however was why Remus felt it was appropriate to enjoy breakfast outside in bare feet. When he had asked the other boy about it, Remus had only laughed as he usually did and vaguely answered that the animal in his likes the freedom of not having to wear shoes.

'Trying to steal my research?' Remus mock accused as Sirius rearranged the notebooks that had been discarded back on the table so that he had a place to sit.

Sirius snorted. 'I would, but it seems all of it is just the gibberish of a mad scientist,' he pointed out at the weird pattern of letters, numbers and runes that dotted the pages of Remus's research notebook in no apparent pattern, style, or even discernible handwriting.

'Only to you,' Remus replied conspiratorially. 'It's coded, see' he explained excitedly, leaning closer to Sirius to turn page after page to show him. Unfortunately, all Sirius could concentrate on was how close the other boy was and how warm it felt when their hands brushed accidentally. 'It only appears gibberish to anyone who looks at it without the password and there is no way to decode it because it changes every other day in no particular pattern.' Remus's hair smelled particularly lovely today, like chocolate and coconuts, and Sirius unashamedly leaned forwards to take a generous sniff. 'You can say it's a type of cipher that codes itself only for those unauthorised to gaze upon my brilliance.'

'Fascinating,' Sirius replied dazedly, completely unable to think when Remus laid a hand on his knee to explain further.

'It also has self-destruct spells on it, so the moment someone tries to reveal it with a spell, it incinerates itself.' Sirius's heart threatened to beat right out of its rib cage and Remus's hand squeezed his knee with enthusiasm. He could do nothing but look at those lovely nimble fingers, his mind running through lewd images of all the other things they could do if they only focused their attention a little higher up his leg. 'It also self-destructs if anyone other than me tries to take it out of the house without a password. Alphard's research was an absolute mess before I enforced all this security. It was a miracle he didn't think of them given the nature-Sirius, are you even listening to me.'

'I think I was at some point,' Sirius replied, clearing his voice and trying his hardest to concentrate. 'But then I got lost in your beautiful eyes.'

Watching Remus blush brightly was worth the hit he took to the back of his head.

* * *

_He sees him being dragged off down the staircases and their eyes meet only for seconds before Sirius looks away with a sense of detachment he has always felt for his family. Regulus is Mother's favourite after all; the son that did her proud and sorted into Slytherin. He has no doubt that his brother will receive nothing but a slap on the wrist and then be sent off to bed without dinner. Child's play compared to what Sirius has had to endure for all these years._

_No more though._

_As Sirius closes the door and locks it, his face splits into a true smile. He cannot stop looking at his neatly packed trunk and his broomstick leaning against it, ready to leave tonight – forever. As of tomorrow morning, he will be one of the Potters and James's true brother. He will be rid of this name, this house, and most of all, his mother. He will finally be free._

_It is that very excitement and anticipation of freedom that keeps him awake in the dead of the night._

_Awake enough to hear the piercing screams of fear that chills him to the bone and sets his heart racing as he runs to the dungeon with his wand at hand. The minutes it takes for him to unlock the doors and navigate through the chambers feel like unbearable hours. The screams are harrowing, unstoppable, and shrill, and Sirius's imagination conjures up horrific images of his brother being mangled and beaten. When he finally reaches the end of the passage, he finds his younger sibling crouched in a darkened corner, knees pulled close to his chest, eyes closed tightly and hands over his ears as he sobs an endless chant of 'no, no, no, no'. There is a hand closed around his ankle, pale and blue, but unmoving._

_The hand belongs to Sirius._

_Not the Sirius that is standing there, his wand poised and body shaking in both terror and disbelief._

_Another Sirius._

_A Sirius that is dead._

Sirius woke up sweating and panicked, his legs struggling with the bed sheets tangled around his ankles as he tried to get out of bed. He rushed to the fireplace, his breath coming out in shallow gasps and beads of sweat trickling down his forehead and the tip of his nose as he kneeled down. His hands were shaking even as he threw the Floo powder in and panted out Grimmauld Place's address. His blood ran cold when he saw Regulus sitting beside his Mother in the study. His brother's face was taut, as if trying to school his disapproval and Sirius could tell that he had intruded upon some kind important conversation between them.

'Sirius, I hope you have some good news for me,' His mother's steely grey eyes met his own. 'I must say, I'm running out of patience with you. If you honestly can tell me nothing, then I will arrange for a trip myself.'

'Lupin is guarded, I've told you already,' Sirius replied, looking between Regulus and Walburga suspiciously. His brother definitely looked uncomfortable, shifting his legs in his chair in an almost nervous manner. 'I think you are on a fool's errand anyway. He's innocent and there is nothing you can say against him.' He tried to ignore the niggling voice that reminded him of the conversation he had heard the other day at the inn. 'He is Alphard's colleague and from the looks of it, he has very little interest in his money and possessions. If anything, he is much more bothered with his research.'

'And was he a permanent addition to Alphard's research or does he work on certain projects only?' Walburga asked, her eyes contemplative and scheming.

'I didn't ask,' Sirius replied, his brows furrowing. He weighed his words, wondering what kind of information she was looking for with this question and answered carefully, 'From what I understand, he was Alphard's research partner. He works in the lab every day, so I doubt he's restricted to single projects.' He maintained focus on her to gauge what she was thinking but her face remained frustratingly impassive. She was definitely looking for a connection; a way she could frame Remus by showing he had an illicit relationship and interest in Alphard. Sirius was not going to give her anything, most certainly nothing that would in any way hurt the other boy. 'What does this have to do with the inheritance?' he asked finally, when Walburga contemplated in prolonged silence. 'I believe, of all things, Alphard's intellectual property was of least interest to you.'

Dark lashes lifted to reveal grey eyes and a smile that sent a shiver down Sirius's spine. 'Do you know, Sirius, asking too many questions can get you into very unwanted situations,' she said in a sweetened voice. 'I was just explaining this to your brother yesterday and-'

'Don't lay a hand on him!' Sirius growled, lurching forward as he momentarily forgot that he was on Floo call and not facing her. His gut lurched and twisted before he caught himself.

'Sirius, calm down!' Regulus exclaimed, standing up in his chair but sitting back down when Walburga shot him a stern glare. 'Mother and I were only speaking of the dinner party we attended last night.' He glanced back at Mother, legs crossing then uncrossing. 'There was a Mr. Tom Riddle who I found most interesting. We talked about loyalty and blood purity; he was explaining to me about how mudbloods fool the good wizarding society into believing that they are worthy of being a part of our world.' His grey eyes, so similar to their mother's, hardened with hidden meaning as he looked directly at Sirius. ' _But not everything is as it seems._ '

'I could not agree more,' Walburga interrupted, breaking whatever connection the two brothers were having at that very moment and leaving Sirius confused and muddled as to exactly what Regulus was trying to tell him. 'Not everything is as it seems, especially in the case of this Lupin boy.' She stood up and slowly walked to the fireplace, kneeling down until they were face to face and whispering only for him to hear, 'I don't like hurting my youngest, Sirius, I really don't. Merlin knows you will get yourself killed one day and I will certainly need my backup.' She laughed when Sirius's expression turned fowl. 'Come now, Sirius, you know Mother loves you both equally.' She stroked the flames surrounding his face with the tips of her nails. 'However, love comes at a price and Regulus's is for you continue your lookout of this boy. Find out exactly what he had been working on before my dear brother's health took a turn. They say Alphard died in the laboratory, didn't they?'

Sirius looked at her, shocked. 'Do you think Alphard was murdered?'

Walburga laughed again, the noise grating on Sirius's nerves. 'Remember what I said about questions, Sirius,' she reminded him in a sing-songy voice.

Grudgingly, Sirius said nothing. He nodded and then pulled out of the Floo, signalling the end of the conversation. His mind reeled with thoughts: Regulus's hidden message and his mother's implication of Alphard's death being less than natural. But most of all, he felt fear. His heart was consumed by it, overriding his mind and reminding him of Regulus, of his little brother who was still so very young and fragile. Images from his dream flashed back in his mind, burning behind his eyelids as he closed his eyes shut tightly and pressed his hand against his still sweaty forehead.

'Tiffy!' he yelled, his voice shaking.

A short pop and the house elf was standing in front of Sirius, levitating what could only be laundry to her right. Tiffy's demeanour had changed greatly since she'd come to the Lupin house a week ago. She looked much more presentable, for one, in her white shirt and pink pleated skirt, and she almost always greeted him with a smile on her face. She was already becoming very attached to Remus, often making his favourite cakes and puddings without having to be asked. Sirius had initially chosen her to serve here because she was the least offensive among all the Black house elves; she did not spend her time praising the ground Walburga Black walked on and therefore spoke little about pureblood supremacy – something Remus would definitely appreciate. This also made her the most tolerable to Sirius, who despised everything that elves represented otherwise. He saw them as slaves; unquestioningly working away for their masters without an ounce of self. In effect, he also saw himself in them.

'Run a warm bath for me,' he ordered, rubbing his face tiredly. 'Charm it to stay for an hour.'

'Yes, Master Sirius.'

Sirius looked up, then frowned as he noticed something off about the pile of laundry floating near Tiffy's head. 'Are these Remus's clothes?' he asked, picking up one of them and inspecting the oddly long sleeves and wider shoulders. 'I thought he didn't wear wizarding robes. These are a bit big for him as well, aren't they?'

'They is Master Alphard's, Master Sirius,' Tiffy replied obediently, folding the shirt Sirius ad picked out back up and placing it in the floating pile. 'Master Remus is ordering them to be cleaned and stored in the attic to make spaces for his own clothes.'

Sirius sifted through the clothes again, as if looking for a clue he was still not sure of. Alphard's clothes weren't filthy, but spoke of a life without the convenience of a house elf. While obviously expensive, there were stains everywhere of a variety of colours; undoubtedly from the experiments he conducted. For moments, Sirius had paused when he noticed a reddish brown stain that looked suspiciously like blood before remembering that Alphard had died of heart problems and not any sort of bleeding. At least, that's what they'd told everyone. Nonetheless, he brought it to his nose to see if he could smell the metallic tang of blood. 'Why does he want space for his own clothes? Isn't there enough in his room?'

'Master Remus is never using his old room, Sir. He is sleeping in Master Alphard's old room. Today, he is asking Tiffy for everything to be changed and cleaned. He is a very nice master, Master Sirius.' She smiled shyly, her cheeks colouring. 'He says to Tiffy that with Tiffy's beginning in this house will come other, much nicer new beginnings. He is a kind master.'

'Very well,' Sirius waved off, a million questions now racing through his head, none of them answerable by a house elf. 'Delay the bath by an hour, Tiffy. I would like to talk to your kind Master Remus first.'

He did not wait for Tiffy to respond or disapparate, walking out of his room and down the winding staircases. Sirius had only been to the lab once before this, when Remus had been showing him around the house. It was an added extension to the house, overlooking the back garden. There was a small hallway that connected the lab to the rest of the house and the air within it crackled with the magic of protection spells that had been put to safeguard the rest of the house from repercussions of wayward experiments as well as soundproofing and privacy spells to ensure maximum exclusivity when working. The lab itself looked like something Sirius had only seen in textbooks, with the walls covered with rows upon rows of ingredients and a myriad of apparatus scattered everywhere. There were cauldrons bubbling everywhere, miniature explosions happening in some of them (both planned and unplanned), coloured smoke passing through the vents in the wall, and knives charmed to chop up ingredients. And amidst all that chaos was one Remus Lupin, wearing a gas mask and his black rimmed glasses, as he sat in one of the two desks in the corner of the room and furiously scribbled away.

'Sirius!' Remus exclaimed, jumping in his seat in shock when Sirius put a hand on his shoulder to draw his attention. His voice came out muffled behind the mask and his breath rattled almost eerily as he spoke. 'You startled me there! You shouldn't be in the lab right now; I think I may have screwed up one of the potions here and it's emitting a red gas of some sort.' He summoned another gas mask and quickly pulled it over Sirius's head. 'I'm not sure what it does yet, but its red which is never a good colour for anything to be. Except strawberries; strawberries are lovely when they're red.' He grinned sheepishly, clearly ashamed at having been caught botching up a potion. 'So what brings the great Sirius Black down to the lair of doom? You don't usually grace me with your presence at this time.'

Sirius was not one to beat around the bush. 'Why are you sleeping in Alphard's quarters?'

The question clearly caught Remus off guard and while Sirius couldn't see his expression behind the mask, his body language told him that he was clearly shocked by the abrupt question. 'Well, it's the master bedroom, isn't it?' he answered once he'd managed to recompose himself. 'And I am the master of the house now. I'd say a little shifting is deserved.' He laughed, but it came out as weak and unconvincing. It was clear that he was lying and he himself knew it because he quickly tried to change the subject. 'Have you eaten anything yet? Tiffy is an absolute miracle in the kitchen; she did this brilliant thing with-'

'Why were you wearing his clothes?' Sirius interrupted, 'Tiffy mentioned that you'd given her all of Alphard's clothes to clean but they clearly smell like you.' He did not mention how he knew Remus's smell so well or exactly how wonderful he felt Remus always smelled; like chocolate and fresh parchment.

'Clearly you have failed to notice my complete inability to do any sort of household charms,' Remus laughed off, this time his voice more confident and sure of himself as he started to walk away from Sirius and occupied himself with one of the cauldrons. He vanished the potion that had been smoking red, but still kept his mask on. 'I put off laundry till the last minute and then I have nothing to wear, so I simply borrow Alphard's. Now that I have Tiffy, I can finally put them away for good. I didn't realise I had stunk them up so badly.'

Sirius had seen Remus every single day since Alphard's death, but had never seen him wear his uncle's robes. In fact, Sirius had never seen Remus wear anything even moderately as expensive as those robes had clearly been; he had always kept to very ordinary muggle clothing. Robes tailored like Alphard's would certainly make one feel quite important – like the master of the house and certainly like a man who had finally inherited a very large fortune. Wearing Alphard's robes would definitely feel very satisfying, if Mother's inkling was right and Remus was somehow responsible for his death. It would also explain why Remus felt the need to hide something like this.

'Why are you here Remus?' Sirius asked, knowing full well that what he was about to say was going to sound rude and intrusive. Yet, for the first time since they met, he could not help but feel that there was something very, very wrong with Remus Lupin. The secrets he kept were unnerving and Sirius wanted answers from the horse's mouth rather than jump to conclusions and support his mother's ridiculous ideas. 'From what I understood, you had no discernible talent in potions or research; yet, Alphard chose you to assist him. You have no relation to the Black family; yet here you are, an heir to Alphard's proverbial throne. You are taking over everything he ever owned, including his research, and despite being just an assistant co-worker, you seem quite adept at holding the Ministry's funding all by yourself.'

Remus's hands were shaking.

Sirius felt sorry for him, but his curiosity and anger overrode any sympathy he felt. 'Answer me, Remus. Why are you here?'

Remus's hands stilled and he turned to Sirius, finally lifting his gas mask to reveal hardened amber eyes. 'Only if you tell me why  _you_ are here, Sirius.' When the silence between them stretched for far too long, he looked away with a bitter laugh and tossed his mask to the side. 'We all have our secrets, Sirius, but some of us have learned to respect them.'

* * *

 


	4. Are You Innocent, Remus Lupin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't beta'd yet, but I'll be giving it a second read after posting and fix all the errors. Feel free to let me know if you find any. Enjoy!

Sirius scrutinized his reflection in the hallway mirror, his heart beating at a nervous pace. He didn’t know why he felt so anxious; perhaps because this was his first time ever asking anyone on a date and also his first time ever wanting to be in a relationship with someone so badly. It was a good plan, he reckoned – he was going to ask Remus for dinner tonight and hint at it being possibly a romantic affair. If the other boy showed an interest, Sirius would classify it as a date, and if not, then he would simply brush it off as an apology dinner for acting the way he had last week in the lab. Despite his bullet proof plan, Sirius sincerely hoped the latter would not happen. He wasn’t quite sure how well he would take rejection, but if the strength of his feelings were any indication, then there was every chance that he would crumple to the ground and cry his eyes out while nursing his bleeding heart.

Sirius always did have a penchant for drama.

He checked the mirror again before walking to the end of the hall where the library, where Tiffy had mentioned last seeing the sandy blonde. Even as he walked, his hands smoothed invisible lines in his clothes and fussed with his hair nervously. He could almost hear the blood pounding to his and he took a few deep breaths to steel his resolve, before poising his knuckles in front of the closed door to knock.

_ ‘I need another week.’ _

Sirius paused, realising that he was spared from the humiliation of a possible rejection for a few extra minutes. Remus appeared to be in conversation with someone, either by the muggle telephone or by Floo, as Sirius had not seen anyone come into the house today. He paced in front of the door, debating whether to come back later or redo his proposal in a more appropriate time of day or even simply suggesting it casually over dinner rather than making a big show of it.

_ ‘You can’t hurry it. If the ingredients aren’t in balance, it might as well be poison.’ _

Sirius paced the length of the carpet again, wondering if he should come back. It seemed like Remus was having a conversation about work, possible the Ministry and was not having a particularly easy time of it. He wondered what the poor bloke was being pressured into; it could not be easy having to pick up where Alphard left off all by himself. Sirius had never thought about it because the sandy haired boy was always so cheerful around him, but Remus was probably having a very difficult time with his research and was now under both constant pressure and scrutiny to deliver. In fact, when he truly thought about it, Remus was almost always working, even when he spent time with Sirius, either in the garden or the labs and sometimes even during meals.

_ ‘Of course I know how important this Wolfsbane is to the whole cause! If anyone understands, it’s me!’ _

Sirius bit his lip, hesitating only for a second before curiosity got the better of him and he pressed his ear to the door. He found it odd that he could only hear Remus’s voice but not the other party’s. Were they perhaps talking on the muggle telephone instead of the Floo? It seemed an odd mode of communication for the Ministry to use. Whatever they were speaking about, Remus sounded furious; Sirius had never heard him shout so loudly before.

_ ‘Well, Alphard isn’t the boss of me and he certainly isn’t here to stop me anymore. That problem has already been taken care of for you, hasn’t it?’ _

Sirius only just held back his gasp, covering his mouth with his hand as he pressed his ear even closer to the door. ‘It’s nothing,’ he whispered to himself. ‘It’s a misunderstanding.’ He urged himself to not jump to conclusions like the last time, especially since he hadn’t heard the other end of the conversation. He just needed to ignore it; ignore every little horrible thing that seemed to be tainting his image of the perfect Remus Lupin. If he ignored it, all the facts would change and Remus would be Remus again – the person Sirius had taken more than a fancy towards. If he walked away right now, he would not have to confront any of the fears he might have or face the repercussions of them becoming a reality.

_ ‘Just wait for me to call you. I’m going to be useless for three days of this week anyway and I have someone living with me at the moment, so I don’t want you coming in, and getting him involved.’ _

He should walk away.

He could still go unscathed if he walked away right now.

_  ‘It’s not any of your concern who he is, but he needs to stay away from this as much as possible, especially him.  **Especially** him.’ _

Sirius’s fists clenched as he tried to control his uneven breathing, which sounded loud and intrusive in his ears.

_ ‘Yes, all right. Goodbye.’ _

Sirius walked away, telling himself that it was still not too late to un-hear everything. He had heard nothing after all; nothing at all if he didn’t think about it too closely or scrutinize every bit of information. However, even without putting much thought into it, his mind easily concluded that this was definitely not a call from the Ministry. Remus had definitely been liaising with someone else, someone who Alphard had been firmly against when he had been alive; enough to oppose to whatever the sandy blonde was conceding to at the moment and also enough to have disastrous consequences if the young Black were to get involved, probably because Sirius was directly associated with Alphard and would possibly not react well to whatever it was that was being done. The word, Wolfsbane came to mind again. Sirius was not an expert in Potions, certainly not at the level Remus was, but he was sure he had never heard of such a thing before. Louth had no wizarding library and Sirius could not apparate to the London library without having his absence noticed, nor could he apparate home empty handed without raising questions of his return. He could not ask Regulus to look without his mother over hearing and Sirius had no one else to contact. The best starting place for him would in fact be the Lupin library, right here where whatever this Wolfsbane was had likely originated.

Tomorrow, he promised himself. Tomorrow morning, he would sneak into the library when Remus was busy in the lab or sleeping in since he tended to work late into the night. If he got caught, he could always make excuses of boredom and wanting to do some light reading. Sirius was sure the key lay in finding out what Wolsbane was. Remus would not have hurt Uncle Alphard. He was innocent. He was definitely innocent.

‘Sirius, how much longer do you plan to stay here, in Louth?’

Sirius was startled out of his thoughts by Remus’s voice and he blinked rapidly, trying to focus on the boy before him. He had come to garden for some privacy, assuming that Remus was going to be working in the lab today, but judging by his state, it seemed that the other boy had been here for quite some time. The sandy blonde was wearing khaki shorts and a t-shirt under his gardening apron today; as always, covered in dirt and mud. His usual sun hat had been abandoned, possibly because it kept slipping off his head from the sweat that dampened curls and brow. His skin was looking very clammy and pale, and his body language was tenser and more agitated that usual. If Sirius had not listened into the conversation earlier, he would have assume Remus had taken ill –even his pupils seemed more dilated than usual and the always persistent flush in his cheeks was definitely missing. Yet, he still graced Sirius with a cheerful smile.

Remus Lupin was definitely innocent.

‘Tired of me already?’ Sirius asked with a smile, rolling up the bottom of his trousers and joining the gardening kerfuffle. Remus rarely ever told him what experiment he was working on, but often let him pick out the necessary ingredients from the garden or even handle some of the mental ones (like the incident with the mandrake) in the lab. The Black heir wondered if he were handling Wolfsbane ingredients right now and if he should try to be more observant.

Remus chuckled. ‘Of course not.’ He carefully clipped away the dittany in front of him, taking care to only catch the leaves and leave the stem untouched. ‘I ask because I will need you to stay at the inn for a couple of days starting tomorrow. I should have told you earlier but it honestly slipped my mind. I’ll be conducting an experiment that might be a bit hazardous and I’m not quite comfortable with you staying here and endangering yourself.’

Sirius hummed, grabbing a pair of small scissors from Remus’s tool kit and starting to help. ‘Will you be conducting the experiment tonight?’

Remus breathed in sharply and nodded. ‘The moon is a critical factor in the process; it can’t be done any other way. I’ll be sealing off the perimeters of the house, so no one can get in or out, including me.’ His fingers were shaking.

Sirius found it odd that Remus would be willing to seal himself in. If the experiment was as hazardous as he claimed, then surely he would want a preplanned escape route should anything go wrong. However, Remus had only just forgiven him for his behaviour in the lab last week and Sirius was not willing to agitate the boy any further at this point. Not before he knew more about what was going on. So despite his misgivings, he nodded in agreement. ‘I understand. I’ll leave before moonrise. Will you be all right?’

Remus Lupin was definitely innocent.

Small pink lips tilted up in a smile. ‘I’ve done this before; though this is my first time without Alphard,’ he paused, switching over to the Aconite plant. ‘I suppose it might be a bit more difficult without hi-.’ He hissed in pain, suddenly dropping his scissors and using that hand to cradle the other that had been holding the plant.

‘Are you all right?’ Sirius asked alarmed. ‘Let me see,’ he forcefully pulled Remus’s right hand to him, his eyes widening in shock at the extent of visible damage to the skin. Remus’s fingers were blistering, the skin starting to crack and bleed profusely. A slight rash was starting to spread to his palm and wrist and Sirius stemmed that first with a quick healing spell. ‘Fuck me,’ he whispered, touching his wand to the wound and concentrating on the strongest charm he knew. ‘What did you do?’

Remus’s eyes watered from the pain, but he held still. His already damp skin was breaking out into a feverish sweat and blood bloomed in his cheeks and neck. ‘It’s nothing. I always forget I’m allergic to this God damn thing.’

Sirius had never seen an allergic reaction this severe to anything, much less a plant. ‘I’ll pick it for you later. Once I’m done healing, I’ll ask Tiffy to get you some ice. It will calm down the swelling a little bit. You should rest for a bit; you don’t look well.’

‘Thank you,’ Remus gritted his teeth as another wave of pain passed through him from a fourth healing spell. ‘How’s your brother?’ he asked, clearly avoiding Sirius’s advice by changing the subject. ‘It’s been a while since you spoke of him.

‘He’s well, I hope,’ Sirius replied, trying not to think too much about Regulus and if Mother was keeping her end of the promise.

Remus tilted his head questioningly. ‘You hope?’

The black haired boy sighed. ‘Recently, he’s starting to have a lot of his own opinions.’

Remus laughed then cringed when the last of his wound cleared off to reveal smooth skin. ‘I feel a sense of Déjà vu here. Your uncle once told me the same thing about you.’

A single black eyebrow lifted. ‘Oh?’

Remus nodded, his breathing clearly laboured (another sign of illness?).  ‘Yes, but he didn’t seem as displeased about it as you.’

Sirius snorted. ‘Well, he never saw me suffering the wrath of the Black dungeons, did he?’ He muttered derisively before realising that he’d said it aloud. ‘I’m sorry, please forget I said that.’ Remus Lupin was a stranger and no matter how much he knew about the Black family through Alphard, Sirius was not comfortable with anyone knowing the gritty details. Even his best friend from school, James Potter, hadn’t known for the same precise reason as Remus: Sirius  _hated_ pity.

And the look Remus was sending him at that moment was so full of it that it ate through his insides and made him feel insignificant and weak. ‘Sirius,’ Remus started hesitantly, ‘are you-‘

‘Everyone has their secrets, right?’ Sirius interrupted harshly, throwing back Remus’s words against him. ‘I’d rather not talk about it.’ In his anger, he hadn’t realised that he was still holding Remus’s hand and squeezing it in a way that was undoubtedly painful. However, the other boy didn’t seem to be complaining at all, patiently letting Sirius ride out his anger. Sirius looked down again, at the pale hand enclosed within his own; it was beautiful like everything that was Remus. Long fingered and delicate, but covered in old scars that had not healed properly. The scars were something Sirius had noticed many, many times, but did not ask because he had a feeling it had much to do with Remus’s parents. Sirius’s own scars were less visible – emotional instead of physical. He traced one of them with his thumb, gently, apologising for his roughness earlier.

When he looked up again and saw kind, understanding amber eyes staring back at him, Sirius knew he could not cap his feelings anymore. He leaned in and closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to the other boy softly. His heart beat like mad in his chest and the affection he felt for Remus increased tenfold when he realised he could taste a hint of chocolate under all those layers of dirt and grass. He swallowed the hitch in Remus’s breath, wanting to push the kiss further, but caught himself from going too far and reluctantly moved away.

‘Sorry,’ he whispered against the other’s lips, not feeling apologetic at all. He stared into Remus’s shocked eyes, mesmerised by the flecks of green and gold swirling within them. ‘Sorry, I know I shouldn’t have, but-‘ He swallowed, a hesitant hand rising to caress Remus’s cheek. ‘That was uncalled for, but I really, really wanted to kiss you.’

‘I-‘ Remus struggled to get words out, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinked and tried to comprehend the situation.

He did not seem to be discouraging their proximity or Sirius’s fingers gently twisting into his hair. His skin was hot to touch, abnormally hot. It was not nerves after all; Remus was definitely ill. ‘Let’s talk about this when I come back, okay?’ he said softly, rubbing soothing circles into the back of the other boy’s neck. When Remus, clearly relieved, nodded, Sirius pressed a kiss to his forehead and pulled him into a hug, comforted by the fact that he was at least not being pushed away or rejected. A tiny bubble of hope rose in his chest as thin arms wrapped around him and a cheek rested on his right shoulder.

Remus Lupin was without doubt innocent.

* * *

 

Sirius walked in to the Lupin home on a Wednesday afternoon, relieved to be in a familiar place once again, after two hellish nights in the inn. He wondered when he had become so accustomed to having the luxury of companionship, when half his life, he had spent at the Grimmaul Place. He had missed Remus terribly and had kept replaying the kiss between them again and again in his mind, crafting what he would say when they finally met. He had promised to talk about it when he returned, but still didn’t know what he could say to convince Remus to be with him.

‘Is Master Sirius liking some breakfast?’

‘A cup of tea will suffice, Tiffy,’ Sirius muttered, putting his bag down to be taken upstairs. ‘Is Remus in the lab?’ he asked, looking at the house elf running between the kettle and the counter, where a book too large for her was open. ‘What in Merlin’s name are you doing?’

‘Tiffy is learning to bake birthday cakes, Master Sirius,’ Tiffy replied, without stopping. ‘It is Master Remus’s birthday day after and Tiffy wants to bake a birthday cake with all the chocolate Master Remus is liking. Tiffy isn’t ever baking birthday cakes in Grimmauld Place; Mistress forbids it.’ Sirius knew that without Tiffy telling him; Sirius’s first every birthday cake had been courtesy of James Potter, when they had raided the Hogwarts kitchens on his twelfth birthday. ‘If Master Sirius likes, Tiffy can serve some cake Tiffy makes for practice with tea? She can sends it up to Master Remus’s room and Master Sirius can be having it together. So that Master Remus is feeling better.’

‘Remus is still ill?’ Sirius asked, already helping himself to some of the biscuits Tiffy had laid out on the tray.

‘Very ill.’ Tiffy lamented, shaking her head sorrowfully. ‘Master Remus is very ill. He cannot be getting out of bed; poor Master Remus.’

‘Did one of the experiments go wrong?’ Sirius asked worriedly, dusting biscuit crumbs from his hands. Remus had mentioned that it was a regular routine for him and wasn’t likely to go wrong, but the illness had only been a slight fever when he had left. Surely, it could not have escalated so quickly. ‘Is everything all right? You remained, didn’t you?’

Tiffy shook her head. ‘Tiffy did not remain, Master Sirius. Tiffy is under strict instruction to only return yesterday morning.’

Sirius frowned in confusion. Why would Remus allow Tiffy to return a day earlier than Sirius? It made no sense whatsoever; surely a house elf would be in more danger of a wayward experiment than a wizard due to its size. A wizard was also likely to be of more help during a crisis. Unless of course, Remus was purposefully hiding something from Sirius; something that he was working on that Sirius couldn’t know or get involved in.

Shoving that thought to the very recesses of his mind, Sirius bounded the stairs towards Remus’s bedroom, taking two at a time. He did not bother knocking, simply bursting into the room and coming face to face with the sight of Remus Lupin, looking as if he’d been run over by the Knight Bus. Both his eyes were heavily bagged with purple, stark against his deathly pale skin and his sunken cheekbones. The pungent scent of potions was heavy in the air, clearly working on healing the mess that was currently Remus. Sirius never should have left. He should have resisted the idea of Remus working when he was clearly ill; would have if he’d known it was this serious.

‘Oh good, you’re here. I need a piss very badly and I find bed pans terribly humiliating,’ Remus greeted in a chipper voice, as if everything was normal and he didn’t look death warmed over. ‘Give me a hand, won’t you? These legs won’t cooperate with me.’ He beckoned Sirius over, latching on to his shoulders for support when Sirius finally gained enough sense to come closer. ‘How was your stay at the inn? I hope you didn’t miss me too much.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me you were this sick? You look terrible,’ Sirius finally voiced, still not over his shock, as he supported almost all of Remus’s weight and walked slowly to the bathroom. The other boy felt much lighter than he looked and Sirius could tell from his movements alone that it was the lack of energy that was hindering Remus from moving freely. Worry niggled in his gut the more Remus’s feet dragged, and he wrapped both arms even tighter around the boy protectively.

‘You always know how to pay a compliment, Monsieur Black,’ Remus fluttered his lashes, bursting out laughing when Sirius’s face was anything but amused. ‘Don’t worry; this has happened before. I’m all right, I promise.’ He patted Sirius on the back reassuringly and then shifted his weight against the wall near the toilet.

‘You don’t look all right to me,’ Sirius muttered helping the boy balance as he struggled with the drawstrings of his bottoms. ‘You should go to a hospital. I could apparate you to Mungo’s in London.’ He tried to keep his eyes firmly on Remus’s face, as the bottoms dropped to the floor. If there was any time for Sirius to exercise propriety and decency, it was now, when faced with the potential to see a sick man’s cock. ‘If this is happening often, then you need proper medical attention. Tiffy isn’t trained beyond simple healing spells and neither am I.’

‘I am,’ Remus countered, flushing the toilet. ‘I told you, this has happened before and I’m able to take care of myself surprisingly well. It helps that I heal quickly. A little help?’ He looked pointedly at his trousers that were pooled around his ankles and Sirius had no choice but to look as he helped pick them up. He pretended that the brush of his fingers against the back of Remus’s thighs was accidental, feeling ashamed of taking advantage of a sick man. ‘I’ll be as right as rain tomorrow morning, you’ll see.’

He smiled so sweetly that Sirius could not help but feel an uncontrollable wave of affection for him. He pushed away limp sandy blond curls away from his pale face, feeling Remus’s feverish breath against his face and his dilated eyes following the movements of his fingers. ‘You’re so beautiful,’ Sirius whispered, not bothering to filter his words and pressing his forehead against the sandy blonde’s. ‘You’re really, really beautiful and I don’t know why, but I care about you. I really, really care about you. Fancy you to bits actually.’ He felt the other boy laugh weakly and taking it as encouragement, he leaned in for another kiss.

This time, Remus kissed back, tentatively, their lips meeting in the softest of touches. Long fingers buried into black hair, as Sirius’s own hands settled on Remus’s waist, both holding the boy upright and pulling him closer. He had never been kissed this way before; gentle and exploring, tongue searching and lips caressing – every movement filled with such affection and care that it made each brush of lips even more intimate and sent a wave of arousal coursing through Sirius’s body.

‘I can’t do this,’ Remus breathed, pulling away. His forehead was still resting against Sirius and despite his words, their bodies were so close that there was barely an inch of space between them. ‘I  _shouldn’t_ do this.’ His hands rubbed against Sirius’s sides as he warred with conflicting emotions that could be seen clearly on his face.

‘Why not?’ Sirius asked, his stomach sinking. ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’

Remus shook his head.

‘Are you worried that you might turn straight?’

Remus laughed weakly. ‘I haven’t worried about that since I was thirteen.’

‘Are you dying? You can’t get into a relationship because you’re dying and might hurt the other person.’ He speculated, only half joking. Remus had already mentioned that this sickness was chronic and given his state at the moment, the reality was that Sirius’s speculation was extremely possible.

‘I’m very much alive, I’m afraid.’

‘Are you worried about getting your heart broken?’ Sirius asked, looking deeply into amber eyes.

‘Sirius,’ Remus sighed exasperatedly, slowly turning so that they were now standing with their sides pressed together. It was a cue for Sirius to help move him out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. ‘It isn’t me, it’s you.’

Sirius raised an eyebrow. ‘You know that’s not how the saying goes, right?’

Remus rubbed his face tiredly and rested his head on Sirius’s shoulder. His breathing was unusually loud and laboured, his energy at its limit just from walking the few steps it took to the bedroom. Sirius wondered if he could somehow get a doctor into the house when Remus was asleep to check up on him; this sickness was definitely not an ordinary one.

‘Sirius, you don’t know who you are yet,’ Remus started softly. ‘You’re trying to move away from home, but at the same time you’re unable to let go. You’re trying to be different, but you’re trying to be like them as well. You are here in Louth today because you are trying to get away and find yourself and that’s brilliant. It really is, which is why I’m trying so hard to help you. But what happens when you realise you need to go back? What happens to me? What happens to  _you_? Who do you become then?’ He wrapped an arm around Sirius’s waist and squeezed in a side hug. ‘You are constantly at a juxtaposition with yourself, Sirius, and until you know which side you want to be on, you cannot be in a proper relationship with anyone, much less with someone like me.’

‘What do you mean someone like you?’ Sirius asked, pushing the bedroom door open with his foot.

‘I’m not who I seem, Sirius.’

Regulus’s words echoed in his head:  _not everything is as it seems_. ‘What does that even mean?’ Sirius asked shakily, not wanting to know and wanting to know at the same time. All those questions and doubts he had had about Remus these past few days came back to him, and he tried his hardest to quell his curiosity. He didn’t want to taint the image of Remus he had in his mind; he couldn’t live with a truth that was anything less than favourable.

‘You don’t want me,’ Remus whispered in a shaky voice, unable to look at Sirius anymore. ‘No one ever did.’ There seemed to be a deeper meaning behind his words but the sandy blonde never gave him a chance to demand an explanation. ‘Besides, I don’t know if I’m ready or if I can…’ he swallowed, looking up at Sirius nervously, almost as if afraid to speak anymore, as he was helped back into bed. His movements were slow and sluggish, as he struggled to lift his feet off the ground and under the sheets. ‘I don’t know if I have the emotional strength to be with anyone right now.’ He lifted his arms slightly, allowing Sirius to hook his hands under his armpits and then pull him upwards to align with his pillow. ‘I-‘ he suddenly howled in pain, curling up on his side and away from Sirius’s hands.

‘What’s wrong?’ Sirius cried, panicked, his feet shuffling as he debated whether to move closer or give Remus a wide berth. The boy was clutching the right side of his ribs, his face scrunched together in what looked like excruciating pain. His entire body was trembling and pools of sweat started to collect on his forehead and the hollows of his collarbone. ‘Let me have a look,’ he approached cautiously, brushing back Remus’s soaked hair behind his ears and feeling alarmed at how his fingers felt like they were being scorched against the boy’s skin. ‘It’s okay. Let me have a look.’ He waited for Remus to nod, the boy letting out short sharp bursts of breath as he tried to control the pain. ‘Shh,’ he lifted the sandy blonde’s shirt gently and gasped at the sight before him.

There was a large gash starting from just underneath Remus’s armpit across the expanse of his ribs. It had been hastily healed, puckered, and red and angry, but the movement had jolted the wound open enough to start the bleeding again. Even beyond the obvious, there were small bruises and cuts everywhere the eyes landed. Not a single patch of skin had been spared and Sirius had dismissed it earlier in the bathroom as old scars, but now, upon a closer look, they had clearly been recently healed.

‘What the fuck is this?’ Sirius asked, both angry and horrified. He pulled out his wand, quickly getting on to work on healing even as he demanded answers. ‘Tell me what happened! Are you working on something life threatening? Did something go wrong or has someone done this to you?’ He remembered the conversation he’s walked in on a couple of days ago and the way Remus was being pressured into hurrying up. ‘Remus, I am asking you to tell me how you got hurt so seriously!’

‘You know Sirius,’ Remus growled, his tone clipped from agitation and pain, ‘you are much more tolerable when you ask fewer questions.’

Sirius grit his teeth and moved back, Remus’s words quickly turned his anger and indignance to betrayal, hurting far more than they should. ‘My mother says the same thing,’ he informed him curtly, his grey eyes swirling. He would have stormed out if he hadn’t been hyper aware of Remus’s wounds and the fact that there was still more healing to be done. So he sat back down and focused what magic he could muster, despite his anger interrupting his concentration, on fixing what he could. He would have to ask Tiffy later to see if she knew any more first aid; something of this scale was definitely beyond him.

Remus sighed loudly, one shaky hand reaching to rest on Sirius’s knee. He was clearly still in pain and Sirius could not help but be in awe of how well he bore it. ‘I’m sorry. That was wrong of me to say. Questions are a good thing, Sirius. Questioning things will help you differentiate between right and wrong, and will also help you understand on which side of the line you stand on. You have a right to them.’

‘But I don’t have a right to answers?’ Sirius asked bitterly, pushing away Remus’s hands when he felt his feelings for the other boy softening his resolve.

Remus breathed deeply, pushing himself to lie straight on his back again. ‘I’m sorry.’

Sirius put his wand away as the last of his spells were complete and the gash, while far from gone, had faded into a red scar. ‘Why? Don’t you trust me?’

‘It isn’t that I don’t trust you, Sirius.’ He placed a hand upon Sirius’s, squeezing softly. ‘It’s just that I don’t trust everybody else.’

What did that mean, Sirius wanted to ask. ‘You told me that, earlier, you had Alphard to help you out. Did this happen because he wasn’t there?’

Remus looked up at the ceiling, almost as if he was contemplating how much he could say. ‘No. This would have happened regardless. The fault is entirely mine.’

If anything, Remus’s answer raised only more questions, and he wondered how far guilt could push Remus into answering more. ‘This thing you were working on – this potion, does it have anything to do with Alphard’s death?’ He waited with baited breath for Remus’s answer, following the way the amber eyes shifted and refused to meet grey. He felt his heart stop when Remus nodded again after a very long pause.  _One more,_ Sirius realised. He needed to ask one more question. ‘Did Alphard really die of heart problems like they told everyone?’

Remus turned away, pulling the covers over himself. ‘Please leave, Sirius. I’m tired.’

This alone was enough answer. A part of him had known from the very beginning that Alphard’s death was far from natural but he had told himself again and again that he was overthinking. Because with Remus’s denial came the proof that his Mother had been right from the very beginning. ‘Do you know how he really died?’

‘I just want to sleep, Sirius,  _please,’_ Remus pleaded but Sirius was not so easily satisfied, not when Pandora’s box of secrets had finally opened to him. He was so sick and tired of secrets. Everyone seemed to be keeping something from him – his mother, Regulus, Remus; he was through struggling to see through a blindfold. He needed to know. He needed to know the truth about Remus so that he could prove to everyone that the boy he cared for so much was innocent. So that Mother could be proven wrong.

‘Was it a wayward experiment or was it a person that killed him?’ Sirius pressed.

‘Please, Sirius, please, just stop,’ Remus sounded like he was going to cry now; his voice cracking and wobbling as he spoke.

‘Just like this time, was it your fault?’

Remus turned, his eyes ablaze as he growled through gritted teeth,  _‘Stop it.’_

Sirius breathed deeply, ignoring the discomfort in his chest as he asked his final question. ‘Are you responsible for the death of uncle Alphard?’ No sooner had the words escaped his mouth, Sirius felt a fist hit his jaw, too weak to do any damage.

‘I SAID, LEAVE!’

* * *

 

** Sirius is a twat. Please review. ^_^ **


	5. Are you a whore, Remus Lupin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.

‘Nothing,’ Sirius growled, slamming the book shut and sending it sliding across the massive oak table in the Lupin house library. Frustration clawed in his gut as he realised that he was now in his sixth hour of searching for clues about Wolfsbane with zero results. After he had left Remus’s room grudgingly, he had been unable to visit the sandy blonde again, albeit not from the lack of trying. The blasted house elf had barricaded the door with magic, insisting that ‘”Master Remus” needed to rest in order to recover from his injuries. Sirius had been appalled at first and even commanded it to let him through, but the creature had insisted that it served the master of the house first and thus put Remus’s priorities over Sirius’s. Sirius had never been spoken to this way by a mere house elf and it irritated him to no end, but his irritation resulted in nothing but isolation from Remus for the next forty eight hours. And this seclusion and silence gave the Black heir time for thought.

And the more he thought, the less he liked it. Because it meant that Remus Lupin was not who he seemed to be; he was not innocent and there was every possibility that Mother had been right about him from the very beginning. Everything he knew about Remus Lupin came back to him and created a picture that was so unfavourable that Sirius could no longer ignore it as he had done for the past month and a half.

  1.           Remus Lupin had inherited everything Alphard had ever owned, despite not having any relation to him or known him for that long.
  2.           Remus took no time at all to be comfortable with Alphard’s things: his room, his clothes, and his research.
  3.           Remus had lived and worked with Alphard, despite having no extraordinary talent in research or Potions, and was also the only person who could read and use all of Alphard’s intellectual material.
  4.           Remus was still continuing Alphard’s work, called Wolfsbane, but for a party that Alphard had firmly been against.
  5.           Sirius could not find anything on Wolfsbane in any material he had access to which arose the possibility that it was either new or forbidden.
  6.           Possibly the latter because Remus had admitted to it being life threatening and also indirectly admitted to it being a cause for Alphard’s death.
  7.           The people of this town, while not unfriendly, all approached Remus with caution. This included Remus’s parents. Because of this, Remus had no friends and no one in this town who was willing to speak of him when Sirius asked.



The only thing Sirius could find in defence of Remus was the gut feeling he had that despite all the evidence against him, he was a good person. He had, after all, offered Sirius a place to stay. He had also come across as kind and understanding, a man that could hurt no one and care for everyone. Remus _had_ to be proven innocent. It was the only way Sirius could protect him from the Black family. And he was definitely innocent, Sirius’s heart told him so. Yet, no one else’s behaviour validated this belief and Sirius himself knew that his credibility was tainted by his more than platonic feelings for the other boy. Some days, he would go as far as to say he was in love with Remus. Today, too, was such a day.

Perhaps that’s why Sirius found himself leaving the Lupin home and walking back to the church, behind which Alphard’s grave lay. He wasn’t sure why he was visiting Alphard; he certainly hadn’t attempted it in all his time here in Louth. Perhaps he was hoping that sitting there would take him away from everything and clear his mind enough for the answers to come on their own. Or maybe he was hoping that he would be able to talk to Alphard about his problems like he used to when he was younger, before Mother had blasted her own brother off the family tapestry. There was a time when Sirius had felt his uncle had had all the answers to the world’s problems, that no one could be wiser than his beloved Uncle Alphard. But Alphard had made mistakes in life , had been a flawed human being, and now, had died while leaving all this chaos for Sirius to manage in his lonesome. And while Sirius still loved him as an uncle and felt a slight pang of loss at the thought of him, the awe he had held for him had long ago diminished. It was near negligible now as he slowly admitted to himself that there was a possibility that Alphard’s faults had possibly gotten him killed.

So it came as a shock when Sirius realised that he was not the only one who had turned to Alphard for answers.

It was déjà vu all over again.

Just like the first time he’d laid eyes on Remus, Sirius found him crying silently on his own. He was kneeling in front of Alphard’s grave, his head resting on his clasped hands as if in prayer. Unwilling to interrupt in clearly a private moment, Sirius made sure to keep out of sight, concealed behind almost indiscernible rows of tombstones but still within earshot should Remus seem too distressed. Sirius needn’t have worried; the other boy was a lot calmer than he had been during Alphard’s funeral and was wiping his eyes dry once he’d finished his silent prayer.

‘It’s my birthday today,’ Remus spoke and for moments, Sirius thought he was speaking to him. But Remus’s eyes were still staring straight ahead and he made no sign to have noticed Sirius’s presence. ‘I’m eighteen now. I never thought I’d see the day.’ He laughed bitterly. ‘And I still love you.’

And then he burst out laughing as Sirius stood there in utter shock.

 _No,_ he told himself, horrified, _no, no, no, impossible!_

‘I kept my promises, but you, Alphard,’ Remus accused in a hard voice, ‘you left me with nothing! Fucking _nothing!_ ’

The first feeling Sirius had after he’d recovered from the shock was betrayal. He didn’t know why he felt betrayed or whom he felt more betrayed by: Alphard or Remus. But it was a cloying feeling that filled his lungs and made it difficult to even breathe. Sirius had loved Remus. _Loved_ him.

‘It didn’t have to end this way,’ Remus continued furiously. ‘You wouldn’t have died if you had just listened to what I said for once in your fucking life. If you would have just done what you were told then I wouldn’t have-‘ His lower lip trembled and he hit Alphard’s tombstone with his fist. ‘I was so drunk that night; so fucking drunk and I think I let something slip because it feels like the whole town _knows._ They don’t say anything but I can see that they’re disgusted by me, by what I’ve done to you.’

 _Fuck._ The betrayal was morphing and changing into something ugly within Sirius; something akin to revulsion. He had believed in Remus, loved him, and trusted him to a point where he was willing to risk everything, and it was all for nothing. Remus had turned out exactly how Mother had predicted. His fists clenched tightly on either side of him, as impulse took control and threatened to spill. He wanted to punch the other boy, beat him till his fists were bleeding; but that would achieve nothing. It would serve no justice, no purpose, and no revenge.

‘Because of you, Alphard,’ Remus hit the tombstone again, harder and angrier than last time. ‘I have become even more of a monster than I already am.’

Rage charred his insides and unwilling to listen any more, he apparated into the Black House and straight into Walburga Black’s chambers. ‘You were right,’ he said, watching as she turned in her seat calmly to face him. He looked straight into his mother’s cold grey eyes, as he condemned the person he’d considered a friend to a life in hell, ‘Remus Lupin was Alphard’s whore.’

* * *

 

Sirius punched the mirror, screaming in anger. The rage within him was undefeatable and no matter how many times he washed his face with cold water or hit the walls, the feeling remained, growing inside him like a cancerous hate. He _hated_ Remus Lupin; hated him for what he’d done to Sirius and the way he was making him feel. Hated that he could induce such strong emotion from him, when he himself had probably never cared for Sirius a single iota. He felt like an utter fool.

‘You know, there was a time when I used to admire you,’ Regulus accused the minute Sirius walked out of the bathroom, his hair soaking wet from sweat and his face from tears of frustration. ‘You were never afraid to be different or stand up for what is right. You never used to let Mother bully you into doing anything you didn’t want.’

‘I don’t have time for this, Regulus,’ Sirius muttered, wiping his face dry with the sleeves of his robes. The muggle clothes he had been wearing had been discarded on the bathroom floor and trampled on in his fit of fury. ‘Just leave me alone.’

Regulus was unrelenting and followed him to his bedroom so closely that the toes of his shoes brushed Sirius’s heels irritatingly. ‘What made you into Mother’s personal lapdog, Sirius? When did you change?’

Sirius growled, turning and grabbing his brother by the collar. ‘When _you_ fucking did!’ He pushed Regulus against the wall, his brother’s body so slight that his toes no longer touched the floor. ‘When I watched you that night in the dungeons, crying your eyes out, because Mother had left you in the dark with a boggart.’

‘That was two years ago!’ Regulus argued, struggling against Sirius’s hold in vain.

‘That was enough for me!’ Sirius roared, letting Regulus fall to the ground. ‘I have told you this before, Regulus, it will be over my dead body that any harm should come to you. I will do _anything_ to protect you.’ He grit his teeth, his fists clenching on either side of him. ‘ _Anything._ ’

‘Even leave an innocent man to die?’ Regulus challenged, picking himself up off the floor and dusting himself off.

 _Innocent_. Sirius laughed cruelly as he realised how little it applied to Remus. ‘Don’t be melodramatic. A life without an estate will not kill him, nor will a year in prison.’ His heart clenched tightly, reminding him of the hurt and betrayal within him that was still fresh. Yet, even thinking of Remus going through any hardship made Sirius’s throat close up and knees tremble. A voice inside him that still had lingering feelings for the other boy screamed _no, no, no, no,_ and he tried his best to block it out until he realised it was Regulus who was speaking.

‘Do you really believe he’s guilty?’ his brother asked, grey eyes that were similar to his own looking back at him pityingly. ‘Sirius, do you really believe that?’ When Sirius looked away, Regulus grabbed him by the wrist, forcing him to face him. ‘You saw him at the funeral! You saw how distraught he was!’

It was guilt, Sirius wanted to dispute but then he saw the look on his brother’s face and he _knew:_ he had made a big mistake‘You know something, don’t you?’ he asked, frowning. ‘What is it?’

Regulus bit his lip, looking cautiously to his left and right as if afraid someone might suddenly appear in Sirius’s bedroom. He pulled out his wand and cast a quick Impenetrable charm over them and a locking charm on the door, before turning back to his older brother. ‘I don’t know the details, but Mother is involved somehow.’

The furrows between Sirius’s brows deepened. ‘That’s ridiculous,’ he voiced, though not without doubt. ‘If Mother wanted to harm Alphard, she would have done so years ago. His inheritance is large but not enough to be murdered over. She had no reason to…’ he trailed off, his eyes widening with sudden realisation as his mind replayed all the conversations he had had with Mother these past couple of months. She had taken no action until today when Sirius had told her about a dispute over Wolsbane being a possible reason for Alphard’s death. ‘…his research.’ He whispered, horrified. ‘She wanted his research.’

Regulus nodded, looking back towards the door and lowering his voice. ‘It’s what I kept trying to tell you the day we spoke by Floo; to not listen to Mother at face value. I wanted to tell you more but Mother wouldn’t allow me any more contact. She even put a tail on me at school. I was hoping you would figure things out by yourself.’ He gripped Sirius’s shoulders tightly, shaking him out of his shocked stupor. ‘There’s this bloke, Riddle. Mother has been completely charmed by him; he speaks of pureblood supremacy and starting this new regimen to ensure that only the best and most ancient wizarding heritage survive. He’s planning to overthrow the government and start anew, and he’s bloody serious. You didn’t see his eyes, Sirius; they were slits of red, like a snake.’ Regulus’s grey eyes were wide and a sheen of sweat started to appear on his forehead, as if simply thinking of this man brought fear in him. ‘This man is not to be taken lightly, Sirius. He is frightful and his plans are more so.’

Amidst all this information, Sirius could only think of one thing: _Remus._

What had he done?

‘Do you know what he wants or what this research entails?’ Sirius asked urgently, his adrenaline picking up and his heart beating at a furious rate as thoughts of Remus crossed his head. She wouldn’t kill him, he knew; not unless the wizard gave up his research which wasn’t easily likely. But that did not mean that Sirius could bear the thought of him hurt, nor that he had wronged the boy terribly. This was his fault; his stupidity.

‘No,’ Regulus admitted, contritely, ‘but I promise you this, he will get it at any cost.’  

* * *

 


	6. What is your past, Remus Lupin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.

'Sirius,' Regulus's face appeared in the mirror. His eyes kept shifting, as if frightened that he might be overheard, but he took the moment to hold Sirius's gaze as he said, 'they've brought him here.'

Sirius sucked in a deep breath. 'Alive?' The minute Regulus nodded, he felt his knees collapse. 'Thank Merlin. Fuck, thank Merlin.' He felt tears of relief pool in his eyes, the fear that had been gripping him ever since he'd walked in to the Lupin home and found it empty was finally subsiding. 'I could never forgive myself if she'd-'

'Sirius,' Regulus interrupted, 'you shouldn't thank Merlin yet.' He looked behind him again before continuing, 'I heard Mother speaking. They've managed to figure out a way to transfer his inheritance through Legal loopholes. The court doesn't acknowledge same sex relationships; plus, Lupin was a minor when he started living with Alphard. It doesn't help that he's a werewolf.' Regulus didn't register Sirius's shock in his haste to relay as much information as quickly as possible. 'Mother is going to try and convince them that he used his  _dirty half breed powers_ to trick Alphard into writing the will. Knowing the Ministry, it's not going to take very much convincing. Nothing's final yet, but it doesn't look good for him.'

Remus Lupin was a  _werewolf_. It explained so much, yet so little: the aconite allergy, his insistence that Sirius leave the house for a couple of days, his sickness and his silence afterwards, and his referral to himself as a monster when Sirius had walked in on him in the graveyard. It all made sense now and while Sirius certainly felt guilt for having misjudged Remus so horribly, he did not know what else he felt. Somehow, he felt number than ever. 'There's a but,' Sirius deduced, trying to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. 'If she'd settled everything so easily legally, then she wouldn't have brought him to the house. What is it?'

Regulus lowered his voice. 'The court still can't grant her any of Alphard's research. Lupin worked on them with Alphard together, as a co-researcher and author. Werewolf or not, he has rights to his own intellectual property. I don't know why she's brought him here instead of just forcibly taking whatever she wants. Surely, all his research is in his lab or in Gringotts, both of which she now has access to.'

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, wondering how he was going to fix any of this mess, this mess that he had created. 'It's protected. No one but Remus can access any of it without it self destructing. I'm supposing Mother has already tried and failed at the Imperius curse. Veritaserum doesn't work on werewolves; the ingredients don't bond with the components in the creature's blood.' It felt wrong to refer to Remus as a creature. So, so wrong when Remus had been nothing but human with him. 'She's going to torture him into submission or revealing whatever unlocks those scrolls. I don't know.'

Regulus looked pained. 'Sirius, we  _have_ to help him.'

Sirius shook his head to clear his thoughts, straightening his shoulders with new found determination. 'No, this is my fault entirely.  _I_ owe this to him.  _I_  have to help him. You will not do anything.'

'Sirius, she's going to-'

'Regulus,' Sirius interrupted harshly, 'do  _not_  get involved in this. I am your elder brother and you will listen to me.' He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head as much as possible. He could see in his brother's eyes that the boy was very unwilling to back down. 'Please,' he requested much more kindly, 'have faith that I will do the right thing.'

* * *

'WHERE IS HE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?'

Sirius apparated straight into the entrance of the dungeons, running half the way and only slowing down when he realised that Mother was there. The torches had been lit with flames and it cast an eerie glow through the hallway that led to where Remus was being kept, judging by the screaming. He could barely hear Walburga Black's voice over Remus's, but was amazed at how fearless he sounded. Perhaps it was his ignorance about the horrors that happened in the dungeons, but his voice was strong and unwavering, and his stance was so as well – something Sirius noticed when he walked in, still concealed amongst the shadows. He could not deny that Remus looked worse for wear – Mother had clearly not been merciful with him. His clothes were ripped, his hair and face covered with mud, and there was blood on his knees and hands. Yet, despite it all, there was something very beautiful and regal about the way he stood with his back straight behind the bars, facing Walburga Black and looking at her with such disdain and disgust as if she were a lesser being.

'TELL ME WHERE SIRIUS IS!'

Sirius felt his heart stop.

'I will ask the questions here, werewolf!' Walburga Black's voice echoed thunderously. 'Where my son is, is none of your concern. You will tell me about the Wolfsbane and you will tell it to me willingly, if you value your life and sanity.'

Remus didn't know, Sirius realised, blood thundering in his ears. He flattened himself in the shadows, willing himself into invisibility as immense shame and guilt caught up with him.

'IF YOU HURT A SINGLE HAIR ON HIS HEAD, I WILL-'

'You will what?' Walburga laughed cruelly. 'What will you do, werewolf? No, no, I have a better idea. Why don't you tell him yourself?' Her pupils shifted to the corner of her eyes where Sirius was doing his best to remain concealed. 'Sirius, won't you come out.' When Sirius pinched his mouth shut, trying his best to remain invisible, she laughed even more loudly. 'I know you're there, son, don't be shy now.' She turned to look right at him, her long, thin fingers beckoning, 'Come say hello to your little friend.'

Sirius swallowed and moved forward into the light.

Remus, who was obviously misreading Sirius's reasons for being nervous, rushed to the bars, his hands reaching to touch Sirius's face with concern. 'Sirius? Are you all right?' he asked, worriedly, his fingers smoothing back black hair gently. 'She didn't hurt you, did she?'

'Hurt him?' Walburga chuckled in an odd high pitch way that was jarring to the ears. 'My first born and heir?' A bony hand reached and stroked Sirius's head, her sharp nails scraping his scalp painfully. 'Not at all; I cannot be more proud of my son than I am today. After all, he led me  _right to you_ ,' she enunciated the end of her sentence challengingly, coaxing him into a violent reaction.

Remus looked from her and then back to Sirius, his amber eyes still gentle. 'Is that true?'

Sirius felt like he was going to vomit. He nodded. 'I'm sorry.'

He couldn't even look Remus in the eyes and had to be forced by gentle, calloused hands until his grey met amber. 'Hey, it's all right. It's okay,' the werewolf assured and Sirius could not help but wonder how Remus could be so kind to him after what he'd done. 'Sirius, look at me, it is okay. I understand.' His voice was so soft and his assurances so sincere, that Sirius had to close his eyes and place his shaking hands upon the ones cupping his face just to be sure this was real. 'As long as Regulus is safe, it doesn't matter. Your brother comes first.'

Sirius's eyes shot open in surprise. 'Remus,' he started slowly, his hands falling away. He didn't have to tell Remus the truth; he could lie and pretend that his assumption had been right; that Regulus's wellbeing was the cause for Sirius's betrayal. Even if his mother refuted, Remus would definitely believe him over her. But Sirius didn't want to lie to Remus anymore, he had already done enough of it. 'She didn't blackmail me,' he admitted, moving away from Remus's grasp, 'I told her on my own accord.'

'Is that what she told you to say?' the werewolf asked, looking unconvinced. He shot a glare towards Walburga Black, who was watching the exchange with a smug sense of satisfaction. 'Sirius, you can tell me the truth.'

'I am telling you the truth.' Sirius ran a hand through his hair. 'Remus, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. This was never what I wanted.' He chanced a glance towards the other boy and felt his whole world shatter when amber eyes hardened and closed off to him. Remus's lightly stubbled jaw was trembling and Sirius could see that he was clenching his teeth hard in supressed anger. His fingers were curled tightly as he shifted his gaze from Walburga to Sirius, the betrayal in his face thick and unforgiving. 'I never, ever wanted to hurt you, Remus,' Sirius pleaded, wishing Remus would not look at him like that; as if he had committed an unforgiveable crime. And he had, he knew he had. 'Remus, please…'

Remus turned his face away, his profile exposing fresh bruises.

'You told me you would settle this legally!' Sirius screamed as he turned towards Walburga, his grey eyes blazing with accusation and a need to project the blame to someone,  _anyone_ but himself. 'You said everything would be taken care of by our lawyers!'

'I really wanted to, Sirius, I really,  _truly_  did,' Walburga Black mock assured, her eyes glittering almost maniacally. 'You know how I  _hate_  violence, but my choices are  _so_ …' She waved her hand, searching for the right word, 'limited. I might be willing to reconsider of course, if you could convince your little friend to spill all regarding the Wolfsbane he and Alphard have created. It would really lessen the pain,' she turned towards Remus, a slow smile spreading across her face, 'for  _all_  of us.'

'Fuck you, you, bitch!' Remus growled, his face moving so close to hers that their noses were touching. 'I would rather die.'

Walburga pointed the tip of her wand right between his eyes. 'That can definitely be arranged.'

'Mother, no!'

Amber eyes blazed like fire, unafraid, as he spat right into her face. ' _Do your worst_.'

_'Crucio!'_

* * *

_Remus is startled by the kindness behind those grey eyes and his own amber ones blind with hope, as he looks at the man he is going to work for, for the next few years. No one has ever looked at him this way after knowing the truth, not even his parents. It is always disdain and disgust and indifference. Remus feels his heart swell with an affection for the man, even though they have only just met. 'It's nice to meet you, sir,' he whispers with a soft smile._

_'Please call me Alphard and it's wonderful to meet you, too, Remus.' His words are gentle and sincere, as if he truly feels that it is wonderful to meet Remus. 'I don't want you to be afraid of me. I promise that I will try my best to make each trial as safe as possible for you.'_

_He rests his hand on Remus's shoulder, a gesture the thirteen year old boy can barely savour before another rough hand brushes it away._

_It is his father's hand and he looks embarrassed, as he always does, when he is forced to take Remus anywhere. 'Remus knows his place here, Dr. Black,' Lyall Lupin murmurs, pulling Remus back and away from the other man so that there is an "acceptable" distance between the monster and the human. 'Please do not feel obliged to speak to him or acknowledge any of his childish whims. Remus understands that he is here to be experimented on for a cure for Wolfsbane, that may or may not work, and that there may be consequences that come with it.'_

_Remus knows his father doesn't mean him any harm; that he is embarrassed and a bit tired of trying to find a cure. He knows that his family is possibly pinning all their hopes of this possible cure that Dr. Black is experimenting with, and has only volunteered Remus because they no longer have the finances to fund his illness. Despite knowing, he cannot feel more of an animal than he already is, a deep hatred for himself swirling deep in his stomach._

_And then the gentle hand returns on his shoulder._

* * *

Remus opened his eyes blearily, his pupils dilating as they tried to gather light. His body ached far too much to move – a remnant of the pain that had been inflicted on him by Walburga Black for what had felt like hours upon hours. She was battling a lost cause because Remus was no stranger to neither pain nor hatred, and it would take nothing short of killing him to get any information out of him. His strained vision followed a shadow in the darkness, floating silently, its feet hovering above the ground. It looked like a darkness within a shroud of more darkness, the air around it hollowed as if it was sucking the life out of everything it touched.

Fear gripped him as he finally processed what it was.

* * *

_'Two years, Lyall!' His mother screams, banging the kitchen table with her palm to express her frustration. 'Two years this Dr. Black has worked on our son and he has given us nothing! Is he even working on anything?' Her voice rises in pitch and she starts pacing, making Remus back away further behind the door so he can stay unseen. 'When we first signed the contract, Black warned us that there might be side effects, but I am yet to see Remus show any signs of injury or illness!'_

_'That's a good sign, isn't it?' His father suggests hesitantly, his demeanour much more calm and collected. 'Maybe he's making progress with Remus; maybe it's working, however slightly…'_

_There is a silence and Remus thinks the conversation is over, and he can finally make his presence known and feed his hungry stomach. He is ravenous, as he always is in the week of the full moon and his mouth constantly waters for meat, rare and sometimes uncooked. And just as he is about to push the kitchen door open, he hears his mother say, barely above a whisper:_

_'Do you ever wish...' She leaves the sentence hanging, until Lyall throws her a questioning glance. 'That there would be some irreversible consequence or side effect, and this,' she throws her arms up, 'this whole thing would just **end**.'_

_Remus swallows, suddenly feeling his throat tighten._

_'Don't say that,' Lyall whispers, though his voice sounds neither shocked nor horrified at her admission. Only resigned and perhaps a little wistful._

_'I don't-' Hope bites her lip. 'I don't want him to die, Lyall. Of course not; he's my son.' She sits down on the chair, burying her face into her hands so that her voice comes out muffled, 'But sometimes I think that it would be easier for him…for **us**. We could go back to how we were; live in a good house in the city, have a proper family.'_

_'We have a family. We have a son,' Lyall argues weakly, sitting down beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulders._

_She looks up at him. 'We could have another. Or a daughter; you always wanted a daughter…'_

_There is a silent ringing in Remus's ears. It is the first time in his life that he truly contemplates suicide._

* * *

Remus knew it didn't end there. That his life that day had not been so miserable, but all he could think about was his parent's admission to how much of a burden to their lives he really was. The dark floating figure hovered outside his cell, so close that he could feel its frosty breath chilling his skin. He squeezed his eyes tightly shut, willing it away by pure force as he tried to remember the way Alphard had held his fifteen year old self through the misery of that day, close against his chest as he cried and cried and cried. He couldn't bring forth the memory itself in his mind, so instead he repeated Alphard's words to him again and again, ' _You're important to me, Remus. If nobody else, your life will always be special to me.'_

'Are you ready to talk, Werewolf?'

Remus did not bother acknowledging her presence, his body facing the wall and his eyes closed as wash after wash of misery flooded him.

'It's quite genius, don't you think?' Walburga continued talking, her shoes clacking on the stone floor as she moved closer. 'I wish I had thought of it. Who else would know better than me how misery only intensifies physical pain?' Her laugh was so bitter that Remus almost felt sorry for her.

Almost.

* * *

_Remus does not expect to be hit, so when he is, he falls back so hard that it actually hurts. His cheek is smarting and he touches it, shocked when his fingers come away bloody. His father's wedding band glimmers red._

_'How much more of you must we tolerate, Remus, before we are driven to our own graves?' Lyall screams and both Remus and his mother are taken aback by this sudden rise in temperament. His father is never one to get angry or raise his voice, but Remus has finally broken the last straw on the camel's back and driven his father to violence. This is his fault. 'I have overlooked everything about you; every, single fucking thing, because I keep telling myself that you are my son. You **must** be my son because you look and sound just like him.' He advances on Remus again, ignoring Hope's quiet pleas. 'But you are nothing but that monster inside of you, eating away at our lives piece by piece.'_

_'I'm not-' Remus does not get a word edgewise before he is hit again, this time harder. He tastes blood in his mouth._

_'Going to those seedy clubs, using your influence to seduce other men – we had ignored all of that because at least you had the sense to make your sodomy discrete.' He towers over Remus, looking down at him with so much hatred and derision that he cannot even recognise his father anymore. 'But Alphard Black? Do you know who he is, Remus? Do you know the family and the background he comes from? One word to the Ministry or a member of his family; or even if the people of this town were to find out! Our lives are miserable enough with you without someone trying to torch our house down! Do you understand that you have put mine and your mother's lives in danger because you fancied a casual **fuck**  with a man twenty years older than you?'_

_'Alphard wouldn't tell-' This time a foot descends on his stomach and he dry heaves, struggling for breath through the pain. His body wants to instinctively turn and curl in on itself, but the heel digs farther in and keeps him in place. Dimly, he hears his mother crying. He wonders if she is really crying for him or in relief of finally having the chance to be rid of him._

_'One last chance, werewolf.' Lyall growls, bending down until their noses are touching. It is ironic how he looks more like the wolf now than Remus. 'You have a choice to make amends and do as you are told. You will stop this disgusting behaviour and you will not go back to the Black house for the rest of your life. You will keep to your room and will not take a single step out of this house, unless I permit it. Am I clear?'_

_Remus looks back into amber eyes so like his own and where he should feel ashamed of himself, he feels anger. 'I choose the other,' he spits back defiantly, his hands circling around his father's foot painfully tight and twisting it until he has managed to make his father fall with a surprised grunt. 'I choose to leave.'_

* * *

Remus panted as he was brought back to reality, the aftereffects of Crucio making his muscles spasm and jolt involuntarily. His eyes watered in pain and no matter how much he tried, he could not focus his mind to think beyond wretchedness behind each memory that the Dementor's presence brought on. There was happiness, he knew, somewhere deep within him, there was so much happiness that it had been like a fuel to him. There had been Alphard, with his kind, kind eyes and his deep affectionate voice. And for a short moment, there had been Sirius, with his bark like laughter and his sparkling grey eyes that had looked at Remus like he had been the only person in Sirius's world. No one had ever looked at him like that before Sirius; not even Alphard.

Except once…

* * *

_'What were you thinking?' Alphard scolds, holding Remus's hair back as the boy retches into the toilet. 'Firstly, you are underage and I don't know how you managed it, but you should not be drinking at all! More importantly, you know very well that alcohol doesn't bode well with these potions!' He winces as Remus dry heaves again, spilling nothing but bile from an empty stomach. 'You're lucky you've gotten away with so little. These potions are still in their experimental phase; there was no telling what could have happened! You could have been seriously hurt or worse, died!'_

_'Well, what a pity that would have been!' Remus spits, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and grimacing when the still fresh wound on his cheek pulls. 'You would have lost your precious test subject and all that work you've done on a miracle cure for lycanthropy would have been lost.'_

_Alphard's hands slip away from Remus's hair, but return to hold him still as a wand presses to the cut across his face. His wand drops in surprise when Remus pushes him away roughly and gets up. 'Remus, you are hurt. Let me help you.'_

_The young werewolf ignores him, twisting the taps on top of the sink with much more force than necessary before dunking his head under them. The cold water pinches and pricks his skin, but it feels much better than the numb sensation that is slowly paralysing every nerve in his body._

_'Remus!' The older man growls, his voice raising an octave._

_Remus cannot help but chuckle as he realises that this is the second time today that he has driven someone to anger and frustration. He wonders if Alphard will hit him too. And then a hand rests on his side, large but instinctively knowing to be gentle around the bruise that coloured his skin under his shirt._

_Their eyes meet in the mirror. 'Do you really think that I wouldn't care if you were hurt?'_

_'Would you?' Remus challenges, his gaze hard._

_Alphard looks pained. 'Please don't say things like that.'_

_Remus feels his eyes well up in an anger and desperation that seemed to have no way of expressing itself other than through the weakness of tears. 'I've given up everything, Alphard. **Everything,** justto be with you today; I've chosen you above anyone else, including myself. I no longer have a family, or a home, or even the will to live.' He wipes his eyes roughly and pushes his damp hair back with his hand. 'So tell me it wasn't for nothing; that I haven't just made the biggest mistake of my life and that even if it's a little bit,' he bites his lip hesitantly, unable to look at the older man in the eyes anymore. Already, his body is deflating from hopelessness and the hardness in his voice melts to nothing but a whisper, 'even if it's a little, you really do care about me.'_

_The hand on Remus's side wraps around his waist, gently turning him around. The intimacy of the movement takes him by surprise and Remus only has time to register the gentle grey hue of Alphard's eyes before they close and their lips meet._

* * *

'NO!' Remus screamed, as the memory slipped away between the slim grasps on his mind. 'NO!' He crawled on his stomach, eyes shut tight as he tried with all his might to keep the memory alive. His fingers scraped against the ground, fingernails breaking and bleeding, but he ignored it. Just as he ignored Walburga Black's voice and the millions of other thoughts and voices that bombarded him, reminding him of how worthless he was. He would not let them take Alphard's memory from him.

His fingers closed around the bars, grasping the pure silver tightly so that it burned almost instantly upon contact. He did not let go even when he started to smell the pungent aroma of his own putrid flesh, determined on his task. He was grinning when the edges of his vision started to turn black and his mind, unable to take the intensity of pain being inflicted upon it, started to shut down. It was good; it was very, very good. Because once it had taken Alphard away from him, it would prey on his memories of Sirius. Because he had laughed a lot when Sirius had been there, hadn't he? They had both laughed so, so much, and somehow, even Sirius's betrayal could not dim the happiness he had felt then. So he gave in to the darkness, laughing at Walburga's pitiful attempts to stop him.

After all, a Dementor could not steal from his conscious if he had none.


	7. Do I Know You, Remus Lupin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.

Sirius's hands trembled as he sifted through the heavy tome of wards and locking spells, Remus's screams of agony echoing in his head. He could not forget the werewolf's cries no matter how he tried, and it was the nightmare that had kept him awake for the past week and also the fuel that had kept him searching for ways to help his friend. After the first day, Sirius had lost his temper and without thinking, tried to attack Mother – something for which he had been punished for by being forcefully knocked out and then locked out. It was a tame punishment compared to what he had attempted, probably because Walburga Black currently had a new toy to play with and very little space in the dungeons to accommodate him.

'Any progress?' A hand rested on his shoulder and squeezed tightly when Sirius shook his head. 'I've asked the kitchens to send up some tea; it will calm your nerves and clear your head.' Nothing could clear Sirius's head, not when he could hear every ounce of Remus's suffering still ringing in his ears. 'There must be some way to break in. The dungeons are a part of Grimmauld, after all, and after Father's death, you are the sole owner of the house.'

Sirius rubbed his face tiredly, grateful for Regulus's kindness. He wondered when their roles had reversed and instead of him looking out for his little brother, it was Regulus taking care of him and keeping him grounded. 'The dungeons were an addition in the late 18th century; they are an extension but not directly connected to the primary infrastructure. Also, just because I own the estate doesn't mean it cannot be kept from me. It's the same way members of the Black family that Mother deems unfit cannot see Grimmauld Place even if they are standing right in front of it. They know it's there, but until access is given, it's a hopeless cause.'

'Yet, you don't seem to have given up hope,' Regulus encouraged with a smile as he sat down in the chair next to Sirius's.

Sirius sighed. 'I  _can't_. Not while Remus is still in there.'

'Listen, I've been speaking to Bella to get some information out of her. She's all praise about Riddle to the point that she's practically in love with him.' Sirius was unsurprised at Regulus's finding; Bellatrix Black upheld the family values better than any son Walburga had ever had. She was the pride and joy of the Black heritage, a true Black down to the very blood that flowed in her veins. 'She says his following is growing and will continue to do so as more people realise the superiority of the ancient houses. She was trying to coax me into joining as well, throwing around big names like the Lestranges and the Malfoys, but there was one that caught my attention in particular.' Regulus leaned closer as he whispered, 'Fenrir Greyback.'

Sirius felt his lip curl. 'The werewolf?' When his brother nodded, he cursed. It was certainly not a coincidence that Remus and Fenrir, both werewolves, were involved in this somehow. 'Did she mention anything about the Wolfsbane?' When the young Black shook his head, he cursed again, louder this time. Finding out exactly what the Wolfsbane did was key to this whole situation, but Sirius was running out of places to look and people to ask. 'This is just getting more and more complicated; I don't even know where this mess starts and where it ends.'

'I could-'

'No,' Sirius said firmly, already knowing what Regulus was going to say.

'If I was on the inside, then-'

'I said  _no,_ Regulus,' Sirius barked, one hand slamming the table as his grey eyes darkened with anger. 'You will not join this ridiculous cult, no matter what your intentions. I have told you again and again, not to get involved in things that make you a direct target for harm!' He ran both hands through his hair, his mind reeling with questions and ideas, but none of them shedding any light to what was going on. 'It doesn't matter, anyway,' he shook his head. 'It doesn't matter what they want and what they're planning – werewolves and Purebloods - fuck it all. My only priority right now is Remus. I need to get him out Regulus. It's been a week; I can't take it anymore. I-' Sirius's mouth snapped shut when he noticed one of their house elves standing at the door with a tray full of tea and biscuits, staring at them with wide green eyes.

'Tiffy can help, Master Sirius,' she squeaked, her heavily bandaged fingers tightening. She was wearing old rags again; nothing like the sort of clothes Remus had insisted she wear during her brief service at the Lupin home. Sirius had entirely forgotten about her, but she would have probably been caught in the crossfire when Remus was captured. He now felt sorry for her; given the elf's state, she had probably been punished for her allegiance through no fault of her own.

'Regulus, I thought I told you to make sure this room was secure!' Sirius growled, rushing to the door and checking the impenetrable and locking charms.

'Tiffy wants to help Master Remus!' The elf insisted and Sirius, for the second time, was astounded by her forwardness and the manner in which she spoke to them in a raised voice – a sure product of Remus's indulgence.

'Tiffy, you realise you can get into a lot of trouble for speaking to me like this,' Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. 'Impertinence is not easily tolerated in this house, much less treason.'

'Sirius!' Regulus chastised, but did not protest any further when Sirius held his hand up.

The elf wavered only slightly, but held her ground. 'Please, my Master Remus is weak. He is not eating any food Tiffy is bringing him.' She scurried up to Sirius, her large eyes too big for her face as they gazed at him imploringly.

Sirius's eyes widened. 'You have access to the dungeons?' Taking the elf much more seriously now, he kneeled so that they were at eye level and held Tiffy by the shoulders. 'You've seen Remus? You can get to him?'

The elf nodded vigorously. 'Tiffy is begging for permission from Kreacher to bring Master Remus food. Mistress is commanding that Master Remus cannot be dying.'

Sirius exchanged a frantic look with Regulus before looking back at her. 'Tiffy, can you take me inside?'

Tifft shook her head, making the bubble of hope that had chanced upon Sirius's lungs deflate quickly. 'Tiffy can be bringing Master Remus  _out_ , but only being as far as Grimmauld Place. No house elf can be leaving the premises without Mistress's permission.'

'Sirius,' Regulus's voice held excitement as he gripped his older brother's shoulder, the gravity of Tiffy's proposal sinking in. 'Do you understand what this means? If Tiffy can get him out of the dungeons, you can get him out of here by tonight! It's just a matter of waiting for Mother to fall asleep and then leaving.'

Sirius doubted it was as uncomplicated as that, but just the prospect of hope made his skin thrum with urgency. 'If we want to leave unseen, we need to be invisible…'

* * *

 

'That Dementor is going to start wailing the minute Remus disapparates with Tiffy. I'm not sure if there will be any other alarms, but I wouldn't put it past Mother.' Sirius held his younger brother's shoulders tightly, his fingers clenching with anxiety. 'Tiffy and I are going to give you a head start of fifteen minutes. Once you're done with all the silencing spells, I want you to take that Sleeping Draught and pretend you weren't involved in any of this in the morning. Am I clear?' He waited for Regulus to nod before shooting him a nervous smile. 'Don't worry. I've arranged everything in such a way that she can't trace anything back to you. Whatever the consequences, it will be on my head, I promise.'

'That isn't very reassuring,' Regulus replied frowning.

Sirius grinned widely for his brother, appearing more confident than he felt. 'What's the worst she can do?'

He was about to let go, when Regulus grabbed both his hands tightly. 'It hasn't changed, you know.' Sirius looked at him quizzically. 'My worst fear – my boggart – it hasn't changed. I'm still afraid I'm going to lose you.'

Sirius laughed and ruffled the boy's hair, trying to mask the fact that he was both embarrassed and secretly pleased. 'Come now, don't get all sentimental on me. We need to get to work.'

'Sirius,' Regulus's tone was hard and his hands refused to let go. 'I've wanted to tell you this for a long time:  _thank you._ Thank you for staying that night.' By the look in his eyes, Sirius knew his brother was speaking of the night he had found him in the dungeons with the boggart. 'I know you had plans to leave Grimmauld, but you sacrificed your own happiness for me and I've been so selfish about it. I never felt guilty about making you stay and I never considered how you felt.' He took a deep breath, steeling himself before speaking. 'But I'm not that little boy trapped in the dungeons anymore and I don't need you to take care of me.' His fingers tightened and his eyes took on a deeper shade of grey. 'Leave. And don't come back.  _Ever.'_

Sirius's eyes widened. 'Reggie, you- _.'_

'Please,' Regulus cut off his protest. 'Leave and I will join you one day, I promise,' he assured, 'but not now. I still need to finish school and someone needs to hold the fort when things come crashing down.' He pulled Sirius into a firm hug and Sirius was hit with the realisation of how tall his brother had gotten – they were nearly the same height now. 'Good luck,' Regulus wished softly before pushing Sirius away with a brotherly shove, 'and I hope that you can finally be happy.'

'Thank you,' Sirius kissed his brother on his forehead, before nodding to the house elf, who was patiently standing at the door for directions.

On Sirius's go ahead, Tiffy disapparated and Regulus left with a final nod. Sirius himself took his position near the front door of Grimmauld Place, praying that no one would wake up in the middle of the night for any ungodly reason. What was only a fifteen minute wait, felt like hours, the whole house slowly becoming encompassed in eerie silence as all of Regulus's silencing charms set into place one by one. The quiet was unsettling and it made the hairs on the back of Sirius's neck stand up and his senses heighten as he waited for Tiffy to arrive. His palms were sweating and he kept his hand occupied with the shrunken trunk that he had packed for the both of them in pocket. When twenty minutes had passed, Sirius started to worry that Tiffy had been hit by a ward or charm that they hadn't anticipated – something her magic could not fight off and something he could not detect because of the silencing spells placed everywhere. He twisted his black hair between his fingers and paced, wondering if he should somehow try to get into the dungeons after all. A part of him also wanted to check on his brother to make sure he was asleep and out of harm's way. Just when Sirius was about to give up hope, the silence around him was interrupted by a loud crack that had him jumping out of his skin.

Tiffy had apparated right in front of him, both her bony hands holding on to an unconscious Remus's arm. He looked peaceful this way; almost as if he were sleeping and for a moment, Sirius could do nothing but stare at him, completely immobile. Shakily, he knelt down beside the werewolf and touched his cheek softly with the back of his hand, goose bumps rising to his skin from the cold. He was truly beautiful in every way, even like this, with his grime covered sandy hair spilling over his face and the floor, his lips cracked and bleeding, and his skin pale as snow.

'Master Sirius, we must hurry.'

Sirius snapped out of his daze. 'Yes, of course. I'm sorry.' He turned Remus on his back fully, tucking one hand under the werewolf's knees and the other under his shoulders before lifting him into his arms. He tucked Remus's body to his chest, extra careful of the boy's hands which had been burned black and were peeling. 'Tiffy, the invisibility cloak is in my pocket.' He waited for the elf to unfold the silvery cloak and spread it over them before standing up to full height. Remus felt like dead weight in his arms, but he bore it with all the strength he had, keeping the boy so close to his chest that he could feel his breath against his neck. It was comfortingly steady and giving in to the relief he felt, Sirius pressed a kiss to the werewolf's forehead, before leaving Grimmauld Place forever. 'Thank you, Tiffy.'

After that, everything was a blur where Sirius moved solely on adrenaline. Their exit from the house was almost anticlimactic, with Sirius simply walking out of the house with Remus in his arms while the house elf stood guard. It was too late at night for anyone to suspect foul play, but Sirius had no doubt that Regulus's silencing spells would weaken eventually and the Dementor's haunting wail would sound through the house. Mother would follow soon after. He walked as far as possible from the house, well beyond their wards and to a distance Sirius felt comfortable with, before apparating into Godric's Hollow. By then, his arms were nearly numb from carrying Remus and the strength he had gained from his adrenaline rush dissipated upon looking at his old friend's face after two years.

'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good,' James greeted him, standing at the door, his hazel eyes guarded and older than Sirius ever remembered seeing.

'Mischief managed,' Sirius panted, relived when James's face broke into a smile and he moved aside to let Sirius pass. 'Thank you for this, James,' he breathed, walking in, every step laboured. 'I know we haven't spoken in a while…well, I cut myself off, but I didn't know who else to ask. Guess, you're still my only friend.'

James laughed, locking the front door and resetting the wards. 'I meant what I said on our graduation day, Sirius. If you ever decided that you had had enough and you wanted a different home, mine is always open to you.' He clapped Sirius on the back. 'You know well that I will always help, no questions asked. I'm just glad you've finally decided to leave.'

Sirius nodded, navigating himself through the dimly lit living room and putting Remus down gently on the sofa. 'I finally found my reason to.' He brushed back sandy blonde hair lovingly.

James, who had been turning on a few more lamps, froze. 'Is this-' he looked down at Remus, his hazel eyes wide. He kneeled down to get a closer look at the werewolf, his hands hovering just above as if unsure about touching. 'Sirius, you told me you were helping a friend who was in trouble with your family. Is this him?' Sirius hadn't told James any of the details, unsure of how much he could reveal. 'Is this him, Sirius?' James asked again, swallowing thickly when Sirius nodded. 'Blimey!' he exclaimed, running his hand through the back of his hair just as he did in their school days when he was agitated. 'Lily!' he screamed in a shaky voice, his head turning towards the stairs. 'Lily, Floo Dumbledore  _now!_  Tell him we've found Remus Lupin!'

* * *

 


	8. Who loved you, Remus Lupin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.

* * *

'I don't know how much I can tell you.'

Sirius breathed deeply and switched chairs so that he was sitting beside his best friend and facing him more fully. 'James, over the past few months, I've been lied to, deceived, and manipulated into hurting the people I care for. I am sick and tired of all these secrets and of these disjointed facts not making any sense.' He clasped both of James's hands in his, his grey eyes almost begging to be trusted even though he knew he didn't deserve it. 'My only priority right now is keeping Remus safe, but I can't do that properly until I know what is going on. I  _need_  to know the truth.'

James looked at him for a while, hazel eyes slowly softening at Sirius's determination. He nodded, giving in, 'How much do you know?'

Sirius's brows furrowed as he tried to piece together everything he had gathered from staying at the Lupin home and Regulus's Intel. 'Remus and Alphard were involved in some kind of research; something called Wolfsbane.' He knew he had hit a critical mark by the way James's posture suddenly tightened. 'I don't know what it does, but a bloke named Riddle wants it badly enough to murder my uncle and torture my…' he hesitated, wondering if there was any word in the English dictionary that could describe his and Remus's relationship at that very moment, 'friend,' he concluded, though he knew it was much more complicated. James frowned, but did not pry any further. 'I know Greyback is involved somehow and now I guess, the pair of you and Dumbledore are too.'

James nodded, letting everything Sirius said sink in. 'There's more than just the three of us.'

'I don't understand.'

James got up, walking to the fridge (Lily's muggle influence, no doubt) and pulling out two bottles of Butterbeer. 'Dumbledore is gathering people, for an Order,' he started slowly, using his wand to pop open both bottles. 'Lily and I are only two of seventeen so far. He believes Riddle is going to be a rising threat in the future,' he placed the Butterbeer in front of Sirius, taking a sip from his own as he sat back down, 'the Ministry isn't taking him seriously enough but we've seen what him and his merry band of followers are getting up to: Muggle killing.' His face twisted with disgust. 'And soon it will be muggle borns, and half-bloods, and half breeds,' he looked at Sirius meaningfully, clearly indicating Remus's affliction, 'it's going to be an all-out massacre if we don't do something soon.  _Voldemort,_ that's what he's calling himself now. His followers, purebloods like us, calls themselves the Death Eaters. Greyback is one of them.'

'And Remus?' Sirius asked, knowing full well where the boy's allegiance lay but needing reassurance.

'One of us,' James confirmed, taking a long swig from his bottle. 'Alphard was working on Wolfsbane long before we approached him. It's a cure for lycanthropy or perhaps, more of a control mechanism. It allows the afflicted wizard to keep his mind during the transformation, so that he is nothing but a man in a wolf's body.' Sirius had heard of research being done in the Ministry for better Class Eight creature control, but had no idea so much progress had been made, much less by his uncle. 'The possibilities with such a cure are endless; most werewolf killings are accidental, werewolves become blood thirsty animals during a full moon and have no control over whom they attack. Locking them up to avoid other's harm mean potentially exposing the werewolf to its own wrath, it either kills others or kills itself. Those that survive cannot bear the loss of their humanity every month and eventually take their lives in their human state.' James's voice was sympathetic, just as it had always been even during their school days when he argued with Sirius that magical creatures were often misunderstood and mistreated. It was a merit to how good a man his friend truly was. 'Allowing a werewolf a human conscience would solve at least part of the problem, but also creates a new one. Voldemort will be able to raise an army of wolves that can be controlled and targeted to kill  _exactly_  the people he wants.'

Sirius sucked in a deep breath, taking a sip of his Butterbeer as he contemplated the implication of such power. A werewolf had a hundred times the strength of a normal wizard and very little magic could penetrate its thick hide in a transformed state. In war, they would be the ultimate weapon: enough human to strategise its attack and enough beast to kill. 'So Alphard refused to give it to Riddle?' he asked, circling the rim of his bottle with his thumb.

James shook his head. 'Alphard never finished it and he refused to give it to  _anyone_  if he ever did. Wolfsbane was originally a project under the Ministry but they soon lost interest in it, and stopped funding it when little progress was being made. One can only guess why Alphard continued working on it even afterwards, but he told Dumbledore he had his own personal reasons for developing it and it had little to do with the war that was supposedly brewing.'  _Remus_ , Sirius realised. Alphard's motivation was probably Remus, as difficult as it was for Sirius to admit to such a thing. 'It's an ideal negotiation piece; if we can make allies of the werewolves early on using Wolfsbane as incentive, it puts us in a good position when things turn sour.'

Sirius hummed, feeling overwhelmed as the puzzle pieces slowly clicked into place and everything he'd been confounded over for the past few days, finally started to make sense.

'Remus protested on behalf of us while Alphard was alive and offered to finish it after he died.' James continued, 'I was the one communicating with him until recently through Muggle telephone – it's the only form of communication that hasn't been tapped by Riddle's followers yet. He was supposed to have finished the Wolfsbane last week, but he never contacted us. That's how we knew he was missing.' His hazel eyes hardened. 'We need this, Sirius. The war isn't getting any easier to win. We  _need_ Remus.'

James was about to say more when they heard Lily walk down the staircase. 'He's still unconscious,' she announced, rolling her sleeves down. 'He had serious silver burns on his hands which will take some time to heal, but there's nothing life threatening.' She smiled reassuringly as she joined them at the table, sitting on Sirius's other side. 'I've asked Dumbledore to give him some time to rest before we bombard him with questions.' She smiled kindly and Sirius was truly grateful for her.

'Sirius, you don't think he's told your mother anything, do you?' James asked nervously. He looked up towards the stairs, as if expecting Remus to be striding down. 'You told me he was in there for a week. He-'

'He hasn't told her anything, I'm sure,' Sirius cut in firmly. 'Look at the state of him, James, he was willing to die with that goddamn secret.'

'I just hope he's in the right state of mind when he wakes up,' Lily expressed, her green eyes worried. 'Things like this take more of a toll on the mind than the body.'

* * *

 

_'Alphard, we have to help them!' Remus screams for what feels like the hundredth time as he follows the wizard stubbornly out of the lab. 'Alphard! If Professor Dumbledore is right about Riddle, then there is a war coming and many people will lose their lives! Alphard, listen to me!'_

_'No, Remus,' Alphard warns sternly, turning on his heel to face him, 'you will listen to me! It is bad enough that Dumbledore has dragged us this far! He's endangered our lives by simply approaching us; and now, every single party involved in this goddamn war is going to try and get their hands on the Wolfsbane.' His grey eyes swirl with anger and fear, as he holds Remus by the shoulder. 'Giving Dumbledore the Wolfsbane is going to start a spiral that will only go downwards for you and me, do you understand?'_

_'There are lives at stake here!' Remus protests, willing Alphard to understand, just for once._

_'I don't care about those lives!' Alphard screams, much to Remus's shock. It is a statement so unlike the man he knows that he has a hard time believing that the man in front of him is really the man he loves. 'I care about **a**  life. Just one. And I will not allow anyone or anything to put that life into jeopardy.'_

_Remus blinks, still too shell shocked to speak. Is Alphard prioritising his own life over everyone else's? He has never imagined the older man to be so selfish; it is a mistake surely. The anger is addling his brain, perhaps, and he cannot think clearly. 'I don't care,' Remus replies shakily, pushing Alphard's hand off his shoulders. 'I don't care what you think. I'm going to give it to them when it's finished. This Wolfsbane is as much mine as it is yours and I'm going to do the right thing by it.'_

_Alphard grits his teeth. 'Do not forget your place here, Remus.'_

_Remus looks back, his eyes challenging as he growls, 'Remind me.'_

_It is the wrong thing to do – defying Alphard when he is clearly angry and Remus finds this out when cruel, cruel words slip out of the man's mouth, sounding so very foreign. 'You are a werewolf and a replaceable test subject in my lab. You are a refugee that has been thrown out of your own home and guest in mine. You are here today because I am allowing you to be. And you are to remember that before you feel you have the authority or the position to defy me or touch my work.' He turns his back to him and waves him away as if Remus is nothing but an annoying fly. 'This conversation is over. Go back to your room.'_

_It hurts. The way Alphard speaks so dismissively feels like a silver bullet to the heart but Remus also knows that the man is being purposefully hurtful to ward him off the topic. But he is nothing if not persistent and stubborn, and it is fuelled by his anger over Alphard's cruelty. 'Stop treating me like a child!' He pulls Alphard by the arm to face him and when that doesn't work, he moves to trap the man so that he has no choice but to look Remus in the eye. 'You cannot tell me what I can and cannot do; you don't have reign over me! I don't need your permission to make my decisions, so this time, rather than asking you, I'm telling you: **I'm giving the Wolfsbane to Dumbledore.** '_

_This time, neither of them look away, furious amber against darkening grey. From the corner of his eye, Remus notices Alphard's right hand twitch, but his anger has boosted his confidence and he thinks nothing of it. Later, he thinks it is almost calculative the way Alphard's hand rises and strikes exactly how Lyall Lupin's had. It hits him in the cheek and is so forceful that it knocks him off his feet. It doesn't bleed; however, it brings terror into Remus's soul as he sees visions of his father's foot pressing into his ribcage. Tears spring to his eyes and for the first time, Alphard makes no motion to wipe them or comfort him. He looks down at Remus and his face is impassive, with only an imperceptible flicker of remorse when amber eyes look up at him full of betrayal and disbelief._

_'You will give **nothing** to Dumbledore,' Alphard says in a shaky voice, averting his eyes._

_He does nothing to stop Remus when he runs past him and out of the house._

* * *

 

'Hey, Lily told me you were awake,' Sirius closed the door behind him, but did not move any closer, unsure as to how badly Remus would react to him. The boy was currently sitting sideways on the window sill, his legs folded at the knees and his bandaged hands on his lap in between. The side of his head rested against the glass and his eyes did not move from their downcast position, even as Sirius tentatively drew closer to him. 'I'm glad you're feeling better now and-' he swallowed heavily, wishing Remus would say  _something._ '-and I'm sorry. I let jealousy and stupidity get the better of me, and I know there is no excuse on this planet that I can give you that would justify my actions. But I  _am_ sorry, so, so sorry, and I understand if you hate me or-'

'I don't hate you.'

It was said so softly that Sirius wasn't sure if he heard properly. 'You don't?'

Remus shook his head, amber eyes sliding upwards to finally meet grey. 'I don't hate you.' He smiled and it was crooked and kind and everything Sirius loved about him. 'I'm here – safe, because of you. It would be unkind of me to continue hating you after you've sacrificed so much to help me.' He looked back out the window, though hints of his smile remained in the corners of his lips. 'Thank you.'

Sirius trembled with a sudden and overwhelming wave of emotion, as all the scenarios he had played out of Remus screaming at him or throwing things at him fell to dust. It was so very Remus – kind, understanding – and yet so unexpected to Sirius, who was more accustomed to violence and anger being directed at him. 'Can I- can I hug you?' he asked, his whole body nearly falling into Remus with relief when the boy nodded. He held the sandy blond tightly, wondering if it was possible to love anyone more than he did Remus right that very moment. 'Thank  _you_ ,' he whispered, pressing a small kiss to the werewolf's cheek before parting. He smiled when Remus moved his feet to make space on the window sill, sitting down almost too eagerly and nearly falling over. 'Are you sure you're feeling better?' he asked unsurely, now that he could see the sandy blonde more clearly and was beginning to notice the heavy bags under his eyes and the sallowness of his skin. 'You should really sleep more.'

'I'm all right,' Remus replied with a weak smile. 'Sleep hasn't been very kind to me lately.'

Lily mentioned he'd been waking up with nightmares frequently, most of the time screaming or sobbing. 'James told me about the Wolfsbane and the Order,' Sirius said, not wanting to pry. 'Is it okay, to give it to them, when Uncle Alphard was so opposed to it?'

Remus shrugged. 'It's the right thing to do.'

'It is,' Sirius agreed, placing a hand on Remus's foot, his fingers running over the bare skin of his ankle. 'Alphard would have understood.'

It was meant to sound reassuring, but some part of Remus must have found it patronising instead, as the werewolf first grimaced then burst into harsh laughter. 'No, he wouldn't have.' He touched his right cheekbone, thumb tracing an imaginary pattern on his skin. 'He would have hated me, but then, I think he'd hated me all along.'

A part of Sirius knew he was being inappropriate, but he felt the need to ask, 'Remus, did Alphard ever…' he took a deep breath, '…take advantage of you? I wouldn't judge you if he did and you were young when you-'

'Alphard never laid a hand on me,' Remus interrupted defensively, before deflating under Sirius's gaze. 'We were never together.'

Sirius frowned. 'I don't understand.'

'I was Alphard's lab rat,' Remus began, resting his head on his knees with a resigned sigh. 'Alphard first started his work on Wolfsbane five years ago, but he could not exactly develop a cure without testing how effective it was on an actual werewolf.' He did not meet Sirius's eyes, as if ashamed to even be admitting to it. His eyes steadily looked out the window and the midnight sky. 'I had very little say in it, but I didn't argue against my parents' wishes. I never did back then because I was afraid that they couldn't cope with any more baggage from me. I was a disappointment to them in every way: a son instead of a daughter the day I was born, a werewolf instead of a son at the age of five, and a monster instead of a wizard at age eleven.' He laughed bitterly and Sirius felt he could relate perfectly. 'Alphard was the first to ever see me as someone with value, even if it was as a nothing but a lab rat. I'd never meant anything to anyone before him…'

Sirius placed a comforting hand on Remus's head, fingers tangling in sandy locks and massaging softly when he was rewarded with a weak smile.

'I was this annoying little child that followed him everywhere. I started helping around the lab to get closer to him and spend more time with him. I took an interest in potions and research, constantly trying to impress him and gain praise from him – a pat on the back, a hug, little presents like a bar of chocolate or a book I really wanted – I'd never felt more happy than when I was with him. I confessed to him when I was sixteen.'

'Is that why you moved in with Alphard?'

Remus shook his head. 'Alphard told my parents.'

'Why?' Sirius exclaimed, shocked.

'To discourage my  _infatuation_ with him and have my parents talk some sense into me,' Remus explained with a roll of his eyes. 'He didn't think my father would break two of my ribs as a result.'

'Oh.' Sirius didn't know what else to say. His mother had rarely resorted to physical punishments with him, but he understood from experience that there was very little that could be said to offer comfort.

'I ran to Alphard's and he kissed me that night for the first time, after I begged him like the slut my father told me I was.' Remus laughed bitterly, before choking back a sob. 'After that he never touched me again.'

* * *

 

_'Why?'_

_Alphard rubs his face tiredly. 'Remus, please, I don't want to have this conversation with you again.'_

_Remus strides in front of the man so that grey eyes can no longer avoid his so blatantly. 'You kissed me last night.'_

_'And I apologise for that! Alphard exclaims, again trying to avoid him by moving away and busying himself with the dishes in the sink. He makes sure he stands in a corner so that Remus cannot ambush him. 'It was a moment of weakness on my part and as an adult, I should have had better control. I'm sorry.'_

_'Why?' Remus bangs the countertop with his fist when Alphard does not answer. 'You have feelings for me, so why apologise for them. I've already told you again and again, that I love you! Alphard, are you listening?' He wants to kick him and scream, but the older man remains infuriatingly calm, making Remus feel more and more like a child throwing a tantrum. 'I love you!'_

_'And I've told you that you're confused,' Alphard replies calmly, drying the last of the dishes and putting them back in the cabinet. 'You're not old enough to understand the implications of what you're saying.' He turns and places a warm hand at the nape of Remus's neck and despite being tall for his age, Remus feels incredibly small under Alphard's gaze. 'Right now, it feels like you're in love with me because I'm the person you're around the most and perhaps the first person who has accepted you as you are. But there are other people out there, Remus, who are just as open minded and who will love you unconditionally. You have to give yourself time to meet them.'_

_'I don't want anybody else,' Remus replies stubbornly, his hand sliding over Alphard's wrist to keep him close. He rests his cheek against the older man's palm, as he looks up at him through his eyelashes. 'I've met other people, Alphard; you of all people know that. I'm not coming to you as some blushing virgin or as a child that you've somehow ensnared. I am in love with you.'_

_Alphard sighs, his thumb stroking Remus's cheek gently. 'For a man my age, Remus, falling in love is an irreversible task. There's no going back from it and there's no recovering from the heartbreak that is sure to happen in a relationship with a person who isn't old enough to know what he wants yet.' When Remus looks like he is clearly going to argue, Alphard puts a hand over his mouth, reducing his protests to nothing but mumbles. He sighs, closing his eyes tightly as he presses a gentle kiss to the crown of Remus's head. 'A compromise then,' he concedes finally and the words come out of him forced, as if he does not want to say it. 'I want you to wait till you're eighteen – just two more years, and if you still think you love me, I won't fight it anymore.'_

_Remus pulls Alphard's hand over his mouth with both of his, his wide amber eyes hopeful. 'You promise?'_

_'I promise.'_

* * *

 

'I was relentless. I did everything to prove the sincerity of my feelings: I gave up sex with other men and focused solely on him. I incorporated myself into his life seamlessly, so that he became used to me. I reminded him, almost tauntingly, every day that my feelings hadn't changed.'

Sirius hummed, not meeting Remus's eyes as his thumb continued to rub circles over Remus's ankle and then followed the thin tendons that extended to his toes. Perhaps, like his uncle, he could not look past the age gap or the conservative teachings he grew up with, but he genuinely believed that Alphard had done the right thing, no matter how painful it was for Remus.

'I was a fucking idiot,' Remus cursed himself. 'Not once did I think that perhaps Alphard might not love me the same way. I was so cocky and full of myself, and he'd always indulged my whims to the point that I'd become arrogant. The night he died, we had a huge row about the Wolfsbane.' He touched his cheek again, 'He hit me.'

Sirius drew a sharp breath. 'Why?'

Remus smiled tightly. 'He'd had enough of me – just like my parents, like the townspeople, like you.' He laid a reassuring hand over Sirius's when the dark haired boy looked away with guilt. 'I got drunk that night. Very, very drunk, and I must have said something about being gay and in love with Alphard. I got into a brawl and I was passed out in a drunken alley until morning. Everyone blames me for it, but believe me, I didn't know. I didn't know they would come for him.' Amber eyes welled up with tears as his fingers tightened around Sirius's. 'I promise you, I didn't know.'

'I know,' Sirius said softly, his lips tilting in a hesitant smile. He squeezed Remus's fingers one last time before letting go.

A comfortable silence fell between them, as Sirius continued to massage the heels of Remus's feet, now on his lap, and Remus looked pensively out the window. There was a sadness still lingering in those amber eyes, and Sirius, never very good with emotions but not any less empathetic, timed his breath with the other boys so that they were in sync. He wasn't sure how it helped, but somehow felt closer to the sandy blonde in the knowledge that their hearts now beat as one. He leaned his head against the window pane, grey eyes admiring the soft shadows of Remus's face and the way his eyelashes fluttered delicately. Sandy blond hair curled around his ears and thin pale fingers rose to push them back. Sirius hadn't even realised he was staring until Remus spoke again.

'I think he was hoping I would grow out of it.'

Sirius blinked, trying to snap out of his daze.

'Sometimes, your perception of a person gets clouded by all the happy memories you had with them and the way you wanted to see that person, rather than the way they really were. But a Dementor strips away all that from you and you're left with nothing but the harsh truth.' Remus licked his dry lips and looked up at Sirius. 'The truth is that Alphard never really loved me.'

Dark brows furrowed together. 'He left you everything he owned - his home, his money and his research.'

Remus laughed hollowly, running his hands through his hair and then burying his face in between his knees. 'He left me a lab, funding, and his research, so that I can finish the work he started.'

Sirius didn't know what more to say and a part of him did not want to argue for a relationship he still disapproved of, no matter how little he agreed with Remus. There was evidence contrary to it: after all, James himself had mentioned that Alphard had been developing the Wolfsbane for personal reasons and his uncle had also not chosen any other beneficiary but Remus for is inheritance. It was a lot of kerfuffle for a "lab rat" if Sirius were to be asked.

'Listen, he started instead, 'I know this is probably the wrong time to be telling you this, but I never really understood tact and decorum.' He was glad when Remus let out a genuine laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling. 'If Alphard was right about anything, it's that you as you go along in life, you will find people who love you unconditionally. Well, not people - person.  _Me. I_  love you.' Sirius blushed brightly, wondering why a confession that sounded so suave in his head came off so ridiculous in speech. He looked up at Remus shyly and was surprised to see Remus looking a shocked over his admission. It was certainly not the first time Sirius had told him of his feelings. 'I love you,' he repeated, just to make sure Remus understood. 'So whenever you feel like you can move on to, you know, younger more energetic men,' he dodged a playful swat to the head, 'I'm here.'

He smiled and pressed his lips to Remus's foot in adoration and worship. 'I'm always here.'

* * *

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	9. Are you mine, Remus Lupin?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upon Alphard Black's death, Walburga was convinced her brother's fortune would be passed on to her heir and eldest son, Sirius Black. He was, after all, his favourite nephew. Yet, they are all taken by surprise when the lawyers reveal that Alphard's sole beneficiary is a boy called Remus Lupin. Just who is this Remus Lupin and why him? Magical AU.

 

'It's okay. Don't look. Don't look,' Sirius whispered again and again, holding Remus's trembling frame tightly to his chest. 'It's okay. It's okay,' he assured, as Remus pressed his face further and further into his neck and his hands fisted the back of Sirius's shirt as if he was afraid of falling. 'Just don't look and it will be all right.'

From the corner of his eyes, he could see James fidgeting with his wand in his pocket and trying to blend into the crowd that was slowly gathering around the burning house. He kept glancing back to where he knew Remus and Sirius were standing, hidden under the Invisibility cloak, as if coaxing them for instructions to leave. Muggle reinforcements would be coming soon and while the cloak made them invisible, it did not make them any less solid. It would certainly make James's job as their guard more difficult.

'Remus, I'm going to apparate us out of here now,' Sirius whispered gently, his hands rubbing Remus's arms up and down comfortingly. 'We can't stay here any longer.'

He felt Remus shake his head against him, arms tightening in reluctance to leave. 'This was my home, Sirius,' he said softly, his voice trembling as if just holding back tears. 'This was the first place I could ever call home and look what I've done to it.' He gazed back for the first time since Sirius had convinced him to disable all the protective wards one by one, so that fire could be set to it. 'Alphard was right; he had predicted that cooperating with Dumbledore would ruin us but I never listened. And now, he's dead and I am committing treason against everything he ever believed in by setting his home on fire and still handing the Wolfsbane over to the Order.' His eyes shifted to hold Sirius's, amber eyes burning as brightly as the flames behind them. 'What sort of traitorous bastard am I?' He asked shaking with anger, his hands falling away from Sirius to form tight fists at his side. 'What sort of ungrateful monster am I?'

Unsure of whether Remus wanted to be touched or not in his vulnerable position, Sirius allowed his arms to lay limp at his sides. 'The sort of bastard who is giving up everything to save many, many lives,' he said, his voice so gentle, he wondered if it was really him speaking. He tried to grin as he always did to lighten the mood, but knew his lips formed a grimace as he noticed James pace the perimeters of the house again. 'If we didn't do this, they would find a way to get their hands on the Wolfsbane one way or the other. You saw what Reggie wrote - even though we moved the research, they were planning to scour the house for ingredients and clues to put the pieces together.'

Remus closed his eyes, as if trying to convince himself of Sirius's reasoning while the young Black waited more patiently than he felt, more out of love for the werewolf than sympathy. Years of sacrificing every bit of himself for his family had left Sirius almost apathetic and uncomprehending of certain situations. 'Do you think Alphard would ever forgive me?' The sandy blonde asked him softly as his breath came out in short, shallow bursts.

Jealousy shot through Sirius as it always did when Remus mentioned Alphard, but he pushed it down forcefully. Sighing deeply, he pushed sandy hair out of amber eyes and kissed the boy's forehead softly. 'I can't give you that answer, Remus.' He knew it wasn't the answer Remus wanted but Sirius did not want to lie, not anymore. 'The forgiveness of the dead have no value in the land of the living.' He wrapped his arms back around the werewolf, hesitantly, unsure whether he was allowed.

Remus did not resist, tawny head settling on broad shoulders and warm breath wafting against the black haired boy's neck. 'Let's go,' he said resignedly and Sirius heaved a sigh of relief, tapping against the mirror in his pocket twice as a signal for James to clear off as well.

Before he disapparated, Sirius noticed an older man and a woman pushing through the crowd to make their way to the house. It was odd how Sirius's grey eyes were drawn to them amongst the large throng of panicked people, but something about the man's wild tawny hair as he fought the muggle police to get into the premises and the woman's teary amber eyes as she screamed had rung familiar to him. But before he could contemplate it any further, the scenery changed and he found himself in front of the Potter house again, being ushered by Lily Potter for a cup of warm tea and a thick bar of chocolate to calm Remus's shaky hands.

* * *

 

'Go on in,' Sirius urged, once the vault door had opened. 'All this as much yours as it is mine.' He pushed Remus into his Gringotts vault gently, whistling as he followed. Sirius had never been short of gold before, but now with the combined weight of his own and Alphard's considerable fortune, the vault looked nearly illegal.

When he and Regulus had devised a loop hole in the system, Sirius did not think it to be ingenious. It was elementary really; by law, Remus was not allowed to inherit Alphard's wealth and so it transferred to his uncle's next of kin – his sister, Walburga Black. However, arrogance had made Walburga short sighted and she had by passed the fact that pureblood patriarchy dictated that she, as a woman, had as much right to Alphard's fortune as Remus Lupin, the werewolf. Consequently, as heir, it meant that Sirius had inherited back everything that was Remus's to begin with perfectly legally. His mother had no means of accessing it without breaking into Gringotts herself, though Sirius was sure it would not keep her from trying. She had probably not fathomed the consequences of her zeal when Regulus was pushing for the lawyers to strip Lupin of his inheritance under Sirius's instructions. He would have loved to see her face when realisation sunk in far too late. The very idea of it made his face split into a grin.

'Are you sure it will be safe here?' Remus asked unsurely, as he placed the shrunken notebooks and scrolls full of his and Alphard's research at the very corner of the vault. His amber eyes shot back sternly when the goblin accompanying them scoffed at his question. 'No one in your family had access to the vault, you're sure of it?' he asked again, piling gold galleons on top of his research to hide it in the same potion Sirius had watched Remus pot plants in the garden. 'This cannot get into the wrong hands.'

'It's safe,' Sirius assured with a smile. 'I promise.' He surveyed the gold surrounding them again with awe that didn't seem to be leaving him any time soon. 'Listen, these past few days have been challenging for us, to say the least. And there is every possibility that it's not going to get any easier. But we're here now and we should enjoy the fact that we're here, that we have each other.'

Remus looked back at him, eyebrows raised. 'Are you asking me out on a date?'

Sirius grinned weakly. 'Are you saying no?'

Remus shook his head as he stood up, brushing the creases off his clothes. 'I've never been on a date before,' he admitted, his cheeks colouring attractively.

'What, Alphard never took you out to dinner?' Sirius asked, the derisiveness in his tone masking the constant jealousy that he felt for his uncle. The answering silence that followed was the only indication that he had gone too far. Sirius closed his eyes and sighed. 'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that,' he apologised, feeling worse when he noticed that Remus's face had turned pale again, the smile he'd been sporting only moments ago now a thin, straight line. 'I didn't mean anything by it.'

'There are days when I regret it, you know,' Remus said softly, looking down at his shoes as one arm crossed over the other protectively. 'Loving Alphard. I know it's a horrible thing to say.' He pulled the sleeves of his plaid shirt where they had been folded to the elbow. 'But the more I stay with you, the more I realise how little he gave a fuck about me.' He kicked the small pile of gold nearest to him angrily. 'The most pathetic part of all this is, I didn't know any better. Until now, until  _you_ , I didn't even know what being loved looked like.' He laughed humourlessly.

'Better late than never,' Sirius replied stupidly from the lack of anything better to say.

It had the desired effect however, because Remus's expression instantly lifted and this time, his laughter was genuine. 'Better late than never,' he agreed, amber eyes shining as he shook his head hopelessly. He walked up to Sirius and pulled him into a hug. 'Thank you, Sirius,' he whispered into his ear before pulling away.

'For what?' Sirius asked, dumbly, wishing the hug would last a little longer. From the corner of his eye, he could see their goblin in charge of their account fidget restlessly, obviously annoyed by the delay. He felt he should be embarrassed about the public displays of affection they were showing or the sudden drama they had caused within the vault, but he found it hard to think beyond the crookedness of Remus's teeth and the little smile lines that collected in the corner of Remus's eyes. Fuck, he was smitten.

'For the date,' Remus replied cheekily with a wink.

Sirius laughed. 'Why don't you go on ahead?' he suggested. 'I'm going to stock up on some gold. Something tells me winning you over isn't going to come cheap.' He ruffled Remus's tawny hair as the boy climbed out of the vault, feeling regrettably foolish. He had wanted to kiss the boy, or perhaps pull him into another hug, or even dare something as cheeky as a slap on his rather fine arse; yet, the most Sirius's brain had been able to come up with in his post Remus haze was a hair muss. He groaned at the stupidity of his own actions, resisting the urge to bang his head on a hard surface as he began to pile some gold into his carry pouch.

Just as he reached for the final handful of gold, however, his hand closed around something else. Frowning, he pulled it out from beneath the thin layer of galleons that lay over it, his curiosity peaked when a small jute pouch came through, no bigger than his palm. It looked rather ordinary and Sirius would have simply put it back had it not been for the card dangling from the mouth, where two knotted strings held the pouch firmly closed.  _Happy Birthday, Remus –_  it read in cursive that Sirius recognised immediately from the hundreds of letters he had exchanged with his uncle over the years, Hesitantly, Sirius looked back to check on Remus, turning further so that the sandy blonde only had view of his back. He remained kneeling so as not to arouse suspicion as he pulled the knot loose easily and turned the pouch into his palm. Sirius felt his breath catch when a thin gold ring fell out, the inscription on the inside carved in an almost perfect replica of Alphard's handwriting. It contained only two words; two words that had Sirius nearly pulling out his wand to destroy it:

_I promised._

Sirius grit his teeth as jealousy and insecurity shot through his veins, that familiar hatred for his uncle making itself visible yet again. His fists clenched tightly around the ring, the smooth metal unyielding to the pressure. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he put it back inside the pouch and then into his pockets. If he left it here in the vault, Remus would be able to find it one day, perhaps just as easily as Sirius had today. The honest thing would be for Sirius to give it to him himself, to allow Remus the kindness of feeling less abandoned by Alphard Black and provide him some sort of closure for the unresolved feelings that hung back after the older man's death. But that also meant rekindling Remus's dying love for Alphard Black and Sirius was neither that honest nor that kind. In fact, contrary to Remus's opinion, he was definitely not very different from any other Black. The sandy blonde was only starting to see him differently, allowing Sirius's lingering touches, blushing delightfully when he stared too long, encouraging him to always sit beside him with their thighs and knees touching. Remus was slowly becoming open to Sirius's affections, allowing himself to become almost dependant on Sirius's love for him and the gentle affection he showed.

So Sirius would be damned if he allowed his uncle, like the rest of the Black family, to ruin his chances at happiness with Remus.

'Sirius, are you all right?' An unsure voice asked, a mop of tawny hair and worried amber eyes peeking around the entrance of the vault.

'Yeah,' Sirius grinned, standing up and dusting himself off, as he joined Remus back in the Gringotts cart. Feeling daring, he pressed a quick kiss to Remus's cheek and then another to the very corner of his pink lips, laughing when the boy's mouth dropped in surprise.

After all, Alphard Black was dead.

And the dead were best left buried.

* * *

 

Regulus rounded on him as soon as the door closed. 'Really, Sirius? Really?'

'What?' Sirius asked, with a not so innocent quirk of his eyebrows. He found that his old habits for pranks and mischief making were returning the more time he spent away from home.

Things have been no less difficult with Remus and the entire situation with the Order and the Wolfsbane. Remus had already handed the Wolfsbane over to Dumbledore the same time Sirius had decided to join the Order of Phoenix in order to play an active part against Voldemort in the upcoming war. The both of them were still taking refuge at the Potters which had been heavily guarded because they were all unsure if Remus was ever going stop being hunted for his knowledge. And though Remus was still visibly upset of having had to burn down the house three days ago, his mood was slowly showing signs of improvement. Despite all the hardship, Sirius, for the first time in many, many years, found he could be himself and at ease. He did not have to think twice about being judged or placing Regulus's wellbeing in jeopardy for his behaviour. He did not have to think about the dungeons and the punishments that he was often privy to. Least of all, he did not have to think about his Mother.

'Of all the places in bloody London, you choose the back room in a gay bar to have a serious conversation?'

Sirius grinned, casually flopping backwards into a chair behind him. 'I think it's rather clever.' He waved his wand towards the door, locking it securely and placing silencing charms on it. Though James was currently standing guard outside under the invisibility cloak, precautions were always necessary. 'What are the chances of us being followed in here? Merlin knows Death Eaters are famous for their tolerance,' he muttered sarcastically, his mood turning momentarily dark before lighting up again at the pained expression on his brother's face.

'Very clever,' Regulus rolled his eye, 'but now everyone here thinks we're a couple of perverted brothers who are  _having sex_!'

Sirius found it rather endearing that Regulus had to whisper the word, "sex" as though it were something ridiculously forbidden. A part of him was glad that he had managed to shelter his brother's innocence so far while the other worried what Regulus would do without him there. 'No one knows we're brothers here,' he replied, trying to squash down the feelings of guilt and protectiveness that arose within him. Regulus had proven through this whole Wolfsbane ordeal that he was far more capable than Sirius had given him credit for.

'Sirius,' Regulus grit his teeth in mock irritation, 'despite the inappropriate amount of leather you are wearing,' he swept his hand towards the old leather boots, jacket, and studded collar (remnants James had kept from their school days) with derision. 'We look almost exactly alike. Also, it does not help that the muggles think I'm wearing a dress because you didn't have the decency to tell me where we're meeting and I dressed in robes!' He crossed his arms and kicked his brother in the shin petulantly when Sirius started laughing. 'Mother has taken off her trail on me,' he said softly once Sirius's laughter had died down to a brotherly smile. He sat down on the rusty bed, his upper lip turning when he noticed the suspicious stains on the mattress.

Sirius heaved a sigh of relief. 'I was afraid she would blame you for our escape.' He reached for his brother's hand and squeezed tightly before letting go. 'I'm glad you're safe.'

'Sirius,' Regulus sighed, 'she did blame me.' He rubbed his face tiredly and suddenly, he looked older and more haggard than Sirius had ever seen him. 'I had to give her a reason to trust me without putting you in jeopardy.' His grey eyes bore into Sirius's beseechingly. 'Haven't you noticed that no one has come for you or Lupin yet? Why not even an attempt has been made to ambush you or Lupin, or find out where you are hiding?'

Sirius drew in a sharp breath. He had simply assumed they had done a good job at covering all their tracks. 'You?'

Regulus nodded. 'It's why I asked you to burn down the house and destroy everything.' He wrung his hands together nervously as he started to speak. 'I convinced Mother Lupin was a lost cause; the burning of his house proved that even in capture, he was more likely to let himself die than help recreate the Wolsbane. I offered an alternative.' Here, he looked away from Sirius, as if ashamed. 'Severus Snape.'

It took a moment for Sirius to recognise the name. 'Snivellus? That prat from school?' he asked incredulously, remembering the greasy haired boy both he and James had despised and tormented in their Hogwarts years. 'What has he got to do with anything?'

'He was a senior at school and a natural Potions prodigy. I used to watch him work when we were in Hogwarts; he could brew just about anything as long as he knew what the end result was. If anyone can recreate the Wolfsbane, however long it may take, it's Snape.' Regulus explained, still not looking at Sirius, his gaze focused on his shoes instead. 'I helped recruit him into the Death Eaters.'

Sirius's head swam. 'I don't understand,' he whispered, though he understood perfectly well. 'You  _helped_ recruit him. You-' his gaze focused and unconfused, and he swallowed multiple times as he tried to process the meaning behind Regulus's unspoken words and demeanor.

'It's why I wanted to meet today, Sirius. I wanted to make sure you were all right one last time before we parted ways.' He smiled weakly, his arms held up towards his brother, requesting an embrace. His smiled faltered when Sirius did not respond and then subsequently pushed his arms away as rejection. 'Sirius, please don't make this any more difficult. I don't want us to part ways this way wh- ' He cried out in surprise when Sirius grabbed him by the elbow roughly and pulled him closer until they were face to face.

'You are not going anywhere!' Sirius growled, teeth clenched together in anger. 'You are coming with me!' His hold on his brother tightened when he tried to twist away in protest. 'I forbade you, Regulus! I allowed you to remain at Grimmauld on the condition that you do as I order and stay out of trouble! Yet, a few weeks in and you are already disobeying me and joining this bloody cult that-'

'I will do as I please!' Regulus shouted, pulling his hand away and pushing Sirius back. 'You do not have a say on what I can and cannot do! I am grown enough to make my own decisions and I feel that I can achieve what's important by joining the Death Eaters! Don't think you can simply lay an order and expect me to listen to you at every turn! You are not my keeper!'

Anger flooded through Sirius's veins, blood pumping to his head and staining the front of his eyes until all he could see was red. Before he knew what he was doing, Sirius had raised a hand and backhanded his younger brother hard across the face, sending Regulus reeling back into the bed he had been sitting on earlier. 'I AM YOUR BROTHER!' He roared and was about to raise his hand again, when something in Regulus's teary grey eyes stopped him, his hand shaking as it hung midair above his head.

Regulus's lower lip trembled. 'And you are becoming just like mother.' He raised a hand to his cheek, where Sirius's ring had broken skin. It was the ring that bore the Black family crest – Sirius had not even realised he was still wearing it. 'I really wanted us to part as brothers, Sirius.' He stood up, swiping at his eyes with the back of his hand and then meeting Sirius's softened gaze. 'Don't think for a second that I haven't noticed everything you've sacrificed to keep me safe and don't think I'm ungrateful for it.' He stood up straighter, as if trying to seem taller in front of his older brother. 'You taught me what it means to protect the people I loved and do the right thing no matter what, and I took those lessons seriously.' He raised his chin defiantly in a way that reminded Sirius too much of himself. 'Don't tell me now to abandon them.'

Again, he raised his arms, trying to wrap them around his elder brother in a hug, but Sirius, still unable to accept Regulus's decision, moved away from his touch a second time. Perhaps, he thought, if Sirius showed enough disapproval, Regulus would concede. His little brother had never gone against him, certainly not to this degree. This was the boy, who until recently, had tagged along with Sirius everywhere and constantly tried to gain his approval by doing foolish things. Foolish things like joining Voldemort's ranks and getting involved in the Dark Arts. He waited, his eyes closed tight and his lungs tighter from the lack of oxygen, for Regulus to concede; to laugh and agree to come with Sirius instead. He waited, his heart hammering wildly in his chest and the silence in the room sounding like an incessant drumming in his ears.

'Goodbye, Sirius,' Regulus whispered and by the time Sirius whipped around and opened his eyes, the door had already closed shut behind him.

* * *

 

'Thank you for helping me with the garden, Remus. It's always such a chore to do it alone.' She wiped the sweat collecting on her forehead with the back of her gloved hand, as she looked up Remus through tendrils of messy red hair. 'It's lovely to have someone to talk to.' She reached out to rub some dirt off of Remus's nose with her thumb. 'Sorry,' she blushed when she realised she was being overly familiar. 'It's this pregnancy, it makes all my mothering instincts come out.'

Remus laughed softly, his hands fluidly sifting through the dirt as he planted each seed in organised randomness. 'You will make a very good mother.'

Lily brightened. 'You really think so? James and I can't help but be nervous. Everyone keeps telling us we're too young to be parents, but that doesn't mean we'll love this child any less.' She touched the small swell of her stomach gently, her face full of affection and adoration for her unborn child. 'I can only hope to be as good to my child as my mother was to me.' She rubbed her belly in concentric circles, looking down as if mesmerised by her own movements. 'What was your mother like?'

Remus felt the smile slide from his face. 'She's a good woman,' he said quietly, his hands slowly bringing the dirt together to form a small mound over the seed he had just planted. 'But she was dealt with the misfortune of having me as a son.' The words out of his mouth tasted bitter even as he said it and he was surprised by how much he cared even after all this time. But Remus had always cared, had even reached out to her for comfort when Alphard had died; would still seek her out if today Sirius suddenly decided to abandon him.

A pale hand rested on top of his, thumb brushing his knuckles comfortingly and pulling him out of his self-pity. 'No child can bring misfortune to this world, least of all one as kind as you.' She smiled, her emerald eyes crinkling in the corners, and Remus could not help smile back. 'Sirius has taken a real shine to you and I can see why.'

Remus blushed, trying to hide the fact that he was secretly pleased by pouring measured water into the earth. 'Have you known him long?'

'Unfortunately. He was an absolute tyrant in school. Sirius Black and James Potter – the great marauding duo!' She mocked, flinging her arms out for drama and having dirt fly everywhere in the process. 'Merlin, the pranks they pulled! It could never be something silly or regular like dying a girl's hair blue or setting off some harmless Dungbombs. No, with them, everything was a production and the world their stage. From seducing the Giant Squid to serenading the Headmaster to having naked cupids delivering lewd Valentine messages. Prats, they were, both of them!'

Remus laughed, despite Lily clearly not being amused by the antics. It seemed just the thought of them was enough to colour her face red with irritation. 'The sound lovely.'

Lily snorted. 'Why do I have a feeling you would have fit right in with them?' When Remus shrugged and shot her a mischievous smile, she playfully bumped shoulders with him. 'Ironically, it was when their friendship started deteriorating that James and I got together. I was glad at that time because without Sirius's influence, James was kinder, more sensitive, mature – everything I thought I wanted in a man.'

Remus cocked his head curiously, brows furrowed. 'Do you know why they drifted apart?'

Lily shook her head. 'It was mutual. James refused to tell me the reason, but whatever it was, it changed Sirius. I never thought I would miss him, but when he started to get quieter, more reserved,  _miserable_ , I was worried. The whole school was, I think, because it seemed like he was trying to disappear.' Without her having to explain any further, Remus already knew that Sirius's family had somehow been involved. He remembered when Sirius had first come to the house, how formal and restrained he had been. 'It didn't stop the girls from fawning over him though,' she laughed, lightening the mood considerably. 'Suddenly, he was this tall, dark, brooding chap whose walls only the fairest maiden could penetrate.' Lily snorted. 'The only time he ever seemed accessible was with Regulus.'

'I owe my life to Regulus,' Remus said quietly, with a smile, as he thought of the younger Black. Remus had only seen him in passing, but felt that he already knew him well from all the stories Sirius had told of him. He felt a fondness for Regulus that was akin to that of a younger brother. 'He's done a lot for both Sirius and I.'

'I'm not surprised,' Lily nodded, pulling the small box of peonies to her and started de-potting them. 'I think he would do anything for Sirius. Regulus was the only person in school Sirius ever gave a fuck about; he made sure he ate his meals, helped with his homework, turned furious if anyone even looked at Regulus the wrong way – that gentle side of him had girls simply swooning.' She touched her bump again possessively and smiled. 'I think I would consider myself lucky if I can be even half a parent as Sirius was to that boy. He's a good man,' she said softly as she started working on her peonies back again, 'and I can tell from just the way he looks at you that he's crazy about you.'

Remus felt his cheeks grow warm and he felt himself unable to look at amused green eyes. He was just about to change the topic and ask her about dinner, when he heard two sets of feet, one louder the other, walk up the pathway to the house. He only caught a glimpse of Sirius's black hair before the boy walked into the house, slamming the door behind him and leaving James still standing outside, steps away from them. When they looked up at him, with expressions of worry and concern, he shook his head and sighed heavily, squatting down beside them.

'I don't know what happened, if that's what you're wondering.' He kissed his wife on the cheek, his hand unconsciously drifting to her stomach as his arm circled her waist. 'But I have a good inkling that his meeting with Regulus did not go well. I can't ask him anything in this state, but I'm gathering that it isn't anything life threatening or he would have taken action by now.'

Remus looked back at the house, where he could still hear stomping footsteps and multiple doors which were suffering Sirius Black's wrath. 'I'll go check up on him.'

He was stopped in his tracks by James who grabbed a hold of his wrist. 'Believe me when I say this, he is going to explode at any moment, and you don't want to be caught between the debris of a Black strop.' His hazel eyes though worried, seemed confident, and Remus was very tempted to trust him. After all, James Potter had known Sirius most of his life and had been his best friend for longer. 'Give him time,' the black haired boy said gently, his fingers squeezing in a reassuring manner. 'Let him sort it out by himself.'

Remus looked back at the house, which had suddenly gone eerily silent. 'I can't,' he replied apologetically, pulling his hand out of James's grasp and running into the house. It felt like a betrayal somehow to Remus, to ignore Sirius when he was distressed, after the black haired boy had done so much for him. He felt even more worried when the only sound he could hear were the echoes of his own footsteps as he fast walked through the hallway and then ran up the staircase two at a time. He didn't know what he expected to see, but he felt a huge relief nonetheless when he walked in to Sirius's bedroom to see him sifting through the cupboard. 'Hey,' he said tentatively, drawing closer in small, measured steps in case Sirius decided to follow through James's prediction and explode.

Sirius grunted in reply, not looking back. He pulled a couple of shirts out of their hangers and tossed them to his left, where Remus only then noticed, his trunk lay open.

'What are you doing?' Remus asked, swallowing and moving closer. The trunk was already half full, piles of clothes and shoes strewn about inside messily.

'I'm leaving,' Sirius replied shortly, still refusing to meet Remus's eyes.

 _No!_ A part of Remus screamed.  _You can't leave me!_ He quelled it down, trying to control the part of him that was slowly going into hysteria from fear of abandonment yet again. It seemed almost as if a curse with Remus, where everything he cared for left because they could not bring themselves to be with him any longer. He licked his dry lips and asked what his brain told him was a more reasonable and logical question: 'Where are you going?'

'Home.'

Remus's eyes widened. 'Sirius, you  _can't_.'

Sirius's hands paused and Remus's amber eyes mapped the tremble in each every individual finger, as momentary silence enveloped them. 'I have to,' he replied in a pained voice.

'They'll kill you.'

Sirius let out a dry laugh. 'They'll kill my brother first.'

 _Regulus_. Dread settled at the very pit of his stomach, heavy and uncomfortable, and for a moment, Remus felt afraid. Afraid that his foolishness with the Wolfsbane was costing yet another innocent life. Not for the first time, Remus wished he had listened to Alphard and ignored Dumbledore's request. His decision saved lives he knew, but the few lives that were in danger were now becoming Remus's responsibility instead. 'Hey,' he said softly, a tentative hand curling around Sirius's shoulder and urging the boy to face him. 'Just calm down for a moment,' both hands now guided the black haired boy to sit down on the bed. Remus tried not to worry too much over the vacant expression in Sirius's eyes or the way his body followed instructions numbly. 'Tell me what happened.'

'He's joined them – the Death Eaters.' At Remus's surprised gasp, Sirius let out a humourless chuckle. 'I don't know what he's playing at; what he thinks he can achieve by doing this.' His fingers buried inside into dark locks pulling in frustration. 'I don't know if this is a rebellion against me or if he's being forced into this by Mother. Or if he is trying to be some kind of hero and trying to bring them down all by himself. I don't fucking know!' Both hands formed fists, punctuating the pause between his words with a bang, as fists hit the bedspread angrily. 'Whatever the fuck he is trying, he can't survive there. He is getting in way above his head.'

'Have you tried talking to him?' Remus asked, one hand coming up to rest on the small of Sirius's back.

'He's past listening to me,' Sirius shook his head. 'He's gotten cocky; just because I'm out of the house, he thinks he can do whatever he pleases,' he growled, his anger coming back in full force. 'He's always been a soft headed idiot, never thinking through his actions, saying and doing whatever his  _heart_  tells him. He is and always will be a  _child._ ' He grit his teeth when Remus kept him from getting up. 'I need to go home,' Sirius snapped, trying to push the amber eyed boy away and failing. 'It was stupid of me to think Regulus would last a single day without me; stupid and selfish. I should have never left. I don't know what I was thinking but I need to go back. He  _needs_ me.'

The second time Sirius tried to push him away, Remus forcefully wrapped him arms around him and pulled him to his chest so tightly he could feel Sirius's harsh breaths against his neck. 'Shh,' he hushed when the young Black continued to struggle against him, 'listen to me, Sirius, you can't go back. If you do, you only put yourself, Regulus, and everyone around you in more danger.' He could feel Sirius's heart hammering against his chest; could feel his pulse jumping wildly where Remus had placed a hand on the back of his neck, running his fingers through dark hair; could feel his entire body shaking as he tried and failed to repress sobs of anger and helplessness, and then finally, he could feel when cold droplets of despair fell on to his shoulder, spreading across the thin material of his shirt.

'How could I have been so selfish?' Sirius cries were muffled against Remus's shoulders. 'I just left him there! I put myself before my own brother and now I'm going to lose him!' Sharp nails dug into Remus's shoulder. 'He's just a child! He doesn't know any better!'

Remus felt that familiar guilt rising in him again. 'Sirius,' he started softly, his lips pressing to dark hair, 'Regulus is anything but a child. Look at us,' he held tear stained cheeks between his palms as teary grey eyes rose to look up at him. 'We are here today because of him. You need to accept that he is capable of taking care of himself and trust that he knows what he is doing. You might not understand it, but you need to trust him the same way he has trusted you all these years.' He pushed Sirius's wayward hair out of his face and tucked it behind his ears. 'If he is anything like you, then he is brave, intelligent, and above all,  _good._ He would want you to be happy. To live your own life and for once, to be selfish.' Unable to resist the pain in those soulful grey eyes any longer, Remus closed the distance between them and pressed his lips gently to the other boy's.

He heard Sirius's sharp intake of breath and felt hands tighten on his waist, but the mouth against his was pliant and willing, opening itself up to his searching tongue. Remus was gentle with him, running long fingers through dark hair before moving them to encircle Sirius's waist and pull him closer so that their chests touched. He took his time exploring Sirius's mouth, their tongues meeting halfway while their lips made the barest of brushes. When they both finally parted, out of breath, Remus rested his forehead against Sirius's.

Searching grey eyes looked up at him, laced with confusion and doubt.

Remus smiled, running the back of his hand against Sirius's cheek. 'You can be as selfish as you like with me,' he whispered and was caught by surprise when lips crashed against his so violently that he was knocked backwards.

The back of his head met mattress just as Sirius covered his body with his own, chests, bellies and knees touching. Needy hands gripped his hips tightly just as their groins aligned, eliciting a moan from both of them. Remus was barely able to catch his breath, when he felt Sirius's lips press against his neck while his fingers worked on the buttons of Remus's shirt, popping them open one by one. As a tongue circled his nipple, Remus was panting, feeling winded and heady with desire. He could do nothing but moan as lips and tongue and teeth marked a wet, saliva slicked trail down his navel to the very waistband of his trousers. And there Sirius hesitated, looking up at Remus with unsure eyes, teeth worrying his bottom lip.

'Come here,' Remus beckoned, sitting up and shifting backwards until his back hit pillows. He watched as Sirius toed off his shoes, then crawled up to him, his jeans slipping lower across his hips from the movement.

It was jarring, Remus realised as Sirius hovered on top of him. It was jarring to see Sirius Black look so unsure and afraid and overwhelmed, when he had been nothing but a pillar of strength for Remus throughout this whole ordeal. He had saved him, had been there for him at every turn, had even taken the worst of Remus's problems upon himself and made them vanish until he was cocooned inside a comfortable bubble of safety. Even when they had first met, Remus was in awe with Sirius's spirit and his bravery, how he spoke with such conviction that you had little choice but to be swayed by his words. Something, sometime, had to give; and Remus realised with the tiniest fraction of jealousy, that Regulus was Sirius's breaking point.

Remus looked up at grey eyes, still hesitant, as if waiting for his permission to continue. Still maintaining eye contact, he let his hands drift to the hem of Sirius's t-shirt and pulled it over his head. He didn't let his eyes waver even as he popped open the button of Sirius's jeans, the pull of zipper sounding obnoxiously loud in the silence. He could hear the other boy's breathing speed up from apprehension, the muscles in his bare chest visibly shifting as a thin trail of sweat trickled down his neck. Their gazes finally broke when Remus took Sirius's cock in hand and Sirius let his eyes fall shut with a quiet groan. A soft pink tongue darted out to trace the sweat that was now beginning to pool in the hollows of the dark haired boy's neck, his shoulders, and at the very tips of his nipples.

'Remus,' Sirius moaned, pushing against the hand that was pumping him in a slow and steady rhythm. 'Remus, can I-ah-can I-'

Remus already knew what Sirius was asking without him having to articulate it into words. He took Sirius's right hand within his own, entwining their fingers momentarily before guiding the index and middle fingers into his mouth and sucking with abandon, his tongue rough against calloused finger tips. 'Have me,' he whispered kissing each digit as he spread his legs and wrapped them around Sirius's waist.

Remus only had second to hear the hitch in Sirius's breath and the guttural moan that rumbled through his chest, before he was caught up in a whirlwind of movement where Sirius was pushing him down into the bed and divesting his of the last shred of clothing. It was uncomfortable at first as Sirius tried to prepare him, slow and patient, despite the tremble of his biceps where Remus's fingers clutched tightly from the pain and the turgidity of his cock as it smeared pre-cum on to Remus's stomach. But the discomfort soon passed and morphed into something so much more pleasurable and so very carnal that they seemed nothing but a mass of writhing flesh and body, merged into one, their words coming out as garbled moans as they thrust against one and other. The air between them crackled, Sirius pushing into him again and again, groaning into Remus's neck, biting, kissing.

'Remus,' Sirius breathed, smashing their lips together as he peaked, hips snapping until he was coming deep inside Remus and arms tightening so that he was holding the amber eyed boy impossibly close to him.

When Remus's own high faded and the white behind Remus's eyelids slowly faded to black, he felt Sirius collapse against him, still holding him tight as he slept. He didn't move, simply adjusting their positions so that Sirius's head was pillowed comfortably against his chest, sweat cooling between their bodies. His eyelids drifted shut as a small smile crept to the corners of his lips. He couldn't remember a time when someone had loved him as strongly as Sirius did right then.

* * *

 

'Morning.'

Sirius did not look behind him, even as he felt a hand rest on the small of his back. He remained sitting as he was, knees drawn to his chest and eyes trained to the view outside the window. Regret was burning thick and hot in his stomach, as he felt the jostle of bedsheets signaling that Remus had also sat up beside him. He closed his eyes, not wanting to face the consequences of his actions yet, wishing he could have a few more hours of solitude to compose himself. 'Remus, can I ask you a question?'

'Of course.'

'When we first met, why did you let me in your house?' He turned back to see guarded amber eyes watching him. 'You knew that someone in the Black family had killed Uncle Alphard, so you had no reason to trust me. Were you…' He swallowed, looking away. Sirius didn't really want to hear the answer; he much preferred oblivion. But ignorance had already caused him to lose everything; his home, his brother, and very possibly after last night, even Remus. So he asked the question that had been plaguing his mind from the very beginning: 'Were you using me to find out who had done it?'

'No,' Remus answered after momentary silence. 'I already knew.'

Sirius's eyes widened and this time he turned his whole body around so that they were sitting face to face, knees touching. 'Then why?'

Remus smiled that sweet lopsided smile of his, as if the answer was obvious. 'You were the only kind face that approached me that day.' His hand rested on Sirius's knee. 'The whole town hated me because they thought I was this dirty faggot who had seduced Alphard into giving me his money; your family at the funeral mirrored the sentiment. My own parents wouldn't even talk to me when I was at my lowest. Perhaps I would have been fine if it wasn't my fault that Alphard had died. And perhaps it would have been fine if I hadn't realised just the night before that I had spent my whole fucking life never, ever being loved by a single person. Not one. Not even Alphard whose bruises I was still carrying on my face because I felt as though I deserved it.' He sighed when Sirius shot him a sympathetic look. 'But then you showed up at my doorstep. You didn't know who I was or what I was, and I remembered how much your uncle praised you for being different… _kinder._  I was so, so alone, Sirius, and I won't lie to you,' his amber eyes shone with regret, 'I was searching for Alphard within you.'

Sirius looked away, his fears since the morning already realised. Despair clouded his mind and he had never been good at controlling his emotions, so he spoke his mind without filter, 'This isn't how I wanted it to be.' He punched the mattress with his fist, startling the other boy. 'I made my feelings clear to you from the beginning, I was even willing to wait till maybe you felt something for me too, but Remus I-' He rubbed his face with his hands, feeling sick and tired of everything, 'I don't want to be used as a cheap substitute for Alphard or given a pity fuck because I seem desperate for some form of comfort. You asked me to be selfish so I'm telling you that this isn't what I want.'

'You're right,' Remus replied, his eyes hard and suddenly devoid of its characteristic gentleness. 'You are a very cheap substitute for Alphard because you are nothing like him. You are rash and sometimes foolish, you care little for my privacy, barging into my life and my problems without thought, you aren't quite as smart as Alphard, nor are you as accomplished. I learned from Alphard what it was like to love someone with every fibre of my being, but unlike Alphard, I learned from you what it's like to be loved back the same way.'

Shocked grey eyes looked into challenging amber. 'Back?'

Remus did not humour him with an answer, instead leaning forward and pulling him into a deep kiss, not unlike the one they had shared last night. Already Sirius could feel the stirrings of arousal deep within him, as the meaning behind Remus's words registered in his brain. His fingers gripped Remus's naked hips, thumbs rubbing circles into the soft skin, until they finally parted, breathing heavily. For the first time since yesterday, Sirius felt euphoria bubbling in his chest until he could not contain any longer and let it out in a mixture of goofy grin and short bursts of disbelieving laughter.

'Back?' he asked again, though perhaps the way Remus had peppering the smallest of kisses on his face was answer enough.

'Back,' Remus confirmed with an answering grin.

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

 

**So when I ran the last chapter by my friend, she said things still felt a little bit incomplete. Unfortunately this was the ending I had planned so I can't actually see past it and think of anything to add. So I would love to hear from you guys! Do you think there should be an epilogue and what would you guys like to see written in it? Please feel free to give me as many suggestions as you want because I'm going to try my best to incorporate _all_  the ideas I get! Thank you for sticking with me this far!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

* * *


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this is the much due Epilogue for this series. I tried to incorporate everybody's suggestions as much as I could without ruining the authenticity of the fic. As always, this is an unedited version, so I will be rereading and fixing mistakes within the next few days. I just can't control the excitement of posting long enough to actually beta. I'm so sorry! I hope you enjoy!

Remus sighed heavily for the fifteenth time as Sirius pointedly averted his eyes, choosing to speak to McKinnon with what was clearly fake enthusiasm. He was no master at reading lips, but Remus was almost a hundred percent sure that their conversation was about Marlene's kitchen renovation woes and how she simply could not find the right tiles to match her drapery. It bothered him greatly because it was nearing the completion of a week since their argument and Sirius's confrontational nature had gradually veered more towards the silent treatment. While Sirius had finally stopped sleeping on the sofa and decided to move back to their bedroom, he still kept a foot's worth of distance between them and pushed Remus away when he tried to cuddle. Suffice to say, Remus was feeling rather neglected. It wasn't as though he hadn't tried making amends, but every time he did, Sirius asked of him what the sandy blonde could not promise. The requests were unreasonable at best and it angered Remus that Sirius even considered asking such things of him, or even expecting an apology when clearly he was doing nothing wrong.

'Knut for your thoughts,' James asked, knocking on the side of Remus's head playfully as he sat down beside him. 'Or are you just going to spend this entire Order gathering mooning over Sirius. You see him enough at home, I would think.'

Remus sighed and looked away. 'Sirius won't talk to me,' he confessed in hopes that James, as said man's best friend would talk some sense into him. 'He won't look at me or even stand within reachable distance from me. He's so infuriating, like a child!'

James quirked an eyebrow. 'Yet, you are the one I see throwing a tantrum like my eighth month old son.'

Remus glared at the black haired man, then gave up and rested his head on the table hopelessly.

'So what did you argue about?' James asked, his tone light as though he were just asking about the weather. It was odd how casual he was about their relationship, almost as if he expected the same level of domesticity between Remus and Sirius as himself and his wife, Lily. 'Was it about the dishes? Or Sirius tracking mud into the house? Or was it both your inability to do any kind of housework?'

Remus snorted, wishing it were that simple. 'Dumbledore asked me if I was willing to travel to Tasmania, to recruit werewolves on to our side. I agreed.'

'And Sirius was all right with this?' James asked, his eyes widening.

'Clearly he was not,' was the reply Remus gave as he gestured towards the other man, who was still steadfastly ignoring him. 'We had a huge row when I told him I had to leave next month and I just wish he'd put it aside and spend time with me before I have to leave for Merlin knows how long. Arse.' He huffed his irritation, looking back at Sirius longingly again.

'Right,' James sighed, looking between the two of them. 'Remus, I don't know what it was like for you before…' he started, skirting around the sensitive topic of Alphard, 'but you need to understand that you are no longer one person. You are Remus and Sirius, just like I'm James and Lily.' His hazel eyes were kind as they regarded him. 'Important decisions are not yours alone to make anymore and everything you do, affects the other. When you leave for this mission, Sirius is going to be left all alone to worry, without so much as a guarantee of whether you're alive or not during your absence. If you're caught during this mission, then he automatically becomes a bargaining chip for the enemy who might even use him to get to you. The possibilities are endless, do you see where I'm going with this?'

Remus did and he felt stupid that he hadn't considered it from Sirius's perspective. He was supposed to be the more level headed and logical one; yet, Remus had simply jumped at the chance to make a difference without any thought towards the consequences. Just like he had with Alphard.

'And for Sirius, being put in a situation where he can't guarantee your safety is crippling,' James said knowingly. 'When Sirius really cares about a person, he thinks it's his right and duty to protect them. That's how he expresses his love. Denying him that may not seem like a lot to you, but it's demeaning to him, as if you're not letting him love you in the best way he can or telling him that you don't need him.'

Remus stared at James, amber eyes dawning with comprehension. Then, feeling somehow embarrassed by the intimacy of their conversation as well as his inability to understand his own lover, he flushed and pushed James in the shoulder half-heartedly. 'You know, from all of Sirius's stories, I never quite got the feeling that you were capable of being so deep or mature.'

James laughed, showing off a tooth that was still growing back from their last mission. 'Well, the James Sirius knows was forced to become mature when his best friend abandoned him.' He blinked as if surprised by his own admission and shook his head. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to sound bitter or selfish.' He smiled to reassure Remus that his feelings were genuine. 'I was angry back then. We made these plans of him running away and living at my house in the summer; never going back to Grimmauld Place and never being a Black again. We were both very naïve, me more so, because I refused to understand why Sirius was backing out of everything we'd planned for Regulus. It was beyond me.'

'Sirius mentioned you tried to talk him out of it.'

James nodded in acknowledgement. 'In retrospect, it was the wrong thing to do. Instead of being supportive, I kept goading him into leaving Regulus and the house, and then getting angry when he refused. It made him pull away from me, because he felt as though I didn't understand. Truth is, I was hurt, because I felt like he chose Regulus over me. It's ridiculous to hear it now, I know,' James shrugged, 'but I don't have any siblings and Sirius, to me, was nothing short of a brother. He was my best friend and my  _only_ real friend. It hurt to not be picked.'

 _I know_ , Remus wanted to say, because he had never been picked his entire life until Sirius came along. Not his parents, not any of the townspeople, not Alphard – he hadn't been significant enough to anybody. But he kept silent about these thoughts, because he felt them too personal to divulge to someone who had only started being his friend a year ago. 'You know, in Potions, often what happens is that an ingredient bonds with another in order to create a stronger compound, even though it is more compatible with another wholly different ingredient,' Remus said cryptically. He sighed, when he realised he had failed spectacularly at his analogy when James looked at him as though he were off his rockers. 'I think Sirius saw you as much of a brother as he did his own, but Regulus was the weaker of Sirius's two brothers and needed him more than you did. You were the brother that was strong enough to take care of himself.'

Remus knew his advice worked when thin lips spread into a happy grin and a large hand clapped him on the back jovially. 'You know, Lily sent me here to give you deep, bloke-y advice,' he confessed, slinging an arm around Remus's slim shoulders as he looked over sandy hair to gaze adoringly at his wife, who was sitting at the other end of the table with Alice Longbottom. 'I didn't think you'd turn the tables on me. Thanks, mate,' he said sincerely, ruffling Remus's hair.

Remus flushed, secretly pleased with himself as he swatted away James's hand. 'I should go and try to apologise to Sirius now,' he hedged, trying to catch grey eyes again and frowning when he failed. 'Bloke can really hold a grudge, eh?'

He adjusted his sleeves and was just about to stand up, when light from a familiar falcon patronus lit up the room, it's flapping wings causing Remus's curls to tangle over his forehead. Tension filled the air, the previous light hearted mood they were sharing falling apart as all heads turned towards the messenger. The whole room was silent as the booming voice of Edgar Bones addressed them.

_'Death Eater attack in Diagon Alley. Dumbledore, I need backup now!'_

* * *

Remus knew he was being fixated on by the Death Eater attacking him and was being backed into a corner, despite fiercely duelling his opponent and getting more than a few strong spells to hit. He looked around, hoping to catch the eyes of one of the Order members alongside him, but they were grossly outnumbered and many were fighting two at a time.  _Fuck_ , was the only thing he could think of when his momentary distraction was enough to disarm him, and have his wand flying across the air and land on the other side of the street. It was still within summoning range but Remus was not given the chance, as he was hit with another spell that caused him to fly off his feet, backwards into a narrow alleyway, and get pinned tightly against a brick wall.

'Fuck,' Remus cursed, struggling in vain, his feet kicking the air and his arms trying to pull away from the force that kept him locked. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck!'

'Hey, Remus.'

Remus froze as a familiar voice greeted him. 'Reggie?' he asked, disbelievingly, watching the tall cloaked figure saunter towards him in a menacing gait. 'Reggie, is that you?'

A pale hand passed over a white mask, and the Death Eater's face revealed in a wisp of smoke. 'You seem surprised to see me.' The barest hints of a smile revealed themselves on thin, chapped lips. 'You look well.'

'I-' Remus seemed tongue tied as his amber eyes surveyed the image of Regulus Black, astonished by how he looked so much like Sirius at the moment yet at the same time didn't. When they had left the younger Black in Grimmauld Place a year ago, he had still looked like a child – all boyishly flushed cheeks, sparkling grey eyes, and thick, glossy black hair. Yet now, only a shadow of that boy stood before him, with hollowed cheeks and hair that hung limply with the same lifelessness that seemed to emanate from Regulus Black's very core itself. He did not look well at all, the lines under his eyes even deeper than Remus's, and his frame painfully thin despite his height definitely having shot up by a few inches.

'I don't want to hurt you, Remus,' Regulus said softly, wand still trained on Remus as he drew closer. 'I really don't want to hurt you or anyone for that matter.'

'Regulus, we can still help you,' Remus struggled, panicked when the tip of Regulus's mahogany wand poked the centre of his chest. 'You don't have to do this. You can come with me and I promise, I promise we will protect you in-'

His words were cut short by his own screams as pain shot into his chest, spreading like a pandemic through his veins to every single nerve ending in his body. Yet, Remus realised through his haze of pain mixed with fear, that he still had coherent thought and lacked the overwhelming desire to just simply end everything as he had when the Crucio had been cast on him before. This spell lacked intent and that very insight allowed him to force his eyes open, amber meeting with grey. His teeth gritted tightly, staving off his own screams even as his entire body trembled and fought against the pain that still gripped him.

'I've been trying to talk to you for weeks now, but it's difficult to corner you with my brother hovering over you protectively all the time.' A hand gripped Remus's shoulder, feeling as heavy as lead on the werewolf's currently sensitised body. 'Don't stop screaming please; otherwise the others are going to suspect me.' He waited for Remus to start screaming again, his face impassive, before resuming his previous line of conversation. 'I can't talk to Sirius. You know how he is; he won't listen to a word I say before he's thrown his own tantrum. And I-' Regulus's hand slipped off Remus's shoulder. 'I don't want him to see me like this.'

'Are. You. Safe?' Remus managed to ask, the words barely making themselves out and the effort causing his eyes to water.

Regulus laughed and shook his head. 'No and neither are any of you. Remus, the Dark Lord is planning things beyond your imagination; things that will make this fight even more difficult for us and make  _him_  unstoppable.' His grey eyes took on a frightened quality to them and he turned to look behind him cautiously, before speaking in a lower, shakier tone. 'He's trying to achieve immortality. I need you to tell Dumbledore that. Tell him,' he hesitated and this time, Remus could clearly see the sheer terror in his grey eyes as he leaned even closer, 'tell him that he needs to find all four horcruxes. There might be more, I'm not sure.'

Remus's shaky hands grasped both of Regulus's shoulders. He had meant it as a reassurance and a promise, but the prolonged pain was now causing all his muscles to spasm, fingers curling into claws and digging into skin hard enough to draw blood. He screamed both in agony and frustration, as the words he wanted to say struggled to get out through his gritted teeth.

_'REMUS!'_

'Fuck,' Regulus cursed, his hand quickly passing over his face again, his mask materialising like second skin over his face smoothly until only the grey of his irises remained. 'He always has the worst timing.'

_'REMUS, WHERE ARE YOU? James, I know I heard him here!'_

The Crucio lifted and Remus knew if he didn't do something now, Regulus would leave. With whatever strength he had left, he propelled himself by the balls of his feet and wrapped his arms around the young Black's waist in a tight embrace. 'Don't go,' he panted, out of breath and sweating from the effort it took his sore body to move at all. His hands tightened around the boy restrictively, knees wobbling to keep himself standing. 'Don't go, please.'

Remus felt hope rise in his chest when arms wrapped around his shoulders and a head rested against his own. 'Thank you. I haven't been hugged in a long time.' Regulus's voice sounded grateful, if not a little bit bitter. His hand pressed to the back of Remus's neck, feeling ice cold and somehow very soothing to his heated skin. 'Don't forget my message.'

The pressure against his neck increased, his pulse slowed, and Remus let out a small breath of realisation as darkness overtook him even before his eyes closed.

* * *

'It was Regulus, wasn't it?'

Remus looked down at their joint hands in the space between their bodies, as they lay on their sides facing each other. 'Yes,' he answered truthfully.

He had not mentioned Regulus's name when relaying the younger Black's message to Dumbledore in fear of the information being abused. Remus had gotten caught up in the war through his knowledge of the Wolfsbane, unwillingly at first, and then he had been unable to look the other way. Regulus, though no stranger to the war, did not need to be put in a position of further danger where he was playing a double agent for the Order. Kindly as he may seem, Dumbledore would definitely want to exploit the use of a spy in enemy grounds despite the evident risk. So Remus had lied and told the Hogwarts Headmaster that the Death Eater had kept his mask on and was unrecognisable to him. He owed Sirius his brother's safety, especially after everything Regulus had done for them.

'How is he?'

'He's…' Remus hesitated, wondering whether he should just lie so that Sirius was lulled into a false sense of peace. He sighed heavily when he realised he couldn't. 'Thin. And tired.' Fingers tightened their grip around his hand. 'But he's stronger now, much, much stronger. And he looks so much like you, it's truly startling.'

Sirius did not say anything. When he sniffed, it sounded watery and almost as painful to Remus as his silence. 'Was he scared?'

Remus pressed both lips between his teeth, then nodded.

Sirius face crumpled and he turned on his back, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. 'Fuck!'

'Sirius,' Remus's voice was quiet, unable to bear the way the man refused to look at him. 'Listen to me,' he wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer until they lay chest to side. 'We can still get him out of there. The next time we fight, we can look for him and bring him back with us, forcefully if we have to.' He pulled away Sirius's hands from his face, gripping his stubbly chin between his fingers and forcing grey eyes to meet his. 'We can get him back.'

Sirius laughed, angry and hollow, before it turned into a sob. 'And then what, Remus? If we bring him back, we risk everybody's lives here, including everything the Order's worked for this past year.' He pulled at his dark hair mercilessly. 'If I force him here, he will just leave. I can't keep my own brother captive in my house, he's not a child anymore. He's…' he trailed off, his eyes becoming glassy again as he came to a sudden realisation, 'he's not my responsibility anymore.'

Remus didn't know what to say, so he gathered Sirius in his arms and moulded their bodies together – foreheads pressed together on the same pillow, shoulders, stomachs and hips touching, and legs tangled. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered, feeling powerless and clumsy against Sirius's grief. His hands felt useless as they rubbed circles into the man's back. 'I'm really sorry.'

Sirius chuckled humourlessly again as he buried his face into Remus's neck. 'Don't be. I'm,' he breathed shakily, hot puffs of air dampening pale skin, 'I'm proud of him, even though I'm furious at him. Ever since he was little, I've always fought his battles for him, but now he's fighting a war all by himself. He's grown up to be a good person, a strong one…' Remus felt the slight upturn curvature of thin lips against his neck. 'He doesn't need me to protect him anymore.'

Remus hummed and pressed a kiss on the crown of Sirius's head. 'No, but I do.'

He felt Sirius's body stiffen against him. 'Don't lie to me,' was said in that same bitter tone as earlier.

Remus kissed him again, this time on the top of his ear. 'I never do.' Another kiss on his forehead as grey eyes looked up at him searchingly. 'I'm sorry for not talking to you before deciding to go on the werewolf mission.' He kissed the creases on the corner of each eye, the flutter of dark lashes tickling his cheek. 'I was so caught up in trying to make a difference in this war that I didn't realise I was being unfair to you.' A kiss on each cheek, burnt now from all the long hours in Death Eater surveillance. 'Or that if I were to go, it would be the thought of coming home to you that would be the only thing that could keep me alive.' A gentle brush of lips as amber eyes looked into swirls of silver and grey. 'Here, like this with you, is the only place I feel safe,' he trailed the softest kisses across a strong jawline, 'protected,' a kiss on his Adam's apple as it bobbed with each swallow, ' _loved.'_

Sirius pulled him into a fierce kiss then, holding Remus's face in the palms of his hand like he were the most precious thing in the world. When they pulled apart, that sentiment was mirrored in the way his arms wrapped across Remus's waist and held him close, the warmth of their bodies mingling. 'I thought I'd lost you for sure tonight,' he said softly, fingers tangling in the curls at the nape of Remus's neck. 'When James and I found you in that alleyway, you weren't even moving, and I thought I was going to go mad. I think I did for a little while until James told me you were breathing.' His fingers massaged something magical into Remus's scalp, causing amber eyes to close and his body to relax into the one pressed against him. 'I just kept cursing myself for getting so angry and vindictive that I'd actually lost sight of you. For not kissing you or telling you I loved you before we left today.'

'You could do those things now,' Remus suggested with a soft smile.

'I could,' Sirius agreed, taking up on his offer and making sure the werewolf knew how much he loved him by saying it over and over again against his lips until sleep overtook them.

When Remus woke up again, they were lying back to front and Sirius was well awake in more places than one.

'Morning,' Sirius whispered, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck and following with a flick of tongue. His hips pushed against Remus's arse, erection sliding against the thin material of the werewolf's bottoms in a slow lazy pace.

'Mor-ning,' Remus's voice broke off into a moan as a tongue flicked behind his ear and teeth bit into his skin hard enough to leave its mark.

Wandering hands caressed his stomach over his shirt, deft fingers pulling the drawstrings of his pyjama bottoms and wasting no time pulling them down along with Remus's boxers. There was movement behind him and Remus was just about to turn and investigate, when he felt Sirius's naked cock press against the cleft of his arse once again, turgid and hard. Blood rushed into Remus's own cock, as he felt nails dig into his hip leaving perfect crescent indents into his skin.

'Remus, can you?' Sirius whispered breathlessly, tonguing the back of the werewolf's neck all the way to his shoulders. 'I don't have my wand.'

Remus nodded, his fingers shaking as he used the wand at his bedside to cast a lubrication charm both on himself and Sirius. The second spell to prepare himself was much harder because Sirius's impatient hand was now pumping him with abandon, causing Remus's mind to give up on itself entirely. He had barely muttered the incantation, when insistent hands were nudging one leg up until it was bent in the knee and pressed against Remus's chest tightly. One of Sirius's hands held it there, thumb rubbing circles over his calf as another hand guided him inside Remus.

The first entry was always painful but Sirius distracted him from it, grabbing him by the chin and forcing him into a kiss where teeth and tongue met even before their lips. They kissed messily, parting only when Sirius was completely sheathed within him and Remus had adjusted to the intrusion to a point where he himself initiated the slow, rhythmic movement that had now become so familiarly addictive to them. They went slow at first, Sirius taking his time to shift his hips just so, so that Remus saw stars with each thrust and cried for ' _deeper, please, please, Sirius, faster, oh!',_ as Sirius's groan vibrated deep within his chest.

He tortured Remus by brushing his fingers against his nipples, pressing his hand into the muscles of his abdomen so that he drove in deeper with each thrust, brushing his leg that lay in between Remus's own so that it grazed his balls that hung heavy from arousal. And when they were close to their peak and Sirius could no longer maintain his nonchalance, he pushed Remus on to his stomach, lifted his hips, and pushed into him again and again until they were both moaning their release against each other's mouth.

'I love you,' Remus panted, feeling rather comfortable despite Sirius's entire weight against his back and the sweaty stickiness of their bodies. He groaned, his entire body protesting as he turned on his back and then pulled Sirius back to lie on top of him. His arse felt sore and the hickeys Sirius had left on his neck and shoulders smarted, but Remus had never felt as content as he did now. 'I love you, so very much.'

Sirius smiled, pressing their lips together chastely before tucking his head under Remus's chin. His right hand reached for Remus's, entwining their fingers together. 'Remus, can I ask you something?'

Remus hummed, closing his eyes in contentment.

'If,' Sirius's fingers tightened around his, 'if you had to choose today between Alphard and I…if he was alive today and he offered you a life with him…who would you choose?'

Remus's brows furrowed and when he opened his eyes to look at Sirius, he found grey eyes resolutely avoiding his gaze. He wanted to ask the man what kind of stupid question was that and why he would even contemplate asking such a thing, when the only reason they had ever met to begin with was Alphard's death. But he knew the way Sirius held his muscles taut that no matter how stupid, the answer was important to him. So Remus sighed and replied in the most reassuring way possible, 'I would choose the person who loved me back.'

For some reason, the tension in Sirius's body did not go away and if anything, he held Remus impossibly tight to him as if afraid he might somehow disappear. His grey eyes were staring at their joint hands intently, lips pressed together in a frown and dark brows furrowed.

'Sirius,' Remus called softly when the other man seemed lost in his thoughts.

'What if he loved you back?' The dark haired man whispered, his voice wavering. 'What if Alphard loved you back, who would you choose then?'

'Stop it,' Remus scolded so harshly that Sirius looked up at him in shock. 'Alphard never loved me.  _You_ did.  _You_  were the person to not only save my life, but bring me out of my misery.  _You_ were,  _are_ the person who has made me happier than I have ever been my whole life. It is obvious that I have already made my choice, so please don't do this. Don't ask me questions like this.'

'I'm sorry,' Sirius mumbled, burying his face back into Remus's neck. The way he held the werewolf protectively against him told Remus that despite his reassurances, Sirius still needed time to get over his insecurities and realise that Remus would always choose him, no matter what. 'I love you.'

* * *

Sirius rolled the ring between his fingers again and again, grey eyes reflecting the flames in the fireplace before him. The inscription,  _I promised_ , burned to the back of his eyelids like a tattoo he couldn't unsee. Not for the first time, Sirius wondered if he should show Remus Alphard's last memento to him, but felt far too much jealousy and possessiveness for the werewolf clouding his conscience and judgement. A ring did not bind promises; Alphard had not kept any of his to Remus, but Sirius had.

Sirius had made a home for both of them, a little cottage in Godric's Hollow that boasted none of the extravagance Alphard's house had but all of the love and laughter it hadn't. He gave Remus all his love, fully and without rules or restrictions, and he showed it liberally. He fought for him, protected him, never hurt him, and made him feel like he was the most important person in the world to him – everything and more that Alphard had failed to do. Failed so atrociously that Sirius felt he did not deserve Remus's grief or his regret, not now when they were so happy together.

Love was not for the dead.

It was for the living.

He threw the ring into the fire, flicking his wand sharply so that the flames turned a bright red and burned so hot that the ring turned into nothing but molten metal in front of his eyes. The heat from the fire singed his skin and had his palms break into sweat, but he watched with a sense of peace as the last traces of Alphard disappeared into the hearth.

'Sirius, are you ready?' James's head peeked out the doorway, a wide grin on his face. 'If you take any longer, Remus will think you're backing out.'

Sirius laughed, catching up with his best friend and bumping shoulders playfully as they walked down the corridor of the Lupin-Black house to the living room. They were tussling like school boys by the time they met up with Lily, Harry, and Remus, James's glasses askew and Sirius's pristine hair mussed up. The minute his eyes landed on Remus, he felt his breath catch.

The werewolf was sitting on the couch with Harry sitting on the tops of his feet, raising his legs up and down in a gentle motion that must have seemed like a brilliant roller coaster ride for the little boy. Harry giggled every time Remus's legs went up, his chubby fingers closed around two of Remus's thinner ones. Remus had certainly cleaned up for the occasion, his amber hair curls styled back and his usual dress robes replaced with a pair of smart dark brown slacks and a blue and white plaid button down. He was wearing the watch that Sirius had given him for his last birthday, but had switched it to his right wrist and that simple gesture was enough to make Sirius join him on the couch and pull him into a chaste kiss.

'I was thinking you'd made a run for it,' Remus laughed against his lips, his cheeks red with happiness.

'You're not that lucky, I'm afraid. I just wanted to make sure I looked my best in the photographs.'

Lily camera clicked in an answering flash and she grinned cheekily as she fanned the Polaroid between two fingers. 'Too bad you still manage to look like a twat, Black,' she stuck her tongue out and laughed when little Harry mimicked her and did the same to his Godfather. 'Good lad, Harry.' She bent down, kissing him on the cheek and lifted him into her arms.

'All right, enough of the romance!' James declared, squeezing himself between Sirius and Remus on the couch forcefully, wiggling his bum until they had no choice but to make room for him. 'Are you both ready for this?' he asked, holding out his hands on either side of him expectantly.

Remus and Sirius exchanged smiles as they nodded together and placed their left hands, palms up, on top of each of James's. James's fingers closed around their wrists, his thumbs pressing into the veins that ran vertically all the way to their elbows, sending a whisper of magic racing through their skin. Wordlessly, he encouraged them to join hands as Lily handed him his wand. When James started layering the first set of incantations, gold, silver, and copper streams of light flowed through his wand, braiding together to form a rope that attached itself to the very centre of Sirius's chest, exactly where his heart was currently beating at a rapid pace. It started to wind around his arm, starting from his shoulder and working its way down to his elbow, his wrist, and then finally his ring finger. Opposite to him, the same was happening to Remus, their streams colliding when they reached his ring finger and then binding together around their joint hands.

'Remus,' Sirius whispered and amber eyes rose to meet grey, the light from their shared magic reflecting brightly in his irises. 'I want you to know that I will always love you and that I would do  _anything_ to protect you and keep you by my side.'

Remus smiled, looking down at their fingers, entangled together. 'Guess I haven't got much choice on the matter. I'm stuck loving you, too.'

Sirius could hear Harry gurgling and clapping his hands as the light between their hands intensified, now oscillating around each of their ring fingers so quickly that it blurred the individual streams to look like a single thick band of light. Remus's was a bright copper while Sirius's was platinum silver, getting smaller and smaller until it was the exact size of each of their fingers before fading out to nothing but a tingling feeling that felt like togetherness, and dizzying love, and family.

James breathed out heavily as he finished the last spell, collapsing on the sofa exhausted just as another flash of the camera went off. 'Well, lads, congratulations.' He slapped them both on their backs. 'You are officially bonded.' He chuckled as both Lily and Harry cheered and clapped. 'You may kiss your partner, but preferably without me in between.'

Sirius ignored him, pulling Remus roughly to him and pressing their lips together, his mind delirious with happiness.

* * *

**THE END (Really this time!)**

* * *

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